Help! my son wont stop crying and throwing fits at school?

Question

My 4 year old is in a pre-k program and the first half of the year went great. he loved school. after christmas break he started crying and throwing fits. we (parents and teachers) have been doing everything we can think of. We have ignored it, we have done time outs, and grounding him from some things he likes to all of his toys, nothing has helped. any suggestions

Answer 1

Hmm...it sounds like he may be having a problem with transitions.  If he is in the middle of doing something in school, and they want him to stop and do something else, it might be hard for him to stop what he is doing in the middle of it.  My son is 9 and still has transition problems, especially when he was in preschool.  Has anyone ever suggested any sort of diagnosis for him?  Does he have other behavior problems?  My 9 year old son has Asperger's syndrome.  However, if your son doesn't have any other problems, then I wouldn;'t worry about it...he will grow out of it.  If he does have other issues, look up Asperger's and PDD-NOS.  (Pervasive Developmental Disorder Not Otherwise Specified).  Email me or IM me if you would like to talk more.  Thanks.

Answer 2

Ask your son what happened after the break. If it just occured suddenly, there's something up.

Answer 3

It is strange that your boy would all of a sudden start throwing fits. Nothing happened..think!!! At home has something changed. Sometimes children change their behavior like that because something is happening that he doesn't like. So when he goes to school he cries or throw fits because he wants control of the situation. To put it in the words he wants the power!!! I've seen it before..maybe not always the same way..but think..what happened.

Answer 4

I would be wondering if maybe something didn't happen with your son either at preK before break or during break at home, that might be causing this separation anxiety.  Children that young have a real hard time expressing themselves so they often will cry or have fits.  I would suggest taking him to a child phychologist to see if you can help him figure out what is bothering him.  Once you know what you are dealing with it will be easier to address the problems you are having.  My son started out his first time in preschool throwing fits due to separation anxiety.  He stopped after a couple of weeks but continued to be worried until I came back to get him everyday.  Good luck.

Answer 5

An old fashioned whoopin.

Like a tap on the hand.

One hit one the bottom with your hand.

:]

It helps.

I grew up fine :]

Answer 6

Unless there is something mentally wrong with him (in a counseling sense), he is getting something out of it.  I would also guess that you did not allow enough time to extinguish the behavior with time outs and the like.  The main thing I could always remember the professors saying is that it gets worse before it gets better.  I bet he's getting a lot of attention out of it being that he's four.  

May I suggest a couple of sessions of family therapy with a child therapist?  I'm not trying to be mean or anything.  It's just that you do NOT want this behavior to become a real habit.  Habits are harder to break.  They occur more frequently with greater intensity.  If he does this in kindergarten, they will refer him to the office and for a special education evaluation.  Neither of these things are ideal so do everything can you have to stop this now.

Answer 7

I'm a little confused on how grounding him from toys and time outs are going to cause him to enjoy school more.  That may be the actual reason the temper tantrums are continuing.  Remember that children will associate the punishment with the school.  You're causing him more anxiety when he goes to school.  And there's no real reason to get in trouble for throwing a temper tantrum.

I think the best thing to do is to get him into a daily routine when he goes to school.  After observation of the work period, the teacher should have a very good idea of what kind of self-help skills the child enjoys.  For one child, it may be a simple pouring or scooping work.  For another child, it may be watering or cleaning plants.

I have students that come in crying a lot, once they calm down, do that activity they enjoy.  I do that EVERY DAY.  After a while, the child sometimes comes in and does it on his own while crying.  Then eventually looks forward to doing it.  I've even had this work on something as simple as tearing off the date on the calendar to show it's the next day.  

Ritual is very important in education.  It sounds like that is all he needs.  He also needs a patient teacher and parents to wait through the crying.

Answer 8

is his behavior different at home or anyplace else? talk to child and if it doesn't get resolved call pediatrician

Answer 9

Something is wrong somewhere that this has happened all of a sudden. It could be a very simple thing but I can only suggest getting some professional advice on how to handle it or just be sure that things are OK for your son. It is better to take care of this now than in elementary school or to let it go on and become more habit than anything. When parents are close to the problem we often don't see the easy solution. Good luck your child and you deserve to have a successful year.

Answer 10

There is a reason he is getting upset. By punishing him instead of trying to find out what the problem is you are sending him a very clear message that his feelings and problems don't matter. Something may have happened in school, or there may be something going on at home that makes him afraid to leave you. In any case, if you cannot regain his trust enough to get him to open up professional intervention might be needed. I just hope you have not done irreparable damage to him and to your relationship.

Answer 11

Try taking him out of prek.

It will work, trust me.

Answer 12

Ask his teachers to ignore the tantrums and to give him meaningful praise when he is behaving well. He probably just wants attention and has figured out that by acting this way he gets plenty.

The meaningful praise could be for anything really...eg. sitting nicely while eating lunch, sharing/packing away toys, walking/lining up quietly during transition times...any positive behaviour.

Also, encourage him to express his feelings in a calm way without the tantrums.

If the crying and tantrums continue, maybe you should go and see a pediatrician. Also have a think about other reasons that he may be unsettled and upset for. Is he tired or hungry when he has these tantrums? Does he need to spend less hours at preschool?

Answer 13

for a while be kind of a but mean then he know whats he doing