Help with a five year old daughter.

Question

My husband and I are separated (will be divorced this month) and my 5 yr daughters' behaviour is getting out of hand. I am not sure if it is what a 5yr old does, or she is acting out cos she is missing her father. She sees him fortnightly, but just today, she told me that she hates me three times in 5 minutes. She is constantly yelling at me, won't do a thing I ask of her, but wants everything her way. Her kindy teachers say she is wonderful, her dad has no problems with her, it is just me and people I am close to (my immediate family - Grandparents) that she doesn't care for. She can hang on to an argument for over an hour, and neighbours have complained of excessive noise - it is her yelling. Any help would be appreciated - thanks!

Answer 1

well she is at tht age and she is missing her father but you need to spend more time with her and explain to her how parents dont always get along i hope this anwers your question.

Answer 2

you probly hav to spend abit more time as a family so she settles down, put her in some kind of hobby so she has something to do she does that because she maybe always bored or gets no attention

Answer 3

sounds like she isn't handling the divorce well and is taking it out on the people closest to her. thats pretty normal in that situation. cut her some slack. dont yell back at her, dont yell at all. she cant hang on to an argument for an hour if she is the only one in it. dont argue with a 5 yr old - it will solve nothing!  Try to get her to talk about it and when she says she hates you then kindly say "I know you love me and I will always love you" if she gets mad just ignore it for now-once she has her emotions under control and is handling things better you can talk to her about proper manners. spend lots of time with her doing fun things and chit chatting. do the chores together ... go for walks etc...  ease up on her-she is going through alot right now and needs you to be calm in control and to show her you love her no matter what....

hang in there... it will get better

Answer 4

My parents seperated when I was that age, although for me it was my mum I missed more, that was because she was constantly trying to be the spoiler, I started to expect the same treatment from my dad. She would buy me whatever I wanted to try and be my favorite.

I would check with your husband and see if he is being nicer to her than usual, maybe she is just used to a more indulgent lifestyle with him, or maybe he isn't putting up enough resistance to her tantrums as you are.

It's not uncommon for kids at that age (particularly girls) to get a little moody, when she gets worked up try a little silent treatment or invent a 'thinking room' give her time to cool off and ignore the aweful remarks of 'I hate you' or 'I don't love you' remember it's all in the heat of the moment.

It is important that she understands that you and your husband are seperating from each other and not her, I think I would have done a lot better during those years my parents were apart if someone had taken me aside and told me that no matter what happened between my parents I would be welcomed and cared for by both of them all the time. I'm sure you've already told her this but try reinforcing it a few times, maybe even ask her 'why she is so mad?'.

If you explain simply to her that your worried when she gets angry and says those things and you want to help her, but she cant always have it her way. Explain that the new arrangement is hard on you aswell as her and helping you out by doing what you ask would make it easier. Kids that age can be surprisingly empathetic.

Hope all goes well for you and your family.

Answer 5

You need to show her who's boss. if she is yelling at your or saying she hates you then you need to whoop her butt, or it will only get worse. remember, you're the parent.

Answer 6

try and explain to her that you both still love her and that daddy leaving wasnt her fault she could think its all her fault and this is her way of dealing with it and tell you neighbours to p**s off im sure there children arent angels, maybe you and your ex could sit her down and explain to her wats going on and wats happening because it sounds like she is also confused make sure its the same rules in both house holds because she could try and bounce the two of you off each other also dont let your ex spoil her cause that will only make it worse for you when you collect her from him GOOD LUCK

Answer 7

You have to put boundaries. If your and your husband can talk without an arguement, maybe tell him? Maybe her Dad is spoiling her too much and your giving her a reasonable amount of attention and she doesn't like it? Maybe give her over to her Dad abit more, maybe she'll get sick of being spoiled? I think maybe you need to tell her off more, or tell her something like 'Fine, no pudding after dinner' or something like that. Play more games with her? That way, she'll have no time to argue.

Answer 8

My parents were seperated when i was six! At first, i found it hard and i missed my dad a lot! As i got older i found that i was missing out on a lot of family oppurtunity's, so i began to lash out at my mum, because she was my main carer and the person who i saw the most. I think your daughter is not like this to her dad because she barely sees him and savours her time with him. There is a number of things you can do:

1. sit with her and just talk about her dad and how she's feeling

2. talk to her dad about what you can do

3. let her see her dad more

4. explain to her that parents sometimes don't get along and it's not her fault

maybe, when she starts an argument, don't buy into it, stay calm, and for a while let her 'win' the arguments.

As she gets older, she will understand divorce and family life more and will hopefully ease her bad behaviour!

hope this helped.........good luck!!