Help with My Son. 13 yr old. I am so upset.?

Question

Hi guys.

My son is 13 , will be 14 in Dec.

Lately he will not stay home. He tells me he hates it here.

He stays for days at his friends house and when he comes home he is gone within a day to another friends house.

When I call him to tell him its time to come home he screams at me and tells me he hates it here and he doesnt want to come home.

As far as I know we are a normal family.

No broken home. No fighting. We have a nice home and a pool. He has his own phone line and cell phone.

We have the computer.

I cant think of anything that he would hate about our home.

What should I do?

I am so upset and confused. I do not want him to be unhappy. But, I also think he should be at home.

Please help. I am lost.

xoxoxo

Stace

Answer 1

d**n! well, i'm a single dad of a 13+ girl. never had anything remotely like that. i have nephews that age, nothing there either....but...it sounds kinda like me at 13....yea! weed, pills, neighbors with goodies! it's drugs baby! don't send him to counselors!...ain't gonna do anything but put makeup on a pig! ....tell his drugggie bro's and adult enablers to take a hike, kill them if you have to....your husband should already be on this! bring his *** back to reality! it's time to fight for your kids life at this point! it's time to get hot!!!! lock and load! don't look back until you've reclaimed your son!! he'll love and thank you later! just make it there! FIGHT! this is your only choice..this is what parents are for...your husband needs to grow a pair...if he can't handle up...then you need to.

Answer 2

mabe u shud try to get him to see a therapist!!! or u can go all tough love on him like my mom did and tell him if he hates it there so much u can send him to bootcamp and see how much he would like it there.......i went through a lot of therapy from 11 to 14 because i felt like my parents didnt care...so plz try to get him some kind of (mental) help because i tried to kill myself at 13 because i felt like i was all alone..........

Answer 3

well thinking that it is drugs might be over the top...that shouldn't be your first thought (although that is a possibility)  have a serious talk with him and find out why he hates it.  also talk to the parents and don't alow him to spend the night all of the time, but alow it some of the time

Answer 4

You have been ignoring the inevitable.  You need to call him in as a runaway.  He does not have your permission to be at other's homes.  These "others" can also be charged with aiding a runaway.  You need to do this.  Have the police place him in the juvenile detention center (usually a 72 hour hold).  Family counseling is usually a requirement for his release, but he can not go anywhere.  A family plan is developed, which is more than likely for family counseling.  If he is placed at a detention center, they usually screen for drugs.  You need to do this or the situation is going to get way out of control.  You are the parent and need to take the proper steps to deal with the situation.  Good luck!

Answer 5

That's normal. 13 is that age when you don't want to hang around your parents very normal infact still he is pushing it to far with barely ever being home.

You have to set some rules like you can only sleep over on the weekends and that when he does hang out at a friends house on weekdays he must come home at a certain time.

Answer 6

send him to therapy or get his dad to talk to him i mean something got to be wrong if it hates his home for no apparent reason, or you can always say no when he ask to go somewhere tell him you have something planned where you need him home. I mean you the parent don't let him control you if you want him home then tell him that.

Answer 7

Hon, it would have been a cold day in h**l before my kids screamed at me over the phone and stayed away for days against my wishes.  

You really need to get a handle on his behaviors now, before he gets older... You seem to provide a lot of "things" for him, but no real direction.  He needs rules to follow, chores to do a few times a week and some structure.

You're the parent.

Answer 8

If talking to him doesn't work you might wont to think about therapy. there might be something going on that he doesn't feel comfortable taking about to his parents.don't take this the wrong why i am sure your a great parent but sometimes its easier for teenagers to talk to strangers.

Answer 9

What kind of supervision does he have at the other house?  Could he be using drugs over there?  Have you talked to the parents of the other household?  Time for him to get his bum back in his own bed.

Answer 10

you should nip it in the bud while he is still kinda young.

he should know that you are in charge

if you aren't strict, i'm sorry, nothing is going to change

so if you don't want to make him come home, then you must not really want to solve things that badly

i'd suggest to call his friends' house, tell him to come home, like really strict, and tell him if he doesn't come home you will take away all his stuff, and tell him he has 24 hours to get back hom or you will call the cops, because running away under 18 is illegal. When he comes home tell him he will either tell you whats going on, or the two of you will go to therapy, thats the only way.

Answer 11

let him go, let him have fun with friends, that's all he wants to do.  and as long as he is not getting into serious trouble with them, everything should be fine.  just try not to worry wso much.

Answer 12

If he's as spoiled as you say, it's the rich kid syndrome.

He just wants something different probably.

But you still are his PARENTS, he should learn to listen to you, if you let him do what he wants NOW, then when he's older it will be worse. If the other parents don't have rules, that's even worse. I'm going with rebelling. Drugs could be in the mix, but who knows.

No worries. When he starts back up school, make sure he has good grades, etc. If not, then you should put more rules on the table.

I hope that helps...

Answer 13

What keeps him coming back home? Try to extend that longer. It would give you a chance to talk to him. If you can't catch him at home, when school starts up plan an "intervention" kinda of thing where you try and connect when he can't escape you.

Other than that.. send him off to private school/ or counseling.

Answer 14

First of all.. Your not finding out specifically what he doesn't like about your house. What about taking him to a coffee shop or somewhere that is a relaxing setting for you both. Ask him to list what he does like about the house and what he doesn't like. Ask about having his friends there to stay in your home as an idea to get him home. I heard Dr Phil say (and no I don't normally quote him- he's not even on my list) Kids who have everything appreciate nothing.

If you want him home you need to set your foot down. Your his parent.. He will only have one of you for the rest of his life.  You have to set your foot down while you can because if you allow him to run all over you on this it can and will only get worse.  Good Luck.. man I wish i could be updated on this one!

Of course as I'm writing this my husband watches Paranormal Kids. If by chance your child says something that resembles something about him not liking the house because of something paranormal.. keep an open mind for understanding.  

And my husband says that the other possibility is that he's going somewhere where free drugs are available. NO MATTER HOW GOOD you think they are check into the possibility so that you can put it to rest or you can deal with the issue.  Research  the tell tell signs of drug use and see if you can find anything that you have noticed before .. 3 short signs:

blood shot eyes & extremely hungry for everything (weed)

extremely dilated eyes & hungry for nothing (crank)

extremely sensitive to touch and possibly likes it (rolling/ecstasy)

Answer 15

There are a couple of things that are telling about your blog.  First, your description of a "normal" home.  You spent the greater portion talking about the material aspects of the home versus the things that actually make the home - the family.  Second, your the parent right?  My parents use to say something that has stuck with me until now..."America is a democracy but in this house our rules are absolute".  Sure as a teenager I was irritated by that.  But as an adult with my own child I realized that their rules were set to keep me safe and because they loved me.  Moreover, in breaking those rules, I wasn't allowed to live as comfortably as if I followed them.  No phone, No TV, no computer unless it was homework related.  They spoke to me like an adult...but the best lesson they taught me was having responsibility for my actions.  Draw the line where you feel comfortable as a parent to know that they are safe but were they are still allowed to grow.....and for the love of your child do not waiver in your defense of that line.  Set the rules that will nurture your child now or else you will be fighting each day in a losing battle.

Answer 16

Go to a judge and get a P.I.N.S order on him he is only 13 and has to live uner your rules tell the judge how he think he can run his own life and how he runs away 4 days and believe me it wont be happening anymore.

Answer 17

hey stace, im 16. i went through the same thing with my mom when i was about his age, and my brother whose now 11 is doing the same thing. honestly the only thing that works is cutting him off. tell him he can go to his friends once or twice a week. hes only 13, you can be his friend but be firm. if he tells you hes doing it anyways and tries to leave, take his phone then the computer. my mom did it and i hated her more for it when it happend, but about a day or two into having no phone or friend time we became closer. it could be drugs, but more then likely not that starts more around 15, if hes doing anything hes probably getting into some p**n. thats what i remember guys getting into. i promise he will grow out of it

goodluck:)

Answer 18

i wouldn't keep letting him run in and out the house, come and go as he choose. the next time he leave i wouldn't let him back in. thats to teach him ain't no run in and out. he has to stay or leave and eventually he's going to stay cause he know he can't live with friends.

Answer 19

You and your son need to sit down and talk next time he's at home. You need to ask him why he doesnt want to be at home.

There HAS to be a reason. He's not just saying things.

If he can't give you a reason, It's gotta be drugs. Get him in counceling or something. He's obviously revolting.