Help with 14 year old niece?

Question

me and my niece are extremely close and we tell each other everything. this summer she has had two older boyfriends both of which only lasted about two weeks. well today she told me that she hooked up with a boy in a hot tub last night and she was like it was kinda weird because three other boys and another girl were in the hot tub too. well i figured she just meant she made out with him or whatever because this was the first time she has ever met this kid. well then she said we didnt even kiss so i was like wait what did yall do and she told me she gave him a hand job and he fingered her. well i know this is her first time and she was acting like it was something to be proud of and i want to make sure she knows that you can get a bad reputation by hooking up with guys on the first night you meet them let alone shes only 14. what should i tell her without being mean and making her feel bad? how should i handle the situation without being a total ****** or acting like her mom

Answer 1

You being her Aunt it is your responsibility as an adult to take charge and save this child from ruining her life. Your niece is only a child. I wouldn't have to think twice on this one. Don't worry about being mean she needs to be told or she will end up pregnant or have an STD. If you love her your concern would be for her well being and future not trying to be her best friend. Tell this child's mother or intervene and be firm with her and educate her on her risky behavior. Tell her you love her and she means so much to you but your not going to stand idle while she participates in such things. What the h**l was she doing in a hot tub with boys where is her parents why don't they know what going on with their child and where she is at night? This is awful help this poor child out.         ( I know you want to help her. I'm not trying to sound hasty but it just saddens me that this child is doing these things. I'm don't understand why an adult would even let a 14 year old have boys over in the first place and in a hot tub unsupervised. I'm sure you want the best for her but it sounds like she needs a mother figure to guide her in the right path. If she looks up to you already she will probably listen to you in a way that it will make her want to do the right thing. Good Luck in helping your niece she needs a good role model to look up to).

Answer 2

First off, I understand that you think it was pretty dumb to do that with a guy the first day they met. However, you don't want to make her feel bad, which I commend you for seeking advice so you want.

Here are a few fun facts, for future reference and now:

- A lot of girls start shaving in fifth grade, or about the age of 10/11.

- 52% of teenagers reported having s*x at least once between the ages of 15 to 19.

- A lot of guys learn what and/or how to "relieve themselves" during their middle school years. Approximately ages: 11-14

- A majority of girls start wearing makeup in the middle school years. Again, approximately ages: 11-14

Have you considered maybe not explaining so much about her reputation and more about "safer s*x"? If she's performing/receiving manual s*x, it may not be long before she's having intercourse, and if you come down too hard on this one, she may not tell you about 'that' when the time comes. I know that you don't want her to be known as a "s**t", "w***e", "easy", etcetera, but I would be more worried about STDs, unplanned pregnancy, and emotional breakdowns. After all, teenagers are going to believe what they want, right? I mean, with all the c**p that goes around about me (rumors/beliefs/gossip), I'm a pregnant L*****n, with all L*****n friends, who is too goody-goody to do anything, but has s*x every weekend. The point is, a lot of teenagers seem to come up with the most ridiculous things I've ever heard, and others are dumb enough to believe it. If you want to explain to her that doing 'that' probably wasn't the best decision, make sure that she realizes that it's not cool to go and do "stuff" with a lot of people, especially the ones she just met, and slide the "safer s*x" part into it to. She'll find it useful in the future.

For all this information (on health/life/s*x/etc.) check out this site:

http://www.scarleteen.com

it's a great site and I think both you and your niece will find it very helpful.

Good luck :)

Answer 3

tell her that boys use girls just for their own pleasure. tell her that you really care about her and dont want to see her get hurt. but if she doesn't listen.. she will find out the consequnces.

Answer 4

She obviously looks up to you, so just let her know how you feel. Just tell her to watch out so that she doesn't get a reputation for being trashy. Nip it in the bud before it gets any worse.

Answer 5

she proubably told u instead of her mom because she wanted to see what your reaction was first.. if u act like its not a proublem.. she wont think its a proublem... seince there were other people there.. word could get out wayy easy and she needs to be more careful with those things

Answer 6

oh snap...

Answer 7

Just flat out tell her exactly what you just said here.. About the reputation.

That is not comparable to what a mother would say.. A mother would probably just scream at her. Just be cool and have a good talk with her about it.

Answer 8

i think you should tell her the truth. she will appreciate it later in life. and kids do need adult figures so acting like her mom wouldnt be that bad... when the situation calls for it.

Answer 9

tell her about the reputation and say how you feel about this.

i am her age, too!

Answer 10

tell her what you really think about it, if your really that close, she'll understand, and she'll make sure it doesn't happen again.

Answer 11

just talk to her

and make sure she knows she can trust u

and don't tell her mom

Answer 12

Lmao, uhmmmmm...coming from a 14 year old (me) i

wouldnt want anyone to ***** at me because it was my

choice to do whatever.

I would respect it though, if a relative told me that 'i

should be careful, its best to stay a virgin until marriage

so it doesnt hurt the other guy if he is one.' or 'if

your going to have s*x have birth control and condoms

with you.' its the least you could say.

Answer 13

29 weeks!

Tell me which would you rather have, a teenage niece who is upset with you, or a teenage niece who is pregnant, or dead from A HIV virus or S T D's? Sit her down and talk to her. You say that you are close. If you approach her in the right way she just might listen to you. You could be saving her life along with her rep. A lifetime is one heck of a long time to have to live with a mistake! You sound to me as if you are someone who has her head screwed on right. May God Bless You! Jim B

Answer 14

talk to her and tell her that what she did was wrong and that kids her age arnt soppose to be thinking about those stuff