Help us please?

Question

We live in a small town in northern Canada that you have never heard of. Even the people 100 km down the road have never head of the place.

Anyway the town dump caught on fire and drove away all the polar bears that were living there. So now they are in town looking for food and we're all trapped in our houses.

The Mounties took away all our guns due to gun control laws and we have nothing to scare off the bears. We've tried talking to the provincial government but they tell us we have to come to Regina to fill out a form to be put on a waiting list, which we can't do as we are trapped in our houses by the bears.

Anyways could you nice folks down in the states please drive your SUVs some more and warm up the globe so these polar bears will go away like it said in that movie.

Thanks - your friends in the far north.

Answer 1

Wow! That's pretty pathetic! Just burn the rest of the town down, sounds like the best part of it already burned.

Answer 2

Are you sure the Mounties didn't take away your guns and then set fire to the dump specifically so the bears would eat you?  I mean, even Canada has standards, perhaps you were just not keeping up, and this is a form of tundra urban renewal.  

What were your SAT scores?

Answer 3

Bang pots and pans together.  The noise scares them away

Answer 4

Call CNN, they would love to do a story on your plight.

Answer 5

What?  The polar bears aren't extinct yet?  I thought they were dying left and right.  I think if you wait another few days, they will start dropping like flies like their brethren around the world.

Algore continues to fly in his private plane, so don't worry about Al.  He is doing his part to speed up the global warming processes.

Answer 6

Since "global warming" is such a pathetic joke, why don't you go to your government and demand your right to own your own guns, like the Second Amendment to our Constitution guarantees, and like President Bush, former Governor of the Great State of Texas, and current Governor of the Great State of Texas, Rick Perry, have assured us and have recovered our rights taken away by the liberal democrats who have been slowly taking away from us over the past decades and still try to take away from us through all their pathetic fretting and worrying and apocalyptic "premonitions" and "Big Government" desires to control our lives, even to the point of denying our right of self protection.  Then  you'd REALLY be free, as we in the Great State of Texas really are, thanks to President George W. Bush and current Texas Governor Rick Perry.  Skip the "global warming" joke and get to the reality of governmental control of our lives.  You'd love it down here in Texas!!  God Bless you.