Help! my husband is going to drive me crazy!?

Question

my husband of 3 years is the most insecure person i know. i have never cheated on him but he is always suspecting me and its driving me insane now. he makes comments about me and other men all the time. while im online he'll think im up to something or even if im on the phone. he knows i have not done anything in the past but his insecurity is killing me. how can i change the way he thinks about me>??

Answer 1

my man is like that too but for good reason. I did cheat on him, and we're trying to work on things. What I can say for you is to just tell him to back off. Tell him how much you love him, and let him know that there is nothing to be insecure about. Make him believe that you two have a stable enough relationship where you would never want to cheat.  

Answer 2

You can't change the way he thinks about you. I'd suggest that if you want the marriage to work, go the couple's therapy.

Answer 3

maybe its because he has a guilty conscience

Answer 4

I can relate. Never cheated and have no intention of it but my husband makes comments like your's. I asked him why he does it and he said it's because everyone cheats. This leads me to believe that he himself has cheated in the past but I have no proof.

I hate to ask it but is it possible that your husband has at least thought of cheating? That may be why he suspects you of cheating.

The first poster is right in that you need to put your foot down and tell him that he needs to stop NOW. That's what I did with mine and most of the time he doesn't say anything.

Answer 5

Something is missing in this story do you have male friends or something in your past your not telling us. Im a man and I wouldnt be acting like that for no reason something had to trigger it!

Answer 6

You need to be firm and tell him that if he doesn't stop it is going to destroy your marriage. Tell him that you deserve a little more credit than that and if he doesn't agree then you need to make a hard decision together. Men respond well to consequences. Tell him flat out that you are tired of it so he needs to change it and get over himself. BE FIRM and CLEAR. That is the best way.

Answer 7

why are you online??

Answer 8

It doesn't sound to me like you are doing anything to make him wonder. As long as you aren't a flirt, or doing things to try to make him jealous, this is totally his insecurity issue.

Many times when people are insecure, it is because they don't trust themselves for some reason. You give him freedom and are not domineering because you trust that he will behave the way that you do in the situation. Maybe there is something about him that is afraid to trust himself?? Is he flirtatious or does he ever give you reason for concern when it comes to how he relates to other women? I am certainly not trying to worry you, nor am I trying to make the point that he would cheat or anything. There is a huge difference between actually cheating and him feeling unsure of himself in these situations.

I would suggest that you study this, and if and when you see signs that his freedom is trusted when yours isn't, point it out to him " So, when you talk to your sister-in-law on the phone, that doesn't mean you are cheating on me?"  " Why did you choose 12 am to go online, when you knew I was in bed....does that mean you are chatting with  some woman online?" He needs to see how ridiculous he is being. You don't have to sound rude or domineering when you say it, in fact, you can say it in a teasing way. The main thing is that he sees what he has been doing to you.

Also, he needs to know that the way he is behaving could have serious consequences in the relationship at some point. I don't mean you should threaten divorce, but many times I think people don't see that the damage could be permanent....they prefer to think that they only made you feel bad for a few minutes and then you got over it. It doesn't work that way. I am sure you are already feeling like you need to hide, even though you have done nothing wrong. Before you know it, you will only be going online when he isn't home, deleting your history on your computer so he won't be questioning you, and talking on the phone secretively. That's no way to live. Keep your head held high, because you have done nothing wrong here. Continue to live like the rest of us do, with phone conversations and internet use, otherwise he will feel like he has you "under control where you need to be in his eyes."

My main point here is that in order to trust others, he must first trust himself. So, for some reason....he doesn't. It's possible too that he simply doesn't trust that if you cheated he would be able to handle it. Some people think that would just be the end for them and don't realize that they would most likely bounce back from it. So, I think he either doesn't trust himself on how he handles other women....or he doesn't trust he could handle it if you had an affair. You on the other hand are very secure...that's the difference. Good luck to you and hope this helps.

Answer 9

My Husband is the same way, but the difference is that I am old, but young at Heart, we have been Married for 50 years to date and the only flaw he has had is his Jealousy, ever since the first day we were Married he showed his Jealousy and even in our Wedding day, he would look around and see who was looking at me, even though it was just a casual glance but to him, the Guy was looking at me up and down.

What had maintained our relationship is the fact that I would rather not go out without him anywhere, even to the Grocery store to buy Groceries, but with time he got it into his head that I was faithful to him to the end, and that has made our Marriage flourish.

Have I been Happy that way, I would say yes, he is a good provider, Father, and now Grandfather to all his Kids.

In your case, what I think the reason your Husband mistrusts you is the fact that you chat in the Computer, and there have been plenty of cases, of men, and Women who through the internet, have found a Lover to supplement what their Husband are not fulfilling so, maybe he is thinking about it and cannot stop his Jealousy

if you really value your Marriage, have a talk with him and ask him what it is that bothers him about you, sometimes talking about it helps, so if he really is the one you want to spend your Life with, try to mend that fence that is starting to climb between both of you. Good Luck.