Help with an 18 year old boy?

Question

My boyfriend has an 18 year old son. The 18 year old does nothing but smoke a bunch of weed and talk about drinking whiskey and beer. He doesn't work and doesn't seem to have anything he wants to do. He hasn't signed up for college yet. He did sign up for the navy and then changed his mind b/c he wanted to go to the marines instead....then something happened and they said no and discarged him. But it seems like all he can talk about is all of these places he would drink and smoke weed. And apparently...the according to the boy, he's been smoking weed since at least 10 years old.

Is there anything that we can do to make him not become more of a loser going into adulthood? Thanks

Answer 1

There is no excess for a man to act like that on your dime.

Get him out and keep him out.  You can not make anyone do anything unless he want to help himself. From what you have said he does not.

Please dont let him bring you down to his level. Get him away from you before he does worst things

Answer 2

Give him 30 days to move out. He is not an 18 year old boy, he is an 18 year old MAN.

As long as he can have a roof over his head and food on the table that he doesn't work for, why should he " grow up".

Answer 3

unfortunately, nothing you decide is going to make a difference... any action needs to be taken by the boy's father (and mother)... your role as the "girlfriend of his father" isnt to parent him... which is too bad because it sounds like he could use some guidance...

try talking to your boyfriend about it? if he doesnt think theres anything wrong, then theres nothing you can do

Answer 4

I know it sounds like taking the easy way out, but the best option here seems to be completely washing your hands of the situation.  If this boy has been heading down the wrong path since the age of 10 then his father (I know it's easy to play the blame game) has not been doing such a great parenting job, now has he?  If your 10 year-old was participating in such illegal activity you would set up counselling and rehab appointments, would you not?  This is not YOUR child.  It is your BOYFRIEND'S child; therefore, it is HIS issue to deal with.  It is probably best not to become involved because you do not want to create tension between you and your boyfriend or you and your boyfriend's son, especially if the son seems somewhat unpredictable.  My advice would be to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend about what he plans to do for his son.  Otherwise, I would find myself a new boyfriend - this is one situation you do not want nor need to involve yourself in.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Give him an ultimatum. Either quit drinking and doing drugs or get out. Neither one is legal and if he is drinking and goes somewhere and get into trouble he will be your responsibility because he lives in your house. Offer to get him some help, he may need it, especially if this has been going on for 8 years.

Answer 6

I am so sorry you are going through this. But I am a irm believer of tough love. Do not encourage it nor do not ignore it. I myself have raised 5 boys and 1 just as you display. I gave a deadline for growing up it was either school or a job and then if chose job then 30 days to move up to the new world on your own. If they can smoke and drink and party all the time and find money for that. they cn get there own place and pay for it and party on there own. Tough love out of sight out of mind. I love him dearly but sometimes we cannot give in and collapse to there faults and needs of things that are not legal or right.. Good luck to you..

Answer 7

Make him get a job if he isn't going to collage.  If he won't do that then kick him out of the house.  Sounds mean but if you and his dad are allowing him to sit back and do nothing than you are just helping him slid by.  He will find someone to live with.

His smoking weed and drink I think are normal.  I don't agree with it but this is something a lot of younger people do.  Tell him how you feel about it and ask him if he does these things to make him feel better.  He may need to go and talk with a councilor or someone like that.

Sounds like he may have failed a drug test and that is why the Marines booted him.  My son is a Marine and they are hard on people.

He is 18 time to make him grow up.

Don't you think you should have told us he didn't live with you?

There really isn't much you can do.

Answer 8

Kick his butt to the curb.

Answer 9

I'm really sorry about your situation.  My brother is 19 years old now and has been ACTUALLY out of the house for less than a year.  My mother struggled with him from the age of 11 or so.  He started smoking around 14 and drinking earlier.  It's in his hands now.  Others are right by saying he is a man.  The point here is to remember that he is making his own decisions and if you provide him with cushions then those decisions are easier to carry out.  My brother quit high school at ninth grade and took advantage of my mother for years before she was able to get him out.  It's VERY difficult "kicking out" a "kid".  Yes he's young...yes he's unprepared to be in the real world and on his own...however, he IS an adult.  18 is legal age to do everything minus drinking and he's already doing it anyway.  You can't do much about inspiring him.  It took my brother til about a month ago to realize he needed to change his life.  He signed up for the military...reserves for the THIRD time and is actually going through with it this time.  Listen...Suggest to your boyfriend that his son needs to leave.  He obviously has connections so he'd have a place to go.  And even if he doesn't...it's his life now.  Period.