Help with a 12 year old girl?

Question

I need help. I had a son who died at the age of 18, 5 years ago my daughter was 7 years old when he pasted away. I had a great relationship with my son he would talk to me about anything and everything. My daughter on the other hand now 12 will not talk with me about anything and always seems to speak to my very rudely and with such sarcasm. I now also have a 3 year old daughter and am raising my 3 year old nephew and she is mean to them as well and will not interact with them unless she is forced to. I love my oldest daughter so much and can not understand why she has become so angry with me and her two younger siblings. I have tried talking with her about her behavior and have now even had to resort to sending her to her room or taking items away from her for speaking to me and the other children the way she does, this seems to help for about a day but then right back to the same old mouth. Maybe this is just the difference between boys and girls and if that is the case then that is

Answer 1

I think its the age honestly. my bf's son is 12 and has an attitude, acts like life is miserable, and is very sarcastic. I think it will pass but I know it will still require discipline. Maybe more.

Answer 2

It's probably just teenage angst.  It seems that these days girls are a lot more disrespectful.  Don't give up on her, just do your best to punish her when you see fit and know that it is probably her hormones kicking in.  Let her know that sarcasm and rudeness are not tolerated in your home.  

Boys are much different than girls.  Girls are so much more drama then boys.

Answer 3

Try to make a recording of her sarcastic, rude remarks and the way she talks to you,her younger sister and nephew. Play it back to her, and do your best to explain to her that now is the time while she's developing from indolence into adulthood that she should practice talking in a much more positive way, as this will win her many more friends. She'll also learn to enjoy a loving, friendly home. Friends come and go, but family is forever.

Answer 4

I am truly sorry for loss of your son. My thoughts are, your daughter is starting into puberty. She is at a very hard age, many things are changing in her body and she may not understand it. The body starts producing estrogen, which causes mood swings, she is transitioning from adolescences to teen and with girls, their emotions run high...

When my oldest daughter was twelve, I thought I would have start taking Prozac just to deal with her on a daily basis. Between the "emotional roller coaster", "You don't understand", "You don't know me", "Your just like being mean to me", "Your always picking on me" "I hate you", and the "you hate me" phase, I began to think that one of us was not going to make it! But we both made it through her puberty.. and ...my sweet revenge is..... now SHE has 2 daughters.

Now, when I sit with her watching her girls play...I ask, with a smile, "Do you remember when......." she just replies "I know..I know"...but she's not smiling....:)

Answer 5

maybe shes just going thrue a phase.....it happens naturally 2 12 year old girls...i was 12 and i remember having an attitude problem with my parents...it takes time...or maybe its just stress on the death of ur son or school

Answer 6

DEPRESSION-ATTITIDE-A STAGE-LIVE ABOVE THE INFLUENCE.....

and eat lots of spices!

ohh

and ki-line pie!

OMG FRANCENE!

Answer 7

Girl don't usualy talk to their moms, unless they feel confortable, and that's usually when their mom put ocnfidence on them and open up with them too. Girls usually feel better talking to their dads, because when they tell thier mom some things, they usually freak out and dads won't.

Thats how it was with me. I live in US and my dad in Brazil. When i needed to talk instead of talking to my mom i called my dad in Brazil. Why? Because when i lost my virginity I told my mom and she freaked out and said that I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends anymore at night. Then when i told my dad he was more undertanding and said he would've liked if i had waited for the right person but it was too late to talk to me about and since he couldn't keep me from doing it, he just told me to take care of myself, take birth control pills and use condoms to keep me form getting pregnant and getting std's. Sometimes as a mother we need to understand that we made teh same mistakes and we need to be a little undertanding of ou kids. Try to talk to her about some of your problems and get her to trust you, then maybe she'll talk to you more. try not to freak out about everything and just talk to her and explain why she shouldn't do it! Good Luck!

Answer 8

Sorry for your loss. My opinion is she needs tough love, not coddling, 12 is a very unpredictable age regarding emotions and feelings. I doubt 5 years later she is showing aggression because her brother died. Seven is very young to experience death, therefore, the memory isn't that clear. Kindergarten children lose parents and they grow up fine. It's not therapy, you need to be tougher, show her who the boss is. There is no excuse for her not giving you respect or the other children. Make consequences for her actions, and stick to it. Also, examine her friends, is she with a new crowd, are grades slipping, if so it could be other peer pressure things like drugs etc.

Answer 9

What a tragic loss - you have my sympathy.

Mothers are frequently closer to their sons during the adolescent years than they can be to heir daughters.  It is a tough time.

I agree that people DID manage to cope when their was no such thing as "therapy" or "psychoanalysis!!"

This may sound simplistic, but I would make sure that she is treated as a fully responsible, adult member of the household.  Stress to her how important her input is when you make decisions for the family.  Send her to do the family's shopping, and have her help you with the budget and thh bills.  If you treat her like an adult, she will start behaving (more) like one.  This has been my experience with my own daughter.

Blessings!  You are doing a fine job in more-trying-than-normal circumstances!!

Answer 10

i went through the same thing when i was 12. my mom was just like you. i was really angry and always had a mouth and my mom would take things away which made me want to get even worse the next time. therapy just got me really mad because i took it into offense. my mom thought i had a problem. shes just becoming a teenager and she will get like that. shes a girl. shes probably goin through the whole " im-a-big-girl-and-i-dont-care-what-you-s... phase. just dont take her actions to overboard

Answer 11

My Mom always told I was very mean when I was teenage... Actually, she sometime says I still mean with her... But What I have learned all this time is that boys & girls are differents... At this point, I'm raising my teenage stepdaughter. And yes!!! she's mean, no to me, but to her mother. I have told her about it, & I have noticed she has so much issues unclear with her. Like, she (my stepdaughter) thinks her mother loves more her brother. She also thinks her mother treats her unfair. Sometime, I just think she's just confused about her situation & position in her family.

Going back to your daugther's behaviour. I think you two guys should talk. I know!!! She may  not want to. But, try... try so hard... Just sit next to her & talk about anything, whether, clothing, school, etc. & them, during the conversation start asking about what she think about her family, her brother. How she feels.  She may surprise you & open her heart to you... I know it's very dificult... I have heard what my stepdaugther's friends talk about & it's very alarmy... They just talk about leave home & go away... What is it going on with those girls??? And your're so rigth about other mothers... Most of them have told me they are just waiting for their kids' graduation & let them to go away... If you feel your daughter is in need of a therapy. Look for help... If not, try to plan nice things with your daugther... We took our kids to a water park resort on spring break, my stepdaugther enjoyed it, but she didn't say a word about it. However, I overheard a conversation with one of her friend. She said She had so much fun on Spring break.. Why she doesn't want to tell us??? I don't know...But, I feel ok now... Because I know my stepdaugther is happy or just ok. She is just a girl... My mom always told I was so mean, but I can remember anything about this behavior. So, I guess girls are just mean. & the mom has to deal with it...

Answer 12

it is her age. just ignore it. dont draw attention to it. girls are more loving thatn boys. even if they give a lot of trouble as kids. keep reinforcing her good behaviour. ignore the bad ones. show her you really care.