Help with bad behavior from a desperate mom?

Question

Calling all moms!!! Please give me your suggestions. My 4 year old is getting in trouble at school everyday and got suspended from the after school program for being aggresive towards other students. 3 warnings, you're out. Talking with her doesn't work, punishing her for her bad behavior doesn't work, rewarding her for her good behavior doesn't work because she will just act out 5 minutes later. I just can't get her behavior under control at home or at school. She is very defiant and doesn't listen to a word i say! I am a single mom and I welcome all suggestions!

Answer 1

My six year old has the same problem at school. I spoke with his teacher about creating a behavior intervention plan or a behavior contract. She spoke with the school psychologist, who gave me a survey to fill out about my childs behavior.

After the psychologist did whatever she had to do to score it, a behavior intervention plan was put into place. All that is, is a plan to help the child replace the inappropriate behavior with a socially appropriate one.  If your child goes to a public school, the school should have a psychologist assigned to it.  

At home, I got my child a special toy and I told him that he can only play with it if he behaved a certain way, then I explained to him what that means. NO  hitting, spitting, punching etc. I also noticed that if my child goes to bed early  (8:00 on school nights he has a much better day at school, then if he stays up later. I don' t know if you do that or not, but my mother who was also a single mom did the same thing and she loved it because she had time for herself.

I also use what I call natural consequences for discipline. For example, if my son hits his sister and she hits him back that is a natural consequence.

Lastly, I just want to say that I have a deep respect for single parents, my mother, who is now remarried, was a single mom. If you are recovering from a divorce or the death of the father, this could be the childs way of showing his or her feelings about the situation. Little children often do not have the vocabulary to express how they feel in words, so they do it in other not so good ways.

I hope these suggestions help.

Answer 2

This may sound strange but if you can get her to do some yoga moves to slow down the brain and breathe deeply you will do her a great favor.  She is 4 and very impressionable.  You have the ability to help her break this pattern of aggression and develop better strategies  in dealing with her anger.  Any kind of relaxation you can get her to do with you will be great. Best wishes.

Answer 3

I hate to say it but have your child tested for ADHD or ADD , parents do not want to hear something could be wrong with their child but sometimes their behavior has an underlying issue one that is very fixable.

Answer 4

I have a 5 yr old that acts the very same way (i have a 9 yr old and a 1 1/2 yr old that are almost-angels). It seems that when I give my defiant one a strict schedule of things he is to do, chores, etc, it's alot easier for him to behave. I tried every punishment too. We tried time-out, grounding, taking away his favorite posessions, allowance, and even spanking, and none of it worked at all. It just made him behave worse. Then I made up a chore schedule (a list of exactly what he had to do when he came home from school). On the days that i strictly enforce the list it's almost like he doesn't have time to misbehave. I think some kids may just need more structure, and get bored alot easier. My 9 year old liked the idea too, and they both love knowing exactly what they are going to be doing next.

Answer 5

Follow through and take stuff away if you have to, and make sure your punishments are nice and stern, easy punishments DON'T WORK; also, be consistent so she can create this equation:

[insert action here] = [insert consequence here]

Answer 6

Call Super Nanny.  She can fix any kid!

Answer 7

i am a mom with 3 kids and the truth is some of us parents are so guilty of letting our kids run our lives. We have to get back to the basics.

What i did with my daughter , she was 8  at the time , was took everything out of her room...i mean everything. I put the matresses and that was it. I made her earn back all toys...tv, video games , dolls....all of it.

I started small...if we had a meal with no problems i gave her a doll...if we had a problem i took it back....This took alot of disipline and  time...but she soon learned that these are all luxuries not something she was entiteled to. It took some time, but things are much much better....Hang in there and please go talk with the school counsler...it sounds like she has some things going on she isnt able to handle on her own...thats why she is acting up///Good Luck

Answer 8

Beat her down!

That usually always works.

Answer 9

If you have honestly tried to do everything you can to get her behaviour under control and have been unsuccessful, THEN I'd have her evaluated by a doctor.  Getting kicked out of school at age 4 indicates there is a problem.

ADHD is a disorder of impulsivity.  The child doesn't mean to misbehave but is very impulsive and impulsive acts are sometimes seen as bad behavior.  Lying, stealing, talking back, etc are impulsive acts.  Not seeming to listen, always in motion, pushing, shoving, moving from activity to another, and can't seem to wind down or settle down are all symptoms.  Go to www.chadd.org to see what you think.

Also, look at her diet and take out sugar, yeast, and high carb snacks and meals.  See if removing wheat from her diet helps.  There are all kinds of theories of what causes problems with behavior.

Answer 10

Your four year old daughter is very young for this kind of behavior.  Oppositional Defiance Syndrome is a good description for your daughter.

I know it's Oppositional Defiance, but not sure about the Syndrome, but I don't think that matters right now.  It's the Oppositional Defiance that you're having a problem with.

I suggest you take her to your doctor and talk about this.  Sounds like she's way over the line.   It sounds like she is not a happy child.  She has no control over her behavior.

I have two grandchildren and they run the gamut with disorders.  I've heard them all.  I'm there when my daughter needs support or just needs a shoulder to cry on.   This isn't all the time.  Some days or just not good days.  She gets through them, because life goes on.  There are also improvements from day to day.  They'll all get through what has been dealt them.  It's hard work, but can be done.

I may be all wrong about this, but you're not going to know that unless you talk with you doctor.I know it's hard on you and your daughter, but things can get better.

Take care

Answer 11

I want to say it's just a phase, but I really don't know...

Answer 12

There are chances this is just an acting out phase but it is unlikely because all discipline methods you feel aren't working. She might be feeling extremely angry for some reason and doesn't know how to let out her emotions, try sending her to a child physcologist if you feel this is going to extremes.

Answer 13

all this talk about ADHD is a load of c**p, have you tried a good smack on the behind.

Answer 14

If you tried all those things, then something like a reward chart might work. Stickers for good behaviour and when you get a certain amount of stickers, say five, a reward is earned.

There might be some other problem, so go see a doctor too and maybe a therapist if you still get nowhere. Good luck, I admire single parents so much, I never could have coped alone.