Help with fiance's daughter?

Question

Help with fiance's daughter?

Recently my fiance just got sole custody of his 3 yr old daughter because her mother took off and left the state and moved 12 hours away. He had full custodial custody and joint legal custody of the child while mother was here. The child did have visitation with her mother a few times a week.

Her mother left about a month ago and here in the last week the little one will ask me why mommy left. She asks me if mommy is going to pick her up from daycare, she even asks me if I'm her mommy now. This is breaking my heart. Her mother ran off with her newborn son to be with some guy that lives 12 hours away... I can't tell the little one that mommy doesnt want her, which is the honest truth.

The little one has started to act out a bit, she's gotten quiet and withdrawn, and often has crying spells. I've been a constant in her life for about a year now so I'm like a mother to her... more to come

Answer 1

Well...I think you should let her call you Mommy...talk to your fiance about that of course.  I don't see the harm in it though.  I have a three year old also, (I would never leave him on purpose) but I pray that there would be someone as good to him as I would want to be.  Little children need Mothers and they come in all forms.  

As for her asking where her Mommy is; that's a tough one.  Be as honest as you can with her.  Children are often smarter that we give them credit for.  She knows her Mommy is gone.      Just tell her that Mommy went away for a little while.  No more detail is needed unless she asks, keep your answers vague.  Don't say anything bad about the Mother either, it's not necessary.  More thank likely she will be fine with what little you give her.  Children need to know what's going on too.  If she asks you if Mommy is going to pick her up just say. "No, but I am" or something to that affect.  She is confused (rightly so) and I believe as soon as someone starts giving her the answers she so desperately needs she will quit acting out her frustrations.  Children are precious, and it seems like you know it.  Give that sweet little girl everything she needs from a Mommy and you will not regret it a day in your life.  Thank you for being there for her.  The world needs more people like you.  Good Luck Mom!!!

Answer 2

wait till she gets older bu tell her to call u aunti or something.or her step mom cause u basically are

Answer 3

I think she's lucky to have you, you sound very caring and like you truly have her best interest at heart.  Unfortunately, I have dealt with a similar situation with my two stepdaughters and the best advice I can give you is to keep doing what you're doing now.  Counseling is crucial for these children so I would definitely look into that as well.  At her age it's best to answer her questions as honestly but age appropriate as you can.  Reassure her that her mommy loves her very much but had grown up problems to deal with and that in the mean time she has you and her daddy.  It is heart breaking but she'll be fine with the two great parents she has.

Answer 4

well first off this is something you and your fiance need to speak about. You both should talk about if it is now ok to let her call you mommy (if you do not mind) since you have been in her life a long time and you have been taking care of her now that she lives with you both.

Although she is young she still needs an explanation. Without one she will only make up her own assumptions and that is the exact reason why she acts out. she feels that she has been abandoned and does not know how to react. Try explaining to her that her mommy isn't here right now but that you can be her mommy for now. She may look alittle puzzled and may ask why just simply tell her that you and her daddy are going to take care of her and love her. Now that she has somewhat of an explanation she should understand why she sees you more and not her biological mother.

Spend quality time with her (just you two girls) sometimes like going to eat ice cream and to the playground. Daddy too needs quality time so she can feel like nothing much has changed and is being cared for