Help me with my wedding problem with his parents

Question

A small wedding (40 guests) We live in a city in GA. His family is from New Orleans. Many of our guests will be traveling from Seattle because we just moved from there. I want it in GA because we live here and I can take care of things. but the parents want it in New orleans. They said they would help cook. We're paying for this ourselves. What would you do? Make his parents and family happy or make it easier for you and your fiance. It's a 6 hrs drive to new orleans. Wedding is in 7 months!

Answer 1

Many different thoughts on this.  With the cost of everything today for everybody, you do need to consider, just consider, those that have to travel.  The guests coming fro Seattle, is the cost cheaper to fly to where you are in GA or to New Orleans. The cost of hotel, which place is cheaper. The wedding is TOTALLY your day, however if you want friends and family, you HAVE to think about them. If you live place in GA that is expensive to get to and stay in, you may want to think about New Orleans.  Are you leaving from New Orleans to go on a honeymoon or staying home?  You would need to take a few weekends to go to New Orleans to work on arrangements.  6 hours is not a long drive at all. You leave at 6PM on Friday and get there by midnight.  If you live by Atlanta or some other big place, then I think having  your wedding there is perfect.  Your in laws will come.  Do you need their help? If so, you may need to go there.  The biggest thing is this, I've been incredibly happily married for 10 years.  My wedding due to money was not what I had always "dreamed" of.  But in hind-sight, it was perfect.  The life you make after is far more important than that day.  If you want family and friends, you have to consider them as well.  Not just your inlaws, but those in Seattle as well.

Answer 2

you're paying for it, you're planning it, have it where it is most convenient for you.  

If you start out doing things just to please/appease family then it won't stop, it will become expected,  and eventually you will feel a great deal of resentment towards them.

I do agree that 6 hours is not a far drive (I live 6 hours west of NOLA and wouldn't mind planning a wedding there, but I'd need more than 6 months).

Answer 3

I think that if you give into them now, that it'll be the way the rest of you life will be formed.  This is your day, not theirs.  Do what makes you less stressed and happy.

Answer 4

Geez louise....you're quite spread out LOL. Why do they want it in new orleans?

Just do it in Georgia. You will end up spending more on travelling costs to go back and forth from New orleans to GA that it won't be worth it.

If you didn't want to have to coordinate things in New Orleans and wanted to plan a wedding there from your home in GA you would have to pay extra travelling fees for the cake, photographer, florist, etc. Either way, its not worth it.

I live in a town in northern Utah and I'm planning my wedding in Salt Lake City (since thats where I moved from 2 months ago) and its only an hour and half away but its still hard to go back and forth to talk to the bakery, venue, etc.

Do what is easiest for you.  

Answer 5

Hello, hopefully this will help? I know from many years of experience most brides and grooms in this situation will plan the wedding back home where thier friends and family are. It will be harder for you but, deligate your closest relative or friend to be the point of contact at home where you plan the wedding. A.S.A.P Plan going home for a weekend visit(there is a 3 day holiday comming up) and sort out the details.  This is probably not what you want to here, but when the wedding day finally arrives you will understand.  

It is more likely that most of your invited guest will be there at your wedding, if its in a familiar location (back home) and you want to make shure that you are surrounded by the ones you love the most.

If you want more advice email me back at [e-mail] and we can chat. I have many years exp. in the wedding industry and will help you as much as possible.

Answer 6

If you are paying for it yourself, then have it where you want to have it.  I can see a million ways for this to lead to serious frustration if you have it in a city where you don't live and his parents are the only way that you can get things accomplished.  You are going to have to go through them for everything, it will be a mess.  Do what YOU want.

Answer 7

Boy that’s a toughie – I love both GA and New Orleans.

Hmm. OK. The food is better in New Orleans. And the music is better, too.

OK have a pow-wow with your in-laws and see if something can be worked out. That means you will have to compromise on what you consider “your dream day” and they will have to really be on top of all the planning and details and such, since they’re going to have to be in charge of things.

If they’re just “willing to do the cooking” then that’s not enough. They’re going to have to book the church, the band, cake, flowers… all the yucky parts of planning a wedding.  Again, since you’re so far away, all you’ll be able to do is show up – not help with the detailed stuff. If they’re not willing to shoulder all of that – and keep within YOUR budget, then holding the wedding in NO is really not a good idea. Impress this on them – that just the cooking isn’t enough. They have to take on the bulk of the details.

Perhaps they will understand that this isn’t just another big party. And again, if they’re willing to take all this on, then accommodate them. It will endear you to the family.

Of course if they’re willing to take on the planning details, be merciful and generous with your expectations – Agree with a lot of other people’s decisions – as long as it’s within budget. Stick to the budget – but you really don’t care if your “purple flowers are really lavender”

Again, here’s an opportunity to endear yourself to your family. That’s a good thing.

Answer 8

Suggest an alternative - my wedding was pretty distant from my parents, and so a lot of people I knew couldn't come to the wedding.  My parents threw another reception for me at a later date.  His family can give you another party (that you don't have to plan and is far less stress than the first one) and you get more gifts!

Answer 9

That you would seriously consider/allow your future in-laws to dictate where to hold your wedding, you have a problem and it's not what city to hold your wedding!  

While never a competition, you have to realize that if you and your Fiance start off married life bowing to everyones wishes, that will probably be how you will be perceived from here on in.  Everyone will ride roughshod over your wishes and needs.

I don't mean to be rude but if there ever a time for laying a 'backbone' foundation it's now.  It's your wedding, you guys are the Bride and Groom, be considerate of your guests, but do it where and how the heck you want.

If your in-laws can arrange to get themselves from London, they can arrange to get themselves to New Orleans, as it seems that is where they want to visit.

Congratulations and have a wonderful wedding!

Answer 10

No, I wouldn't do anything I didn't want to do just to make it "easier" for someone else. We had a destination wedding, and we did get plenty of pressure to make it a home church wedding, despite the fact we didn't want anything to do with that. I'm so glad we stuck to our guns--everyone had so much fun, and we got the kind of wedding we wanted.  

Answer 11

It is always nice to take other peoples opinions into consideration, but ultimately, it is YOUR wedding, and nobody else's.  As long as you and your husband to be are both in agreeance as to what you want your day to be like, then that is what matters most.  Especially since you are paying for it all yourselves.  Tell your future in laws that you appreciate their offer to cook, but that the 6 hr commute would make it very hard for you to plan a wedding.

Answer 12

it's your wedding, have it where you want.  set a precedent that your families can't walk all over you or change your mind.

Answer 13

I read through the other answers and they have all very good ideas and suggestions but let's look at things from a whole new angle.  

Your wedding day is very special.  When you get right down to it, it's not about the extended families, the gifts, the meal or any other single item.  It's not even about you and your husband.  Your wedding day is all about YOU and you alone!  Give your brides maid the job of keeping some of these stressful details in check.  Your extended families will all have their ideas of how things should go down, but from the beginning it's all about you and what you want.  With so many decisions to make enlisting the help of your maid of honor and her court to help with the details.  Also, if this is a more traditional marriage be sure to include your parents (especially your mother) because this is a very special day for her also.

As for the family issues, you should talk with your "husband-to-be" and ask him to deal with his parents.  He knows them better then you do at this point and he should not allow them to stress you out right now.  Think of this as a test for him.  He needs to see the problem and come to your rescue.  If you try to talk to his parents directly you may be setting a presidence that can take years to overcome.

In short, acquire help from your closest friends, don't exclude your parents, especially your mother.  Don't take on the issues with his side of the family, he should be taking care of his side of the issues.  And above all, make a memory and enjoy your day!  It's all about you on your wedding day, it's ALL about you!  Good luck!

Answer 14

It's YOUR wedding so you should do what YOU want. If you are the ones paying for it then no one has a right to tell you where you should have it. IF they don't like it don't come. But it's your day and you should do whatever you have to in order to make sure everything goes as smoothly as possible. you will have enough stress the way it is and it will only get worse if you plan it somewhere other then where you live. I say do what YOU want!

Answer 15

traditionally the wedding is held where the bride lives.

Since you guys are paying for it, determine what works best for you.

Since you live in Ga, it really should be there.....good luck.

Answer 16

The answer is never simple when you have parents to please.  But basically you are paying for the wedding and it is your wedding so your choice.  Your parents will travel, and will help even if they have t travel to you, I`m sure.

Good Luck