Help me weigh the pros and cons...?

Question

{deep breath}...ok

here's my deal...army wife..husband is almost done with basic(he's in ait now..)they haven't told us when he's deploying, or really a whole lot of anything yet, all we know is he MIGHT be going to fort bliss and he MIGHT be getting deployed in early november...he'll be done with bct on sept 12th.

therein lies the problem...i'm pregnant, and i've got two other kids, i'm due in late november...sooooo, if i go with him to fort bliss, i'll be all alone, noone will be there to watch my kids while i'm in labor, and noone will be there to help me watch them after either(there'll be a couple weeks where i can't lift my kids...stiches)

i'm from north dakota and my mother has asked me if i want to move up there when he gets deployed..pros,i'll get to save allot of money and get a car, and pay back all of our debt(not much),and save up some,no rent,and she'd love to help with the kids. cons:i'll have to live with my neurotic mom,who has three yappy dogs and a cramped house, and i don't know what i'd do with all my furniture.

OR...i can stay where i am...pros:no yappy dogs,my own place,don't need to worry about where to put my furniture,my mother in law is ten minutes away(if i need help)cons:wont be able to save as much,or pay back debt as fast,and it'd take longer to get a car.and i wont get to see all my family and old friends from nd, but my mother inlaw can't live with me and she doesn't like helping much with kids...

i hate bieng kept in the dark about everything(with his deployment).i need to know what to do...is there some way we can delay his dployment until a week or two after the baby's born? because i'd be ok at fort bliss if that was the case.(of course i would be really far away from ANYONE i know, and i'm not much of a social go-getter if you know what i mean)

Answer 1

I think you've answered your own question here since the pros of staying where you are seem to outweigh the cons by a mile.  There a lots of trade-offs in life and, of course, nothing is ever going to be absolutely perfect; but I think your best bet is to stay put.    As to delaying a deployment, this is something worth looking into.  Perhaps your husband could ask about it somewhere in the chain of command. Yes, it's very annoying that the military can't tell you just what's what.  I suspect it's because the military doesn't quite know at this point who's going to be deployed where.  This is a terrible strain on a family and I give you a lot of credit for being strong and dealing with it.  I hope your pregnacy goes along well and that you have a happy and health child; and I certainly hope your husband will be safe wherever he winds up.

Answer 2

Sounds familiar to me.  I am from SD and joined in 99, 2 months later deployed to Bosnia.  I'll try and help one issue at a time.

Deployment:  Fort Bliss is a very big post and getting bigger.  In a few years it will be the largest Army post.  Right now your husband is on orders for "Fort Bliss", not a unit at Bliss.  Fort Bliss doesn't deploy, individuals units at Bliss do.  So your husband will not know about possible deployment until he gets there.  He may end up at a unit that is not deploying.  His unit will not be selected until he arrives there.  He will spend a few weeks at reception, doing paperwork, drawing equipment, and other things.  As soon as he is told which unit he is going to he will have a better idea what is happening.  And if his unit is going, they may not select him to go.  Don't count on that though.  

Should you move with him?  That is harder.  I moved to Fort Carson Colorado in Dec 99 with my new wife (4 months).  We had no kids or pets though.  I was in Bosnia on March 8th.  My wife spent a month or so there on her own but decided she couldn't handle it alone, then went home to her family.  I wasn't happy with her being back with her parents, but she needed them.  After I got home, she came back to Carson and we found a new place.  Being apart is part of the Military.  As much as it sucks, you have to get use to it.  

I would advise to wait until he is given specific pin point orders to a unit.  Then you will know if that unit is deploying.  If not, all is good, move with him.  If they are, is he going with.  That answer may be harder to get, and it may change.

Also if you do go with, and he does deploy.  Each unit is suppose to have a Family Readiness Group that is can help you while he is gone.  A small part of the unit will remain behind and hopefully they will be good and help you with all your needs.  Again, don't count on this.  

Good luck.  You have a very hard road ahead.  Be proud!!  

Answer 3

There is absolutely no way to know if or when he will deploy until he gets to his first duty station. When and if he goes anywhere simply depends on the rotation schedule of the unit he gets into.

Military wives move to new bases all of the time. We become pros at starting over, making new friends, making a new home. Somtimes we move to strange places on our own. We raise our children on our own. We have babies on our own. When we bought our home, my husband was supposed to deploy a month after our closing. Surprise! 2 weeks before the closing he got 3 days notice he was deploying. THe kids and I moved on our own. Our twin daughters were 3 when I gave birth to our son. We lived 1000 miles from family and my husband was in Korea. Independence is just a huge part of being a military spouse.

Personally, if I were you, I would follow him to his duty station. Your home is now wherever the Army sends you. Why would you choose to live apart if you don't have to? He may not even deploy, or if he does, it could be a year from now. Even if he does deploy right away, use the time to meet people, get to know the area, get involved in the community, etc. Create a home for your husband to come home to.

I've always found it much easier being surrounded by other military spoues and those who know exactly what I'm going through. Plus, no matter what comes up over the course of a deployment, on base there is every agency and resource you can possibly think of ready to help you with any situation. Living away from base, you just don't have that kind of support. You'll be surprised how quickly and easily other military spouses are willing to jump in and help you. We really are a tight - knit community.

Answer 4

if it happens have a baby sister ready ahead of time so that you can just call and they'll come :)