Help please!!! How do you raise a teen like this successfully?

Question

My soon to be 15 yo dtr thinks she is all grown up and doesn't need to be parented any longer. I have caught her in a # of lies which were small but lies all the same. She wants to be entertained often otherwise "its a boring life and I hate it." She feels she should be be able to go out any time she wants with a fellow she likes whom I think is a bad influence. Snapped at me the other night when I told her I didn't want her to ride home in the dark and her response was "what kind of curfew was that for a teen her age?" Last night I gave her a ride to the mall and when I asked how she would get home she said "well if you don't pick me up then I will walk or hitchhike". She did admit though she was kidding and knew how dangerous that would be. We can go along fine for awhile and then this attitude will emerge again. I see a manipulative, deceitful spoiled person at times and it saddens me as I felt I had raised her to be so much more then that. She has already informed me that she will be out and about after school. What is a proper curfew for a 15 yo during the schoolyear? Academically she excels and she has ambition to work. How do you parent a teen when you see this type of behavior?

Answer 1

Keep teaching her your values, even if she plays hard-ball, she'll keep those for the rest of her life whether or not she follows them strictly. Keep telling her how you feel and keep giving her rules.

I believe It is much better for a daughter to be angry at you for being a stern mother, than to never give her rules in the first place at all.

All sons and daughters lie when they are that age, just keep doing your part to make sure she is safe, of course.

Answer 2

Ahhh, the joys of a teenage girl. LOL.  They will be defiant, it comes with the territory.  It's not only spreading her wings to test new grounds for herself but also to test YOU on how much you will let her get away with.  I know in High School I was defiant, even though raised well, held a job, had excellent grades, etc... but a mother-daughter relationship in the teen years will be rocky.  Regardless of how well raised.  Those great teaching will show once she gets over this stage.

I would say stand your ground ALWAYS.  If you give an inch, they WILL take a mile.  Thats a given.  Keep expressing the values and morals you have already instilled in her.  Talk to her as an adult, or at least so she feels you are treating her like one.  This will give her some more respect towards your decisions, even if she doesnt show it...it will be there.

A school day curfew...hmmm, I would say between 9:30 and 10pm.  And just explain that because she needs he sleep on school days.  On Fridays and Saturdays give her until 11:00.  I say thats fair.  Anything later, well, that leaves the door open for trouble.

Does she have a job?  When I was 13 I got a job, and by the time I was 15 I was too busy with school, job and sports to really do anything else. ;)

Good luck.  As they said, raising teenages is like trying to nail jello to a tree. (LOL!)

Answer 3

Well.. i think you're doing a good job.

Don't worry about her, shes just a teenager and they do and say things like that.

You need to be firm and lay down the rules and curfew time.

You say, be in at 10pm or your not going out tomorrow.. stuff like that.

You should tell her you want to know who shes with at all times and tell her she can phone you if she has any trouble or cant get picked up etc.

I think a proper curfew should be, 10:30pm on friday + saturday

and 9pm on school nights.

Remember your in charge but show her you trust her.

Im 15.. and my mom does that with me!

Answer 4

I lived through those years and you will too. It is so hard with all the threats we know our children face to start letting them go. Essentially your daughter is striving for a little independence.

I allowed my daughter a 9 pm curfew on school nights, 10 on weekends.  If we had very few conflicts and we could reach a compromise on it, I'd give her an extra 30 minutes on Saturday night. If we had absolutely no disagreements, I gave her an extra hour that night. That gave her a good excuse to be good.

Good luck with your daughter!