Help need advice about wether i should end my marriage ?

Question

hi i`m starting to pull my hair out looking for answers i`ve been with my wife for 6 yrs now married for 3 and have 2 kids 1 is 4 which is mine and 1 that is 11 from another bloke when she was young

i ended the marriage a couple of months back had no where to take the kids when i came to see them in the evenings in the week while she was at work then she would came back from work and start to put a guilt trip on me so i give in hoping it would change but knowing it wouldn`t change and now i`m back to sq 1 and don`t want to be here with her but love my kids more than anything and feel now i would destroy they lives if i walked out again it all start when i give up everything to move down with her which i didn`t mind as i thought this was it but slowly it started to fall apart she started to control everything i did like money telling me i could only take 20 pound out for a night out and i know for a fact she spent more. having a ago about spending 1.50 at work on drinks and so on. i couldn`t take anymore i had already had deprssion once about 2 yrs ago because of it and felt i was slowly falling back in to it and at the age of 27 not good but now i`m here i feel like i have nothing to give her and i`m only here for the kids as i went though 3 marriage break ups with my mum marriages and never wanted my kids to go though it but i feel a shadow of my formier self so please any advice would be helpful thanks and yes i`ve tired and tired to work at it and its ok for about 2 weeks at most then it start all again been put down and controlled all the time

Answer 1

Find someone who makes you happy and file for full custody of the kids.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  

Answer 2

Your kids are young and resilient..this doesn't mean that it won't hurt but it's better to do it know than when they are older. Parents should not stay together only for the kids. I am a product of that..and let me tell you it was NO picnic. They won't be able to see how a functional marriage works and may find someone to argue with forever like you two do. Help yourself and everyone involved and divorce.

Have you tried marriage counseling?

Answer 3

You're obviously very unhappy, and need someone to talk to. I would try individual counselling or Relate, with your wife.

Relate counselling, is free and would mean you could put your opinions about being controlled over to her in a supervised situation.

Individual counselling could help you work out what you want.

Unfortunately if you are unhappy, your kids will know, as you know from your own experiences. Good luck.

The Relate website has lots of helpful advice http://www.relate.org.uk/

Answer 4

Your question was difficult to understand because you didn't use periods however I will try to answer as I think I understand what your saying.

Yes your children is very important however if the marriage didn't work what makes you think that you can just continue on in the same situation and it be any different? You need to move out, get your own place, see your children when you can and make your life a little more pleasant. Your no good to yourself or anyone else if your depressed and unhappy. I feel that you are giving yourself guilt trips all the time for things not being perfect. They will never be. You have to do the best you can, with what you have and with the circumstances as they are.

You don't need someone to control you. Step up and be responsible for your own choices. Also STAND UP for yourself. This may very well be one of the reasons why she is so distant at times. Women like to feel safe and if your not going to make life safe for her she will probably try to control things and treat you badly. Get your feelings off the tip ends of your fingers and shape up. You can do it if for no other reason than the children.

Answer 5

i didn't read all that cuz it's too long but you need to communicate with ur wife. DONT DIVORCE!!!

you'll cause pain to u, her, and the kids.  

Answer 6

That was hard to read with no punctuation. You and your wife need to sit down together and work out your finances. Work out how much each you can afford for your own social lives and stick to it but...

I have never shared my money with a man. I find keeping your finances seperate is the best idea. You each pay half toward the bills. She can't complain about what you spend then.

Answer 7

See a lawyer about access to the children. Keep away from her, pay the maintenance etc

Don't wait for a month to go by and find someone else who will make you feel good and you can talk to,

Good luck

LEAVE HER! X

i have sent you an email

Answer 8

You must leave! In order for your children to be happy you must be happy , not only that but you deserve to be happy! My parents stayed together for the sake of my brother and I and it was a disaster as they could not hide their obvious dislike for each other! Life is too short and please dont waste time if its really not working or cant be saved.I on  the  other hand left my first husband when my children were toddlers and it was the best thing all round without a doubt! I know its different for you as your kids will stay with their mum but you will get on your feet , honestly! Best of luck  

Answer 9

Your wife sounds controlling, But thats your fault. You need to stand up to her, tell her you dont like the way she dictates to about what you can and cant do.

If she starts to have a hissy fit tough, tell her to get over it and you intend to stop acting like a mouse and more like a man.

I speak from experience, I was quite controling, not because I wanted him to everything I said, but because I was so lonely, sheltered, didnt have a social life myself (my fault) I was needy, I needed him around me, which slowely killed our relationship.

If he had stood up to me before it was too late to fix, who knows we could have been happy. He broke my heart when he left, but now 13 years on I am a strong, independent woman who is totally not needy.

Let your wife read this, it might hit a note with her and make her realise what she is about to loose unless things change, and that includes you. Get a back bone man, stop wining and do something about it.

Answer 10

IN ORDER FOR A MAN TO BE A GOOD PARENT, HE HAS TO BE HAPPY. YOU'RE NOT HAPPY, SO LEAVE.

Answer 11

If you are asking you are leaving

Answer 12

hiya mate.dont worry about the punctuation lectures.you know the answer to this.you feeling down and going into depression,you dont want to go there again.that is not healthy for the kids,dont feel guilty move out sort yourself out then get access to the kids.the kids will still benefit from a mum and dads love.you will be more relaxed and more happy.it may be a rocky 12 mths ahead but you know that.look at it as a road to freedom and happiness.i been through all this  and i can tell you ,you do smile and laugh again.save your sanity and go.all the best x

Answer 13

i really don't think you should be looking for advice about ending you rmarriage on the computer.  This is a huge deal!  Maybe it's time to get a marriage counsellor.

Answer 14

look leave her but before you do go to court and file for custody, and with the money situation tell her you will pay half of the bills and your money will go into your bank account and hers into hers and a joint bank account to deposit bill money and you will spend your money how you please.

Answer 15

dude break ur marriage now... u ll not regret it....