Help! my 11 year old has a boyfriend! should i allow this?

Question

my 11 year old daughter, Grace, has a boyfriend! she's only going into 6th grade. he's very nice and polite. they've never done anything more than hug and hold hands. i've always known i'd have to deal with this fairly soon with her, because ever since kindergarten, she's been a "boy-magnet". she's very pretty, and i'm not just saying that because i'm her mother. their "relationship" seems harmless enough, but recently, she's been asking me if she can go on a date with him, possibly to the movies, bowling, or glow golf! i'm afraid that if i'm not careful, this will get out of hand. also, her friends' mothers have been looking down upon me, saying that i'm being irresponsible, and not strict enough, for letting her have a boyfriend at this young age. what should i do?

Answer 1

well, if they go on a date, go with them, but dont be all over them for the whole time, but keep an eye on them

Answer 2

She's a little girl and he's a little boy.

Little girls and little boys are not old enough to deal with the boyfriend/girlfriend thing...unless you are ready for years and years and years of drama in your house.

All the best.

Answer 3

It depends on how old the boy is! But puppy love is just what it is. She needs to know that she can attract boys, to build her self esteem and confidence.

At that age, all "dates" must be chaperoned, take place in the daytime, be to a place where there are other parents with their kids on a "date", like a roller skating rink or amusement park. Never alone!

Answer 4

well watever u do don't brake them up becuz she would never 4 give u 4 that i wasn't allowed to date till this year and im 15 i would be careful and not let her go out on a date wit out u or another adult being there and who cares how aother people look at u its ur kid u do wat u think is best 4 her don't worry bout them all i no is if u didn't let her date now then she would go behind ur bak and do it thats wat i did .

Answer 5

This is a tough question. I think I would slow this down. I definately would not let them go on a date alone. I would have a parent there. Set an age and let her understand that is the rule for dating. Don't be wishy washy about it or you may be a grandparent way before you want to be one.

Answer 6

You cant really prevent her from having a boyfriend, but if i were you I wouldnt let her go out alone with him

Answer 7

You should let her. First of all, at 6th grade, relationships are harmless. No one hardly ever goes past the point of holding hands and hugging, like you said they were doing. Second, there's really no way you can stop her from going on a date with him- if you say no, she'll find a way whether you like it or not, and you'll probably never even know it happened. The best thing to do is tell her to be open with you about it, and things will be fine.

Answer 8

Good Golly Miss Molly -  Of Course Not!

Answer 9

No dates until they`re 16 in my house...they have to drive themselves to a date. 11 is wayyy to young. Let kids be kids. I think at this age their mimicking teenagers, I don`t think their really attracted to one another yet.

Answer 10

i wouldnt let me kid do it... go on the date with them, or send some1 you trust. it will give them ideas if they are finally alone.

Answer 11

I went on my first "date" when I was 11!!!  I went to the movies to see "Ghost" hahahahaha.... It was so cute, coz we were both innocent and all we ever did was hold hands.  Fond memories!  I even remember the boy's name!

I think it's ok.  My mum has since told me that she actually came to the movie too, sat up the back and kept an eye on us, but I never noticed her and neither did my little boyfriend! hehehe

Just maintain supervision when they are together.  Be casual about it - like if they are sitting in your lounge room watching a movie together, pop in unexpectedly now and then and ask them if they want a drink or something to eat.  Obviously, don't let them go in her room together, make them stay out in a "general" area of the house where you can keep an eye on them.

Ignore the other mothers - they sound like judgemental cows!  They are probably just jealous of your beautiful little girl.

I see nothing wrong with this, as long as she knows there are certain rules she needs to stick to, and what is appropriate behaviour for an 11 year old.

Let her enjoy it - as I said earlier, I have some lovely memories of my first boyfriend - he pecked me on the cheek and I blushed furiously and couldn't look him in the eye for the rest of the day! bahahahaha!  I'm sure she's equally innocent and sweet.

Also, you should enjoy it now, coz it's not always going to be this uncomplicated! LOL

Answer 12

My daughter has only had ONE boyfriend and she is 16  She was allowed to have  FRIENDS until we meet and spend time with them now.  Maybe wrong or maybe right but she is happy and doesn't have to depend on someone else to make her that way!

Answer 13

It's probably harmless, but make it clear that they are too young to go on dates.

Answer 14

I think 11 is too young to have a boyfriend - she should be focusing on school instead, there is plenty of time for a boyfriend later on down the track.

If the "relationship" isn't serious then maybe suggesting that they just be friends instead

Answer 15

Seriously you should take the advice from me... I am a 14 year old girl and the people who have answered this are much ollder

see were in a VERY different generation i had my first boyfriend in 6th  grade too dont worry going out "dates" is nothing we just sit and actually watch the movie (dont worry no kissing)

i think you cant tell you child who to like/love and you should just let her go i mean i bet there are MANY kids that have boyfriends/girlfriends in 6th grade (at least in my school everyone did) by telling her that she cant have a boyfriend just ruins the trust between you and her because  she will think you dont think she is mature enough  and will think you treat her like a baby  (unless that is what you want her to think)

as long as you have her tell you like whats going on in there relationship i think you should be fine seriously just let it go... i doubt it will last for long anyways

Answer 16

i don't know i guess my mom  was dumb or something. i was allowed to "date "at 11 nothing like what happens today. We always went out in groups of 6 or more and there was always at least two adults where we went. it gives your child a chance to be friends with boys and gives you a chance to say okay this is how they should treat you. start them early with this lesson.

Answer 17

I wouldn't let my kid date that early. In kindergarten it's cute, but it's just wrong now. Parents should look down on you.

Answer 18

dont listen 2 those ladies! let her have a boyfriend. believe me it is harmless! she'll get tried of him and find another later when shes older.its her 1st boyfriend. let her have her fun! a movie date or bowling or whatever is in public so they cant do anything u dont want them 2 do! just dont worry! b/c ur being a worry-wort!

Answer 19

make sure they are chaperoned 100% of the time.

I do know of 11 yr olds having s*x,

Just don't leave them alone.  

And maybe tune out the boyfriend from most of the family activities. You don't want her to start at this young to think she has to always have a man around.

Answer 20

i had a frend EXACTLY like her. she wnet on dates to i wanted to gag i think its dumb wait till shes 16

Answer 21

While she is as young as she is, I would say 'no'. At this stage, the relationship is in fact 'harmless', but then what does that show her about real relationships? She will believe that all relationships are not important, and eventually, she will either hurt someone who likes her a lot, or she will get caught in a bad place.

Answer 22

if you do let them out on a date, make sure you guys are there.  as much as you say they are harmless, you can never be too sure nowadays.

take them bowling, to a park, etc.

but honestly, i wouldn't let my kid have a BF at her age.

Answer 23

you should allow them to date

Answer 24

one step at a time.

talk to her.  give her a set of rules.  At that age maybe a chaperone like older brother or sister or parents.  Tell her shes too young for certain things like kissing and getting closer than a hug.  Be open and honest with her.  She her trust.

LEt them go but go along.  Maybe a different table ro area but close enought to watch.

Answer 25

Not at 11 years old. If the boy wants to come over when  you are home and hang out that's one thing. But she is too young to have a boyfriend. Way too young.

Answer 26

At her age she is too immature and too irresponsible for a boyfriend.  I have an 11 year old daughter and it will be a cold day in h**l before I ALLOW her to have a boyfriend.

Answer 27

i let my daughter have a boyfriend as early as she wanted. she is now going into 7th grade and has a serious relationship with a 9th grader!! but we don't let them date, she recently asked me if they could go to the movies, we are letting them go but i am going.

but i will let her date when she turns 13. i had a boyfriend when i was 13 and i could date, he is now my husband at age 41.i wouldn't want to prevent her from anything like that.

Answer 28

If she thinks she is ready than she is.  it isn't a matter of "not allowing it" it is a matter of  discussing  it  with her, to see if she thinks that is really what she wants, or if she is just giving into peer pressure. 11 year olds, aren't "children anymore, they are preteens, and they are starting to make small  discussions on their own. if that helps!

Answer 29

As long as they dont have you-know-what (sorry i just love saying that phrase), and you supervise their dates, its OK. By supervise i dont mean sit right next to them in the theater, sit away from them but keep an eye on them.

Answer 30

maybe you could say its ok but they must be around an adult such as yourself when they are together...

not saying your daughter would do this .. but i thought it was kinda odd to see this question then the next one said 11year old pregnant?

just be carefull.

and goodluck

Answer 31

Years ago this was known as "Puppy love". You should know the routine, you get a puppy for the child to take care of,after a while the child loses interest and you take care of the puppy.