Help with child who is not doing well socially...?

Question

I need some ideas for my 9 y/o son. He's a very bright child who, when something interests him, soaks up as much information on that subject as he can. If he's researched it he's like an encyclopidia on the subject.That's wonderful; except that he takes it to an extreme. It's litterly ALL he wants to talk about with any and everyone who will listen. His teachers have pointed out, and I have noticed on my own as well, that this is becoming a problem socially and accedemically. The other kids won't have much to do with him because they think he's "weird" and he only wants to talk about what interests him NON STOP. It's also effecting him in the classroom because if he's not interested in what's being taught he won't pay attention and is disruptive. For example; the teacher will ask a math question and he respond with; "Did you know ___". I need him to understand that while it's great he's so informed, he needs to be able to talk about other things and pay attention in class.

Answer 1

let me give you the criteria for asperger's syndrome   its possible he has it

DSM-IV DIAGNOSTIC CRITERIA FOR ASPERGER'S DISORDER

A.Qualitative impairment in social interaction, as manifested by at least two of the following:

(1) marked impairment in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body postures, and gestures to regulate social interaction

(2) failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level

(3) a lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people (e.g., by a lack of showing, bringing, or pointing out objects of interest to other people)

(4) lack of social or emotional reciprocity

B.Restricted repetitive and stereotyped patterns of behavior, interests, and activities, as manifested by at least one of the following:

(1) encompassing preoccupation with one or more stereotyped and restricted patterns of interest that is abnormal either in intensity or focus

(2) apparently inflexible adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals

(3) stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms (e.g., hand or finger flapping or twisting, or complex whole-body movements)

(4) persistent preoccupation with parts of objects

C.The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

D.There is no clinically significant general delay in language (e.g., single words used by age 2 years, communicative phrases used by age 3 years).

E.There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age-appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behavior (other than in social interaction), and curiosity about the environment in childhood.

F.Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

Answer 2

I would call your pediatrician to talk about it, he may need to see a behaviorist or psychologist who can see if he has anything "wrong" like obsessive compulsive or anything strange like that.  Otherwise at home I'd suggest you help him get interested in a wide variety of things so he will have more to talk about with friends.  

Something off subject, you could get him a Webkinz.....they are super fun and tons of 9 yr olds (yes, even boys!) have them!  :)  Kids love talking about their Webkinz

Answer 3

It sounds like he may not be picking up on social cues. Work with the school psychologist to help him improve this ability.

Answer 4

I am not one that jumps straight to "he must have...". But I would be getting him assessed. Sadly this is a big thing with kids who have Aspergers. I hate having to say this as I hate seeing everyone diagnose kids with Aspergers on here. But if it was my child I would be getting an assessment

Answer 5

Asperger's was the thought that crossed my mind, too. You say that the doctor didn't want to label him as such, but even if he doesn't quite meet the criteria for AS, you might want to look into some of the books or websites that suggest ideas for teaching social skills to such kids. It certainly wouldn't hurt, and you don't need a diagnosis to try a few simple things with him.

You could write some little stories to explain how people interact -- everyone gets to talk about the thing they like, and you have to listen to the topic when you're at school. Sometimes seeing it in writing makes it "stick" better. These are often called "social stories" and I'm sure you can find out more about them.

Give him some specific suggestions about how to talk to others and practice them around the house. At dinner, for example, each family member might get to pick a topic and everyone has to make a question or comment about it. Encourage him to respond to other people's interests, even briefly.

It's also important to set limits at both home and school. I respect my kids' needs to talk about their passions, but they have to learn when, and how much. We have, at various times, set an amount of time they could spend at one time on their topic, or set certain times during the day when it's okay. It also can make a great reinforcer -- "Finish up your math assignment, and then we can talk about '80s Swedish pop stars." If you have a good relationship with the teacher, perhaps she could help. She will need to nicely but firmly restate her question and clarify that he needs to answer it. If you both use a similar strategy or similar language to set limits, it will be more effective.

Perhaps you could also ask your teacher whether they do any social groups at school. Our school counselor runs small groups to help kids practice just the kind of skills you say he needs. I don't know what the criteria for inclusion would be, but you could ask, and maybe they could do a little bit of assessment to see whether they could help him improve his social skills. Good luck.

Answer 6

I agree with the Asperger's. My son is the same way. He has ADHD, but tested 3 grade levels above his. He's very smart, but you get him on a subject he loves, and he will come up with some off the wall facts that he's found on the subject. He doesn't have any friends and says everyone 'hates' him. We are having him tested for Aspergers as well. It will be the best thing for him. Behavioral therapy may do wonders for his social problems. Where I live, they also have centers for children with social problems to get together to 'learn' the social cues and responses that they don't have mastered yet. Look into it. You can call Childfind, or something similar in your area that helps special needs children. Or talk to your guidance counselor at his school and they may be able to direct you where you need to go. You have a wealth of resources at your finger tips, it's just knowing where to look! Good luck!

Answer 7

That really is a major symptom of Asperger's Syndrome.  I'd look into it.  Einstein was thought to have Asperger's.  They are often genius children, just have trouble with social situations and social norms.  He will lead a normal life.

http://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/tc/asp...

Answer 8

I think he's normal. at around his age, kids pick an interest and really get into it. in my day, I had a collection. psychologically and emotionally, this boosts his self esteem. in that one particular topic, he's the expert. it's quite common.

once he has this knowledge and confidence under his belt, he'll be more ready to "share" his knowledge with other kids. the problem maybe that he hasn't found kids who share his interests (again, back in my day, life was simpler riding your bike, catching bugs)

you can take a look at what he's interested in and use that as a jump off point. get him into clubs or classes that will support his interests. that way, you're sure that there will be kids who share his interests.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. he'll work it out on his own.