Help with 11 year old son causing problems in high school?

Question

I am close to pulling my hair out, i have an eleven year old son who is in his 1st year of high school, his behavior has always been challenging at home, but it seems to of developed over into school as well. In January the school decided to put him on report because of disruptive behavior during class, after each lesson the teacher had to sign what he had been like during their class, he was on this for 3 weeks, and he did improve greatly, i think because how he behaved in school determined what he was allowed to do and have at home. I stripped his room of everything and so in order to have things back he had to have a good report from school, this did work. But now the school have informed me he kegged (whipped down the pants) of another pupil this morning and the child has ran home crying, i know this is awful for the poor child but i also feel the school are picking on every little thing my son does...Please, please someone give me some advice or something on how to best handle it.

Answer 1

Picking on every little thing your son does? Like, I dunno, attacking and publicly humiliating another child? Yeah, that's really insignificant, can't imagine why they didn't just ignore it (end sarcasm mode).

Right now the best thing that could happen to your son is for him to choose the wrong child to pick on. When I was his age the school bully decided that would be me. I hit him with a chair. I don't think anything else would have taught him that picking on other kids wasn't always going to be the fun game he thought it was.

Strip his bedroom again. Take everything away. And tell him you are ashamed he is a cowardly bully and you will be working with the school to ensure that he behaves. He can start by writing a letter of apology to the child who he humiliated.

Answer 2

What type of disruptive behaviour? If it was things like annoying other students in class, yelling and generally making the teachers life difficult, it sounds like a common attention crave. Kids like this, especially when starting high school, are trying to establish a reputation for themself and earn respect. Unfortunately, some do this the wrong way by doing the wrong thing because he thinks its the cool thing to do and he will be admired as someone with confidence.

Your son both need to seek out a counsellor, the school one will suffice. She/he will talk to both of you individually and together and try and weed out the deeper cause for this issue. Your son needs a steady direction to go in regarding his schoolwork and needs to really think about his behaviour.

I strongly advise a counsellor. Hope this helps.

Answer 3

what the h**l??? my brother is 12 and is in 6th grade no kid can be so "smart" to be 11 in first year high schhol...

Answer 4

ur son im sorry to say is a serious bully and unless u get help its just gonna continue, look at who he hangs out with that could effect ur sons behaviour.

I also dont believe the school is picking on ur son, all schools have a no bulling policy and ur son is a bully and of course they r gonna do something about it

Answer 5

Are there other things going on in his life...divorce?  Does he have a strong male figure in his life?   And if he does, make his dad reconnect with him, take him out fishing or go do some kind of community clean up together.  If not, try to find a mentor for him, someone that will give him a reality check.  because if he is this bad at this point then it is only down hill from here..GL  (maybe try counseling)

Answer 6

Something is not right here because 11 years old is way too young for high school. No child is going to skip that many grades. My son is turning 11 next month and he is 5th grade. Your son would have had to skip 4 grades in order to be in highschool right now. I smell a troll.

Answer 7

High school already?  Like the 9th grade?  Did he skip some grades along the way, because that might explain why he is acting the way he is.  I was 15 when I started the 9th grade, it's usually 14-15 year olds that start high school.  If your son has skipped grades, he may not have the mentality to be there, not in the smarts department, but rather in the able to co habitat with the older kids and are doing things to prove himself.

If you are from somewhere different where high school means something else, he may still be trying to prove himself to other kids in order to have bullies leave him alone, which is why he pulled the pants down of the other child, it sounds like he might need to talk to someone outside of the school like a counselor to come to grips with his anger issue and why he is being diruptive like that.

Answer 8

I see this a lot in education.  A child is gifted and able to skip grades so the parents willy nilly do it and don't consider yes the child is smart and gifted, but MAY NOT BE mature/emotionally ready to go to the higher grade with older kids.

You son needs counseling and more than likely may need to be put back with his own age group, if possible.  I am not sure what else can be done.  your son is a bully because he is insecure due to his being the youngest.  Good Luck!

Answer 9

I imagine your son is in high school at 11 because he is gifted with intelligence and needs an educational challenge. While his mind may be challenged in the school his maturity level is still that of an 11 year old boy and it seems that he is mimicing what he sees happening. But he is getting attention for it because A he stands out or B he doesn't have any real friends to be goofy with there. I would look into putting him in activities with children his own age. Perhaps baseball or soccer where he can gain the social skills. I would reach out to another parent whose kid has been in the same situation and see how they handled it. There are tons of groups that meet and you may have to seek them out but I'm sure it would be worth it!

Answer 10

11 and in HS- you must have a gifted kid.

He's probably acting out because the age differences between him and the new classmates. While he may intellectually be on their level, he is probably getting excluded because of his age and possibly taunted.  Just because a child is ready for certain level of grade doesn't mean socially and maturity wise they are ready.   He's probably acting out on others, maybe even younger than him, because it's how he's being treated by his new "peers" who are older.

Sometimes in these situations it's better to enroll in afterschool activities he has an interest in or to work wtih the school to do some classes there and have a tutor or independent study program set up for his other classes at home.