Help me understand what thoughts are behind the anti-adoption viewpoint?

Question

I have done a little reading and I do understand how closed adoptions or the adopted parents needs negate the child's feelings in the matter as they grow. I do understand society's attitude about 'you should be grateful you had a family, not have 'issues'' (unspoken as it is, that is the message). I get that. But I don't understand the rest of why anti-adoption? I am interested as I plan to adopt children someday. What is the mind set behind this viewpoint?

Answer 1

Foster adoption in Canada is a great deal different than that in the USA. I can understand why citizens of the US may have a negative attitude toward adoption. There seems to be a great lack of social workers, money, etc. And kids fall through the system. I have also heard and read a lot about the need for better systems while choosing adoptive parents.

Also in both Canada and the U.S there is a lot of controversy over international adoptions, as they are not always done ethically, and often the APs are misinformed about where their new child is coming from and the circumstances of the child's placement, including babies that are actually kidnapped from their mothers in order to feed the demand of international adoption. That is so scary.

It has only been in recent years that Canada has really put reform forth in order to protect natural parents, children, and aps.

Imagine never knowing where you come from...even if you have the best aps in the universe, it should be everyones right to know their own history. Canada has just begun to release this info on a regular basis in the past 10 years.

What I have just written only scratches the surface of why some have issue with adoption and adopt an anti-adoption stance.

Answer 2

The FEW people I've spoken to who are truly anti-adoption (versus pro-reform, or pro- being able to talk about your feelings without ridicule, etc.) have said similar things to this:

Adoption only, ONLY occurs after something negative has happened: the mother or father is separated from the child.  People who say adoption is beautiful neglect to notice that adoption only takes place after something aweful, heart-wrenching, and unnatural has happened.  If at all possible, mothers and children should NEVER be separated.  Being poor is not a reason to have your child taken away - there are plenty of wonderful mothers who are poor.  Being a man is no excuse...men can successfully be single parents, if the mother doesn't want to raise her child.  Basically, WHATEVER the circumstance was that created the "need" for adoption, THAT is what should be fixed.  Sending the child to live with strangers doesn't solve the problem.  If poverty is an issue, we need to look at ways to make sure that people living in poverty are able to care for their children properly.  If social stigma is an issue (i.e. unwed, young, etc.), then we need to change the social stigma so that mothers are able to parent their children.  If the problem is that we don't value the father's participation in his child's life, then we need to change that.  If the problem is neglect and abuse, then we need to offer programs and other services so that HOPEFULLY the abusers will learn a new way.  If they are unable to stop abusing, then we need to look at family placements first.  If family placements are not available, these kids don't necessarily need their entire history erased via adoption - guardianship would serve the same purpose (i.e. permanency) without sealing the child's records under the law.

To be clear, I do not necessarily agree with all of the above.  This is what I've seen in the past, and a lot of it makes sense.  I think that at present, adoption is the best we've got in a lot of these cases, and if we are to abolish adoption, we're going to have to come up with something d**n good in its place.  But it does stand to reason that adoption isn't always the best choice.  I may not agree with everything that a "completely" anti-adoption person says, but I appreciate the wisdom I've gotten from listening to them.  They tend to make some really good points.

Answer 3

The foster care system is supported by tax payer money, not the money of the parents who gave birth and passed on the buck. There are over 600,000 children in foster care up for adoption right now, many will never find homes. Children in foster care are twice as likely to suffer from sexual abuse and 3 times as likely to suffer from physical, mental, and emotional or verbal abuse. The parents don't want the guilt of having an abortion so they have a child who we all have to pay for, and who will have emotional issues growing up because of feelings of unwantedness or loneliness.

Answer 4

Go to Unicef.org and read all about it.

They will give you ear or eyeful of information on what is going on with adoption internationally and what agency's or desperate people wanting to adopt won't tell you.

Adoption has taken on a completely different meaning just like the word "orphan" has.

Adoptive parents are contributing to attrocities and too too many don't care.    

Answer 5

In many cases it is unethical. Often, the money from adoption, if given to the first mother, could completely allow her to care for her own child--this is generally in international cases...as they make far less than we do and could survive and thrive on 30,000-60,000....for a very long time. For example, China's per capita income is 1,740 (US).

But of course, adoptive parents wouldn't give thousands of dollars away....however they would be willing--in many cases--to separate a child from his mother forever simply for the mothers lack of income and resources. <<this is NOT all international adoptions or domestic...it is simply to say that we need to find ways to keep mothers with their children...THAT should be our goal, our primary purpose...but instead, the purpose is to adopt them out and to get paid. Adoption is a booming business...and everyone is raking in money or bringing home babies....a 'wonderful' thing--for everyone except the children and the first parents.

People are paid bonuses--even through state foster care--when they finalize an adoption. NOT when they reunite a child with his mother, but when they terminate those rights and place a child with another family. Children are consistently denied rights to their personal information--birth certificates, medical records, their past, etc. There is NO other US born citizen who is not allowed access to their original BC and medical history.

I could go on.....

I am an adoptive mommy and I try to do my very best to make sure my child has every possible access to his information. I try to make sure that my child and his mother are treated ethically and that no one tries to push us to do something that we wouldn't feel completely comfortable with. I can't 'fix' all of the problems with adoption, but I also can't deny that they exist. It didn't stop me from adopting....it made me be extremely careful in how I went about the process, how I understand my child and his first family, how I relate--and don't reveal--his information to others, how I hold his right to know and his privacy in extremely high regard. When I entered this forum for the first time, I was heckled and shocked at the outraged people who were adoptees and ap's and first parents. Frankly, I had no idea why they were all 'so angry'. Then, I started listening to what they were saying. I used to believe adoption was a wonderful, loving thing to do. I don't think every single adoption that takes place is evil and wrong, I simply think that the majority of them never needed to happen in the first place....but that requires us doing something about the problems....and not just covering it with the band-aid of adoption. These are gaping wounds...serious moral and ethical issues that need to be addressed and changed.

Answer 6

adoption is highly nuanced. and most people have issue with newborn and infant adoption and international adoption. not foster care and *true* orphan adoption.  

most people perceive adoption as a "win win" for all.  in addition, many believe that all babies placed for adoption were done so because the first mother (i think the term birthmother is very dehumanizing) didn't want the child.  

the truth is that although many women enter adoption agreements willingly, many are coerced into relinquishing their children, either through guilt, threats and intimidation. most firstmoms are young and have less education than the people who are telling her what's "best." also, many young women are forced to place their children by parents who don't want to be perceived as "failing to keep their daughter chaste."

furthermore, there is a huge profit-driven motive to adoption that is very slimy.  the industry preys on the emotions and desperation of couples who can not have children--for whatever reason...by charging them outrageous sums of money with the promises of a fresh new baby.  in order to ensure that adoptions take place,  there are people hired as "recruiters" who basically try to locate young, scared pregnant women under the auspices of "helping them with a crisis pregnancy."  the bottom line: they need to secure a baby for their paying customer.

also, there is the complete loss of autonomy and disrespect that pregnant women endure. pregnant women are told that they are "selfless" for giving up their children, that another person is more 'worthy'; hence, should simply stay pregnant, birth and disappear into the woodwork. many have their feelings diminshed as "hormonal" and "transient"; and receive no real assistance to deal with their loss.

another issue is the racism in adoption. black, hispanic bi-racial, et al children are often considered "less desired" or "special needs" adoptions, available at a lower cost.

finally, as a woman who endured the backlash of changing my mind, i can tell you that women are not supported at all when they decide to parent. they are told that they are being 'selfish' and not thinking about all the pain the potential adoptive parent will endure.  they are reminded that they are not the best choice for their child, are given horrible data on the dismal outcome for children born to single or young mothers and basically guilt-tripped for wanting to raise their child. also, a mother changing her mind is perceived as a scammer, selfish and unfairly causing the adoptive parents a pain the same as a child's death..

i can go on...

basically, there are many many reasons why people have less than stellar veiws of adoption.

Answer 7

I'm not anti-adoption.  I'm pro-education.  I'm against pressuring mothers to give up their children... the choice should be theirs and theirs alone.  I want a change in policies.

I think that adoption, as it is today, SUCKS for most adoptees.  And I think that if more AP's were educated on these issues that come up, adoptees would be a lot happier.  (A lot of these issues are not the AP's fault.  It's just cause and effect.  Others ARE caused by AP's... when they don't want us to talk about our adoption.  When they don't TELL us we're adopted until we're 18.  When they give us guilt trips about finding our first families...)  These are all things we shouldn't feel bad about, but that HAVE to be addressed.

The mindset between the anti-adoption movement is powered by mothers who were forced or tricked into relinquishing their children, and the adoptees who have had bad experiences that could've been very easily avoided had their AP's been good parents and done what was best for them.

The system sucks.  If policies could be changed, EVERYBODY more educated, and a little more compassion involved in the process, I wouldn't be so anti-adoption.

Answer 8

It is very hard for me to understand, too.  However, through this forum, I have learned that the problem lies in infant adoptions mainly, not foster care.

Answer 9

I am definitely not anti-adoption...I am an AP.  What I am totally against and disgusted with are the lies that go around.  I can only speak from my experiences in domestic adoption.  The agencies are LIARS.  All they want is money and they will feed you any line to get it.  I was totally clueless and naive about the adoption process the first time.  I was truly lead to believe that the birthmother was pure white trailer trash, which I never would have known was false if I wouldn't have gone behind the agencies back and got to know her.  The agency actually suggested I have the least amount of contact with her as I could.  Can you imagine that...a woman is supposed to trust you without the benefit of knowing you!  They also suggested that I try to give her the least amount of monthly money as I could so she would get the bulk at the end and that would give her the motivation to not change her mind.  She found that quite amusing when I told her that.  Our lawyers and agency couldn't have given a **** less about the birthmother.  It was disgusting.  I also feel that education should be MANDATORY before domestic adoption.  I was truly lead to believe that adoption was all rainbows and sunshine and the old addage...they will be thankful you took them.  Are you kidding me...we are thanful they came into our lives!  Everybody NEEDS to know...before they adopt...what the circumstances are going to entail and what the child is going to feel/experience.  You cannot help a child when you are totally unaware of what is going on with them.  Education is key...it's not about getting your child...it is about sharing your life with a child and being there for them in every way that they need...it's about them and their needs.  Also, agencies try to talk you into breaking contact as soon as the adoption is finalized.  That is why they have you get 800 numbers...that way when the adoption is final...you can disconnect the number and the birthparents cannot contact you because you are not supposed to give out your real phone number.  Isn't that sweet!!!  My advice would be BEWARE.  Do your homework, know what you are doing and do what is right...not what is easiest for your feelings!  Please remember that without the first families...you would not have a child...that too means that loss had to happen as well.  Please remember and respect that!

Answer 10

I am not completely anti-adoption. Some here would say I am definitely anti-adoption, others would say I'm just looking out for the next generation of transracial adoptees.

I recognize that poverty/war/financial issues cannot be solved overnight if we just threw a few thousand dollars onto a plane and told the pilot to go to Africa/Asia/Vietnam.

Therefore, there will always be a need for adoption.

However... adoption isn't as easy as flying to Asia, picking up the kid you want and bringing it home and calling it a happily ever after ending. There are LOTS of issues you will need to deal with. Attachment issues, malnutritioned health, motor coordination lapses, etc. It's just not that simple to say you want to adopt and that you have all the love in the world to do it.

You are going to need more than just love to adopt a transracial adoptee. You are going to need understanding. You will need to help them through racism, you will need to understand that they may want to mourn the loss of their first parents and culture. You will need to be extra patient because their mental capacity may be lagging - not because they are stupid - but because they spent x number of months in an orphanage.

Most importantly, you will need to reassure them repeatedly that they were loved *before* you came into their life. You might need to deal with abandonment issues.

Not saying you WILL for sure, just saying you MIGHT have to. Are you prepared for that?

If you're interested, here's a blog you could read to gain a better understanding (and no, it isn't anti-adoption):

http://sisterheping.wordpress.com/

Answer 11

Dear Sarah,

You've gotten some wonderful answers so far (with the exception of Susie) so I won't repeat what has already been said. I will tell you that if you truly want to understand the "Adoption Reform" movement you should do some research. Run searches with the following keywords and you will certainly find more explainations than just the ones posted here. Many also include links as well as their sources for further information.

Keywords:

Adoptee Rights

Adoption Corruption

Adoption Coersion

Adoption Ethics

Adoption History

Adoption Industry

Adoption Reform

Baby Scoop Era

Evan B. Donaldson Institute

Georgia Tann & Camille Kelly

Natural Family Preservation

Those are just for starters.

Here are some other links you might check out to help you understand:

http://www.b******s.org/

http://www.exiledmothers.com/

http://www.origins-usa.net

http://www.cubirthparents.org/

Hope this helps and thank you for trying to understand. It is a good sign that you are learning about this before you adopt. The more educated you are the more likely it will be that you will have an ethical and healthful adoptive situation. I hope that you will keep learning and I wish you the best of luck with your family! :)

Answer 12

Adoption should only take place in cases of abuse, addiction, or severe neglect, IMO.

Children are better off with the parents who created them, if the above problems do not exist. That's the way nature designed it.

Adoption is about finding a home for a child, not filling the emotional needs of adults.

Maybe you should ask yourself--why do I want to raise someone else's child?  Why do I want to be involved in breaking apart a family--and is it necessary?