Help my mother in law hates me!!

Question

I just found out that my new mother in law hates me!! When my husband and i go around his family they act like nothing is wrong. My husband has a son from a previous relationship and she thinks i have taken them from her. Before we meet his son never came to his house. They would always stay at my husbands mothers house to visit for the weekend. (They live an hour away) It was almost like he was scared to raise a kid by himself. Now that we've been together going on 4 years, he now comes to our house. I've introduced him to several friends around the neighborhood and all the kids love him and he has a BLAST playing with them! Now grandma hates me... She says I'm trying to take her grandson and son away from her. All i was trying to do is let him make friends and allowing my husband the opportunity on raising his son. What do I do? We just got married a few months ago and now I find out all this.... She just told him to tell me the "I've won." My husband is completely on my side and doesn't understand why his mother is acting this way. She literally told him my family was his family now... she isn't!!! Is she going crazy??

Answer 1

It sounds like your husband's mom is feeling left out and insecure,and possibly confused about her role as a grandmother.The two of you should give your mother inlaw  a call or write her a letter,If she is open to having a face to face conversation with you and your husband,then the two of you could explain to her that she  has a very important role in her grandson's  life,and that you are NOT trying to WIN .This should be about the child's happiness and a good  healthy strong bond with all of you,You and your husband should considered inviting grandma to your home to visit with the son or take him to spend a few hours with her,make it a FAMILY outing,have dinner,go to the movies,any fun activity that you guys could do as a family.Hopefully you ALL  could benefit from this and grow closer as a family and put an end to the hurt feelings and misunderstandings.Good luck.

Answer 2

Do not give into her attempts to manipulate you & your husband; ignore her comments.  You had nothing to "win", as marriage is not a competition between a wife & a mother-in-law.  Her son is putting on his big boy pants now, being a husband and a father.  She can see her grandson when his father sees fit.

Answer 3

She's jealous and she is feeling not so needed right now.  Give her time to see that her grandson is happy and thriving and if she is a somewhat reasonable person, you will eventually win her over.  Be respectful and don't give her a reason to dog on you and things will improve.  You are lucky that your husband sees the whole picture and you don't have that battle!!!  hang in there, good luck.

Answer 4

no she is not going crazy,she just had all the control befor you came along.i applaud you for wanting to help your husband to raise his son.not many women want a son from another marrage around.good luck to you.

Answer 5

Your  mother in law is a control freak literally and what you are doing is right by taking the high road, ie the adult way.

Keep being the good step mom and wife, your mother in law will have to get over it.

Answer 6

i have a problem when  you write allow your husband to raise his son that what you allow a  child to do is raise his puppy are dog mom has good reasons to be concern and need to remain  a big part of son and grandson life and see what else you allow them to do get a hobby  and life

Answer 7

Wow, reading this question is kinda like deja-vu for me!  My husband and I got married 5 years ago, dated for 2 years prior to marrying and have known each other our entire life, in fact we grew up living up the road from each other.  Prior to my husband and I dating he had moved away for an internship in school and ended up staying for a job.  The summer we started dating he had come home to visit for a couple months, he lived and worked in Florida at an upscale retirement club as a line cook where things slow down in the summer as all the retirement birds go back north.  We started dating, I had a child from a previous relationship that was in school and has family here becides mine so moving would have been rough on him.  Most moms, I would think, would be happy that their baby is staying home.  Things were fine until we got married (two years later), when we got home from our honeymoon we had a message on our machine that my husband was being interviewed for an executive chef position which he got.  MUCH more money than he was making at his current job as a breakfast cook in a small diner, fine dining (which he wanted) but it took up A LOT of hours.  With all "boss" positions there are sacrifices that a person has to make, it never is a rosy position and we don't see him as much as we used to either because he works a lot or gets called into work when things go wrong.  Two weeks after we were married my friend called me and asked what I did to my mother in law because she had told her mom that I took her baby away from her and she never saw him anymore because of me!  To make things worse, we live on the same road as her and he stops to see her every night when he gets out of work because she is up late, they visit for an hour or two and then he comes home and goes strait to bed.  On many days she sees him more than his family but she thinks that I keep him from her.  Even more, if we didn't get together he would have gone back to Florida and she wouldn't see him anyway!!!  It's been a long time and she still hates me, I've given up caring.  I am polite to her, I respect her because she is his mother but other than that I don't avoid her but I don't go out of my way to cross paths with her.  Good luck!

Answer 8

Your mother in law needs to learn how to let other females to help her son and stop treating him like a baby.  If that is how she feels then it is her lost not yours.  She will have to learn to share her son and grandson.  You keep on doing what you are doing and she will either join in or really miss out on some important things in all of your lives.  Good Luck.  Try talking to her also to see if you and her can come to some understanding.  If not then she didn't want to change.