Help me with my son......?

Question

I have three kids. The oldest one (14) is worrying me. He has been dressing in all black and listening to heavy metal for almost one year now. He has even dyed his hair black! We have brought him up to be a good Christian and me and my husband are wondering if we have done something wrong. I feel so bad for my son because he might become a Satanist. He has not got many friends except for two guys from his school who dress the same way as him. It is worrying me so much. And he also want to start with guitar lessons! I usually don't have anything against guitars but he wants to play in a band. I don't want to see my son playing satanist music. Heavy Metal is bad music. It's against God. Heavy Metal is about violence, drugs, satanism and suicide. I caught my son with a pentagram necklace one week ago and I was about to cry. He was wearing Satan's symbol! How can I save my son from satanism? How can I get my son to stop listening to heavy metal? How can I make him see that God cares?

Answer 1

He may be just going through a phase.  You can't make him change, and the more you try to push him, the farther he will turn from you.  If you are a Christian, and have raised him up under the umbrella of your beliefs, Im sure that if he strays, he will not go far.  And as far as heavy metal music, there are actually Christian rock bands, you might want to google that, and maybe introduce him to it.  In the mean time, you just need to pray, pray, and pray more, and ask God to guide you to give your son what he needs right now.  No one knows your son like God, so He will guide you on what to do. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 2

ok ok calm down you have nothing to worry about. dont worry about the pentagram necklace, ill explain that in a bit. your son is wearing black, dying his hair black, listening to heavy metal, and wanting to learn guitar.

kids who do these are what we call emo kids. do you know what a clique is? it kind of a social group in high school. theres many different cliques like: jock(sports players), nerds(self-explanatory), band geeks(members of the band), etc. your son has fallen under a clique in school called "emo"

emo kids wear black, die their hair black, wear anti-god jewelry(such as the necklace your son had), and listen to sad heavy metal music. Sometimes, they even wear black mascara.

emo kids aren't necessarily against god, but the "satanist" idea is just their style since it is kind of a symbol of rebellion. You have nothing to worry about, your son is just going through a phase, he'll get over it.

However, trust me, you dont want him to be an emo kid. he will be picked on at school, he wont have many friends, and say goodbye to grandchildren lady. So while, he's still young, you and your husband should make him stop acting like this asap.

but like I said, its just a phase. he doesnt actually want to be a satanist or anything.

go look at his music collection. does it have anything by this guy named Marilyn Manson? if it does, he's totally emo. stop him quick

good luck

Answer 3

all boys at 14 listen to heavy metal

guess this is not a crime

dont worry

its natural?

Answer 4

You son is going through a stage, where he wants to try to be himself or find out who he really is. Heavy Metal music is not all bad, there are some christian Heavy Metal bands that are decent. Talk to him about his beliefs. It is awful when parents try to force anything upon their kids. People's view of religion could change as they grow older and some become more open minded. Try to communicate with your child. You should support your child in his hobby of wanting to be in a band or playing guitar. At least you know that he's not doing anything bad. Ask him, you might find out something new about your son.

Answer 5

I went through that phase too...He'll come back to what he was raised with, just give him time!!

Answer 6

1st of all, don't forbid him to listen/play the music, it will only make him want to more

Understand that developmentally your son is right on track. Adolescence is a time to define who you are apart from your parents. It is a time for trying different roles (obviously he is doing the goth thing right now).

if it involves clothes and music I wouldn't worry too much

if he starts using drugs, worshiping in a perverse way, or becomes depressed/isolated I would seek professional help from a social worker (like me)

right now you need to let him know you love him, care for him, and will ALWAYS be there for him

try to help him develop hobbies that are more congruent with your values (playing the guitar in the church band, taking art class, job shadowing, whatever) but Do Not force it, it'll backfire every time

I hope this helps you

Answer 7

He's only 14, hes trying to discover himself. i say let it be

Answer 8

Quit shoving God down the poor kid's throat.  You sound like such a bible thumping pain in the *** that the kid is just rebelling because you don't want him to have any ideas of his own.  Religion and God are great, but calm down.  Back off the preaching and I'm sure the kid will come around.  How's he supposed to have any friends?  You sound like a nut that scares them away.

Answer 9

most heavy metal isnt satanic. i dont like heavy metal either, im a country man. he may just have trouble making friends. and these "friends" will probably hang out with anybody. then again they may be good people. cant judge a book by its cover.i hung out with alot of different people. most of the "gothic" people didnt do the drugs, for the most part. i would just trust him. if you have instilled good things in him, im sure he remembers. i was raised the same way(in the south) i have ended up in the wrong crowd a few times, people that stole, did hard drugs, other things i wont say, but i didnt participate, i would leave. my secret was i have fished since i was 5. i never lost the love for it. ive always wanted to be in the Bassmaster Classic( super bowl of fishing) i knew if i got caught up in bad news, i couldnt fish. The guitar may be your sons fishing. if he stays busy with the guitar he wont have time for drugs. and as far as Satanism, i think your in the clear, its a myth about devil worship and heavymetal. make sure he knows what that pentagram means. he may not know the details and think its silly that a star can be a bad thing. i hope this helps. and dont forget to pray for him.

Answer 10

I see exactly the problem. Your son might be shy or even a little socially awkward, which leads towards the emo/scene/can't be accepted look and attitude. A lot of teenagers are turning towards that now because they don't really know where they stand. Pushing the Bible or forcing him into a church group will probably make things worse, because his first reaction will be to rebel against it.

Let your son take guitar lessons. A lot of people find themselves through music. It helps them through hard times, no matter what kind it is.

The root of your sons problem is his friends. Since he may be shy, he might feel as though his friends won't accept him if he doesn't change with them and do what they do and he might feel that going against them will leave him friendless.

Try introducing him to some good influences. For instance, a young uncle he can bond with, a cousin, nice boys his age he might have something in common with, or even a girl his age who might be able to turn him around.

Believe it or not, there's a lot of music with the heavy metal sound without the trashy lyrics. Look around, he might even like Rock and Roll, like the All American Rejects or Nickelback. (They have that amazing sound I mentioned, minus the horrible lyrics.)

I'm 14 and I see this kind of thing everyday. The best thing to do is subtly steer your son away from this bad phase, without restricting his freedom of being a teenager. It's a hard balance, but it can be done.

Answer 11

okay you seem like you have a really religious family.in my own opinion i like rock music but if your concerned heres my advice(you may think im too young to help but atleast try it) talk to him. something you mightve tried but tell him your concerned . explain y. but dont talk about it in his room. if possable talk about it outside of your home. ( so he cant claim your getting to bossy talk to him like your his friend not parent) also try to talk about some old stuff that he and you used to do together before u explain y ur concerned. when he gets frustrated LAY OFF give him a few days then try again keep going like that and also dont only show him God cared but that u do to  good luck

Answer 12

ok first of all the pentagram is only satan's symbol if it involves a goathead otherewise it's just protecting him from evil. lady take a chill pill and quit being a bible pusher let him be a kid ok you are totally overreacting here he is 14 let him live a little he'll mellow out ok. I'm a christian and i listen to all kinds of music and even have a pentagram tattooed on my right wrist with a triquetra on my left. however, i also have a cross with wings and crown of thorns on the back of my neck so instead of worrying about something that probaly isn't worth it why not talk to him about his behavior and stuff and see what happens. btw a lot of teens who do this aren't even as bad as you think they are.

Answer 13

he is probably just trying new things kids usally chang their clothing and pesonality style alot. his friends probably play a big part in it also.

Answer 14

Don't worry, it's probably just a phase he's going through, and I know plenty of Christian guys who wear all black and listen to heavy metal (my brother is one of them). My suggestion would be to get him Christian metal music to listen to - it exists, some of the better bands are Underoath, Norma Jean, As I Lay Dying, Blindside, etc. I've posted some of the lyrics so you can see - for example, the song "Some will seek forgiveness, others escape" by Underoath is about loving people who are unloved and forgiving people, which is something Jesus talked about IIRC. "Heavy Metal" only refers to the way the music is mixed (ie, how loud the guitar is compared to the drums), not the lyrics. You could have heavy metal songs with lyrics about ponies and butterflies, and it would still be heavy metal. Also, you can have acoustic guitar songs that are all about suicide and drugs - so don't worry about the style of music, I think you should be focusing on the lyrics.

Answer 15

This is very common in teenagers, he's merely experimenting with something he finds interesting. I can almost guarantee that it's not being done with the intent to go against God.

The pentagram is not specifically Satan's symbol. Being a Christian you should know that it was once used to represent the five wounds of Jesus Christ. In fact the original pentagram goes back to Greek and even Babylonian origin.

The most likely reason for your son's choice of jewelery is that he finds the pattern interesting or visually appealing much in the same way that children are attracted to bright colors, or adults to expensive jewelery. It might be worth offering to exchange it for a similarly satisfying symbol (excuse the alliteration). If you're lucky, he might even accept a simple cross as a substitute, if not then perhaps try something more ornate like a Celtic cross.

Your son's taste in music and preference for fashion does not automatically assign him as part of a neopagan Satanist cult. Youths are prone to experimenting and often spend a few years swapping fashion styles and beliefs until they find themselves and decide on what they believe.

Heavy metal is not always about violence, drugs and satanism. If you read/interpret the lyrics of many songs you'll find their meaning a little less sinister than is implied by the instrumentation.

Answer 16

hit him as hard as you can with your biggest bible - lol

seriously though music is music and i like black + Grey yet have no interest in Satan.

"Heavy Metal is bad music" yeh ? lifes not fair wars sometimes need fought **** happens and life is not perfect - every rose has some thorns. your talking like a jew willing to walk into a gas chamber rather than fight for fightings bad - OOoooo

get you head out the clouds and tell your dealer you have bought your last pot. have some life.

there is s*x drugs and murder not to mention anti god content in all music catagorys - sometimes more subtle than others

and if we judge things on mass by generalising everything how is the pedo christian that posted this still got kids in the same house as them?

he wants to join a band? - doesn't that mean more pals? you said he had only a few.

your bothered with a pentagram? do you wear a cross (the means of death of gods son) what a nice decoration that is and don't claim its about his resurrection that would be the boulder shifted (you know what Easter eggs is about right?).

you could try reverse cycology and encourage him.

Answer 17

I used to be a girly girl but now I dress more dark, listen to rock but not metal because I hate the screaming. I am Taking guitar lessons as well and want to be in a band, so kill be for wanting to chase my dreams. That thing about the pentagram could mean various things. One is if the pentagram is pointing up, than that does mean Satanism. The other one is if its pointing down(like how a star looks like) Christians use it to represents either the five senses or the five wounds of  Christ. I don't believe you are raising your son wrong, but pay more attention to him.

Answer 18

I'd be more worried about you. I'm a Christian and the number one thing that turns kids away is saying heavy metal is "BAD MUSIC." What about Project 86? They're a Christian band. There's lots of Christian heavy metal bands. Are they against God? Have you ever heard the Houseplant Song by the Christian band Audio Adrenaline?

"Once I read a book,

And this is what it said,

"If your music has a beat,

Then you're gonna wind up dead."

It doesn't really matter

If it's CHRISTIAN or not,

If it's synchopated rhythm,

Then your soul is gonna rot!

And this book was called,

"HA, You're gonna BURN!"

and it goes on.

The "pentagram" was probably incorporated in the symbol for the band H.I.M. And guess what? Unless you listen to nothing but Gospel 100% of the time, drugs and s*x are involved. It's in rock music, blues music, even lyrical jazz. Heck, it's even behind some classical music and I'm a Music Major, so I know. I have a friend who loves the Lord with all his heart and has the same style of dress as your son. People judge him by his appearance and had he not already been a Christian, it would probably turn him away.

If you Bible thump and push, you will push your son away. God calls us to deal with others in love. Love is patient and kind according to God, and though I can't judge, your reaction seems anything but.

Answer 19

hes ok it could be a phase.. dont worry. and heavy metal isnt against God. there are accually heavy metal christen bands. btw im 16 went through wearing tripp pants and black clothes ect. let him express himself as long as hes not getting into drugs. its better him learn guitar and be in a band then be out smoking weed. he probly wont start worshiping satan. you cant make him do anything sure u can tell him he cant go out  ect. but u cant make him believe in God. hes just exploreing relax.

Answer 20

IMO, you shouldn't stop him YET.   All teens go through a phase.  If not heavy metal, he might want to be a rapper or something else.

Yes, heavy metal doesn't have the BEST message.  But, what are you going to do?  Kids have been listening to this stuff for years.  

IMO, you need to look at his individual behavior.  As long as he remains respectful to the rules, you, your husband, doesn't get in trouble with the law, maintains good grades, doesn't get involved in drugs or risky, dangerous behavior, let him go!!

If you deny him this "phase" he might just rebel even more, then you really have an issue.

I know you're Christians, but kids go through phases.  As long as they remain respectful and isn't participating in dangerous behavior (a band and music don't count), then he's fine.

More than likely, he'll grow out of it.

Answer 21

I agree with Mel B's answer. And in spirit with finishing the song:

Once I read a book,

And this is what it said,

"If your music has a beat,

Then you're gonna wind up dead."

It doesn't really matter

If it's CHRISTIAN or not,

If it's synchopated rhythm,

Then your soul is gonna rot!

And this book was called,

"HA, You're gonna BURN!"

And in the second chapter,

I went on to learn...

CHORUS

Take two houseplants,

and put 'em to the test,

Set 'em both in front of speakers,

To let the music do the rest

First one you play Mozart,

Or something lovely like that,

Second one you play that Petra or that Megadeath!

Doesn't really matter WHAT kinda rock it is.

So I took my two houseplants,

and I put them to the test,

Set 'em both in front of speakers,

To let the music do the rest

I powered up my Pioneers to let the music roar,

But twenty minutes later, someone's knocking at my door.

I opened up my door,

And there my neighbor stood,

He said, "Man, I'd like to get some sleep,

If you think I could."

I said, "Man, can't you see here

I have got this moral dilemma I have got to get clear.

He said, "What kind of moral dilemma can you have at this time of night,

That makes me so angry I JUST WANNA FIGHT!"

Sorry.

So I pointed to the page,

In that opened book,

That had a picture of a potted plant, and I said,

"Go have a look."

And he read:

CHORUS

"First of all," he said,

"That's Wagner that you're playin',

I've never heard of Petra,

And Isn't Megadeath all dead?"

And secondly, emphatically,

He asked me, "What's the sense,

Of hanging out with houseplants,

When, hey, I live right across the fence?"

And I thought to myself,

Y'know, that's a good point.

So I took my two houseplants

And I put 'em both back outside.

And me and my neighbor,

Well, we went out for a ride.

We talked about all the things,

That really matter most.

Like life n' love n' happiness,

And then the Holy Ghost."

Now my two houseplants,

Can sit out in the sun.

And as for my neighbor,

Well, our friendship has become,

A meaningful relationship

That's headed straight to heaven,

But as for now,

We like to sit around and listen to

Audio Adrenaline, CRANKED TO ELEVEN!

edit: hahaha. Someone else made a post that this complaint was based on no facts.

Answer 22

Usually this type of thing is just a phase..He is only 14 and he may be under the influence of other kids.Like the 2 you said he hangs out with.You havent done anything wrong.You raised him to be a certain way.Its not your fault that he strayed from that...Jut give it some time..He may outgrow it he may not.Talk to him.Maybe he doesnt feel comfortable about something and he is hiding behind the dark clothes and all that.

Answer 23

I don't really have alot of advice, but I just wanted to say that a pentagram doesn't automatically mean he's a satanist! Before satanists used it it actually represented the five wounds of Jesus, as well as the goddess Venus and is a symbol of Freemasonry. (check out Wikipedia, they have the history.)

But what I think is most important, is that you not push being a christian. I'm Catholic, and when I was a teenager I really rebelled against it. The more my parents pushed the less  I wanted anything to do with it! Believe me, you aren't doing him any favors by pushing God on him. If he wants to believe he will, you can't control the way he feels. Yes, you raised him right,but in the end you may end up doing more harm than good.

Try asking why he's wearing black all of a sudden, but don't interrogate! Just be interested, try to understand why he likes that music. Have a conversation. You can't "save" him, but you can try to understand him. If you do that then he may save himself.Just tell him you're worried and want to understand.

And, this may sound strange, but try not to be a "mom" about it. If he thinks your trying to push him to be a certain way, he'll push back and it won't be in a good way.

Hope this helps alittle.

Answer 24

Dear MS Molly,

           I think your son is going out of control.  At best what you can do now is that, as a parent  you have to be rude on  your son  and please don't let him go to outside                more often, except at schools or any other relatives house.. You have to have contyrol on your son... Always try to indulge your son in his study.. And the other thing what you can do is: tear off all his black clothes  and  don't let his freinds to come more often in your house... As a mother, you have to guide your son  in any means: whether  by scolding or beating  it doesn't matter....And the other trhing you can do is that : tell his father about your son's problem.. Every son is fear of their own father... Wish you all the best  &  have faith on God!.....

Answer 25

Proverbs 22:6 says: Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Just continue to pray for him, intercede on his behalf and leave the rest in God's hands

Answer 26

well you could sit down with him and just talk. do your best to make it comfortable, not too understanding but not like your worried about him. just be very mellow, relaxed. say something like "so (insert name here) youve been intrested in this style for a while now and I was just wondering if you could help me understand some of it"

also, he might just be going through a teen rebellious stage. taking him to therapy would be a good idea. It would give him an outlet to sort through his feelings and hormones and also he will be with a professional who will actually help him. But to make it so your not singleing him out or making him feel like somethings wrong with him, you could send all your kids or even your whole family to therapy. but indiviual therapy because he might feel threatened in group therapy.

maybe he doesnt fit in at school or he just doesnt know or understand who he is. its hard when your trying to figure out who you are, especially when people arnt treating you like your worth finding out.

and people who are goth and emo are a big group and easy to conform to and gives you a reason to be angry. hes conforming to the only people who accept him, thinking its who he is or just thinks its who he has to be.

theres a really good chance he'll grow out of it and find his true self but only if he has constant support, attention, understanding, and love. its hard being a teenager and kids are really mean. Also being the oldest takes away alot of attention and its can be hurtful.  and at that age, the school you go to and your peers are your whole world so if your unhappy there, your unhappy as a whole. and its really hard to feel optismistic about happiness when you...when your just not.

but dont just hope it works it way out because this behavior could lead to drugs. drugs help you fit in and will put you in that good mood you wish you were in always.

also try family outings where you do things everyone enjoys and even if hes not participating or if hes being negative or distant, dont get angry. none of that "you know what, im getting sick of your attitude ect" because that will make it worse.

if your family cant relate to you, who can?

Answer 27

Molly...you have got to calm down.  Just because your son is listening to Heavy Metal does not mean that he is going to h**l.  I know you worry about him, but he is going through a phase, and you are making it worse by treating him like a satanic demon.  

What you could do is try to relate to him more.  If he wants to take guitar lessons...see if someone in your church can teach him.  If he likes Heavy Metal, try to find some Christian Heavy Metal bands and buy him those CD's.  

The way that you seem to be treating him, you are only going to make him hate you and the church.  Remember, the way someone looks does not determine whether or not he will be a Christian.  If you give him support, gentle guidance and a strong foundation of love he will turn out alright.  

I was lucky, my Dad was a preacher, but he did not shove church down our throats at home but we did have to go every Sunday Morning, night and Wed night.  When I went to college and even many years after that I did not go to church, but I still knew I was a Christian.  I have been going to church regularly for 3 years now and am involved in many activities in the church.  I am sure your son will turn out fine...you just have to give him some room to be a teenager.

I wish you luck...and lots of prayers to you.

Answer 28

he is what you call a emo

and many of them dye their hair and listen to metal

and im 13 and listen to metal but im not emo and don't mess with make up or mess with my hair

or were strange jewelry

don't worry he is not a satanist

signs like those are usually logos to rock bands or something

trust me i should know

Answer 29

Heavy Metal is great music and it's not about drugs or violence or hate unless a certain band wants it to be. Lady I'm sixteen and I wear a lot of black and play guitar and sing in a heavy metal band and I'm a fine person. Your son is not a satanist he probably wears the pentagram to fit in with the subculture he want to join. Respect your sons wishes and let him do what he wants. Just because you are a committed Christian does not mean your son has to be. Let him live his own life.