Help with a line in my POEM please? I can't think of anything that fits! >_<?

Question

I'ts kinda long so if you want just fill in the blank with something that would work with the rest. But critique is welcomed if you wanna read the whole thing. Some of it doesn't flow very well. :[

I look into the glass, dissecting her soul

Analyzing her heart that's blacker than coal

I reach out and try to feel. But she's so cold, so numb

Eyes smoldering with malice, I see just what I've become

She's such a waste

And so misplaced

It's so unfair

That no one cares

Here I lie crying because I'm just so bad

The dreams in which she's dying

Are the best I've ever had

_______?____________

Drowning in self-hate

Her idiocy makes me irate

And how plastic is her smile?

That charlatan is so vile

When I close my eyes; I like to watch her die

I hold a gun to her head, and whisper Goodbye

Or a razor to her wrist; on and on goes my list

Because we both know that she won't be missed

Icy knife against your throat

There's no time to leave a note

Rugged rope around your neck

Such a failure; such a wreck

But the only way you'll really die

Is if the mirror breaks instead

Laughing as I take the hammer

We both knew we'd be better off dead

Copyright © The Last Harlequin

THANKS!

Answer 1

OMG that is the scariest poem i have ever read (no offense) it flows well but it just scares me and sryy i cant think of another line

Answer 2

Woah, you&#039;re a very good writer! i feel just what your trying to convey... anyway, i thing &quot;If i said i wasn&#039;t ____, I&#039;d be lying&quot; with something like scared, happy, or something. but i personally like &quot;If i said i was sorry, i&#039;d be lying&quot;.

Answer 3

Perhaps you could just rewrite the paragraph as this:

Her I lie crying

because I&#039;m just so bad

The dreams in which she&#039;s dying

are the best I&#039;ve ever had

I think that if you were to add on a 5th sentence like you want to, it would not go since all the other stanzas in the poem have 4 lines.

Overall, this poem, as said before, is a bit creepy. Either you&#039;re talking about seeing your own soul and are hating your alter ego, or you&#039;re speaking of some other seemingly plastic girl that angers you. Perhaps, if you were to write this down in a book of your own poetry, you should include a little note beforehand explaining a bit as to who the other girl in the poem symbolizes. Good work. Can&#039;t wait to see more poems from you.

Answer 4

&quot;Am I doing a favor to myself or I&quot;

or would that line give away the ending?

Great poem, btw - I love the ending

Answer 5

You&#039;re having a problem because that measure and the last measure are off proportion with the others. All of the others have words rhyming with every line, while these two measures have words rhyming in every other measure.

Try this.

&#039;Here i sit while i&#039;m cying

because i know i am lying

when i say my dreams aren&#039;t bad

while kiling her are the best ones i&#039;ve had&quot;

&quot;But the only way that you will ide

is if the mirror breaks will it will lie

and so i laugh loud and long, so bitterly

I i prepare to strike and end the life of you and me.&quot;

I don&#039;t know, you should probably keep it the way you like it. I&#039;m not so good with changing tha pattern within the poem, so......

Anyway, Hope i helped! :)