Help with my 13 yr old son?

Question

my 13 yr old has been caught smoking earlier in the summer and was grounded and punished harshly with all his fav things taken from him. Now i find out this morn that a fresh unopened pack of smokes is missing several from the pack and my partners lighter was found in my sons room. He has denied it straight to my face and even suggested its a manufacturing flaw??!!

he has nothing left for me to take off him and to be honest i dont think he really cared that much the first time i did it, can anyone give me some suggestions as to how to punish him succesfully? i have sat him down and explained the dangers and effects etc but he continues to deny that he smokes, i am at my wits end with him.

Answer 1

How about you get his father figure to talk to him about it? At that age boys listen more to a father figure than a mother (sorry, at least thats my experience)

Answer 2

Tell him to come and sit next to you. Then take a packet of ciggs then take one and light it. Then give it to him and tell to smoke it. Then just make him smoke one after another till he's sick of  it for his whole lifetime.

Answer 3

if ur parnter smokes make ur partner not smoke around him. because thats an influence but yea you should get papers from boot camp and act like you'll send him and if he doesnt stop then send him 4 like a day2 boot camp 2 see the consiquences

Answer 4

You should probably help him quit instead of just making him go cold turkey (nicotene patches, etc). It probably doesn't help that your partner is smoking around him because that is just going to make him crave it even more.

Answer 5

tell him somthing but tell it to him harshly

Answer 6

This is a tough situation. If I was a mom of a 13yrold smoker, first I would go through his room (yes as his mom u have every rite to do that) and your house and remove all smoking materials, even if your partner smokes, you NEED to remove all that stuff. Then you need to interrogate him, in a friendly way. Ask him about his friends/gf/etc. Find out if they smoke too,where they get their cigarettes, etc. Also tell him and show him the effects of smoking.You can do this on Google Images. You can even tell him that no girl wants to be around a nasty slum who smokes chemicals and is slowly killing himself. If he still wont tell go to his friends and talk to them.

GOOD LUCK!!

Answer 7

punishment will not solve the issue. there is a medicine in homeopathy that can help him to stop smoking. if you know any acupuncture specialist will also helpful to you. the boy is not an addict. he has to cooperate and will have will to stop. the rest is very easy. we can take a horse to the pond but cannot make it drink. please explain him softly and if you are smoking' please stop smoking for him and it is easy also. i myself stopped after 30yrs of smoking. through i at a stretch. it will solve the issue. donot force the child. keep patience.help him to help you. you can solve the issue.

Answer 8

You can't. Nicotine is the most addictive drug known -- I've watched people quite literally smoke themselves to death -- and kids get just as addicted as adults. So no punishment is going to get him to stop. Even if he isn't addicted yet, it's an enormously seductive drug and many teenagers use it because they want to. Having decided they'd rather do it than avoid the risk of cancer, a parent's wishes are hardly going to make a difference! You'll have to wait for him to decide he wants to stop on his own.

Answer 9

13 is young but h**l do it no matter what. try being okay with it. or give him a pack of cigs and tell him you want him to light up one after another until the pack is gone right in front of you...trust me he will think about this after he is done. it is a good lesson most ppl cant handle it and he may just be doing it out of spite. try something like that. it may work!!!!my dad did it with my brother and he only choked down about 5 and he couldnt handle it anymore!

Answer 10

If your partner smokes - then how can your child respect you telling him not too?

Ground him or take away privaledges such as not letting him watch TV or something.  But tbh, it won't make much difference, at that age he will do what he wants to do and what his friends are doing.

don't give him money so that he can't easily buy them.

Its something he will grow out of in time I guess!

Answer 11

Well if you want him to stop your partner has too also. That way he can't think it's okay and so they aren't in the house. And if punishment doesn't work send him to boot camp, don't give him money and take away the TV and such. Not for a few weeks, just take them.

Answer 12

Well, threaten him. That worked for me. I repeatedly got D's in math, when I was in 7th grade (Going on 8th), and my parents threatened me that they were sending me to SUMMER SCHOOL, *Dramatic Music* so I got better through the year, I'm up to a C this time, still going...

Answer 13

your partners?? are you L*****n? that poor kid probly smokes cuz he wants real parents and prob gets made fun of at school...

Answer 14

if your partner smokes then youre son is bound 2 sort youre partner out first

Answer 15

well, i dont have any kids yet so i cant tell yuo HOW to punish him... but when i was younger... almost every friend i had was smoking by the age of 13, i know you dont want to think its true... but it is... and thats reality... his friends are probably smoking and he wants to be cool... when i was in the 8th grade we went on a field trip and talked to people who smoked for there whole lives..it made a pretty big effect on me... seeing these people with voice boxes and stuff... i know you want to punish him and ground him but at the end of the day you cant change anyone or stop him from doing what he is doing... if he knows you dont want him to smoke then he will probably want to smoke more, just because hes a 13 year old boy who wants to do things he knows hes not sopose to be doing... my mom actaully never told me to either do something or not, and she never got mad when i made bad choices... she always told me that i had to make my own choices and i would see the consequences for them... now my mom is an ex drug addict and alcholoc who had a very rough life... and coming from experience she knew if she told me i couldnt do something it wasnt going to make a difference to me.. now im not saying let your 13 year old son smoke, but in the end you probably arent going to change his behavior.. because he will find a way to smoke..

Answer 16

i think you should spend more time with your son usually kids smoke and use drugs when they dont feel loved or depresed you should talk to him and see how he feels

Answer 17

First you and your partner should set a good example and quit.  After that, all you can really do is make sure you aren't supplying him at all.

Answer 18

say you'll send him too boot camp.

and pretend to have everything ready.

my parets did tha about something else

answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 19

If the punisments were not enough, they never will be.  Worse, the more yuo forbid him to do it, the more he is going to sneak around behind your back and smoke anyway, just for the sheer thrill of defiance.  I asked dad about this (he's on a direct link from my system in my house to his).  From dad:

TJ is right about the 'forbidden fruit' thrill, and I did that when i was 14 or 15.  Dad saw me, asked me if i like d it (smoking), and asked if i had a particular  brand.  He had me get in the van with him, and we went to town, and he bought me a carton of smokes.  I was absolutely blown away!  That lasted about ten minutes after we got home.  Dadgot out an ashtray (he and mom have on and off smoke for as long as i can remember, but they have not in over 27 years now), and some matches, and sat then on he dining room table, and had me sit down with him.  He opened the carton, handed me a pack, an some matches, adn told me to go ahead and light up.  I did, and we talked about various subjects, and when I stubbed my smoke out, he told me to get another one out, and light that one up.  He made me smoke he entire pack one afte the other, until i got so sick that i had to run out he back door (bathroom was a bit too far) and get sick.  When i was done and came back in, dad had me sit down, and todl me to ligh tone up.  When i stated to 'turn green', dad told me that if he ever caught me smoking again, he would repeat this whole scneario again.  I quit smoking for about  3 years, and like an idiot, started up again."

Well, i wouldn't reccomend  dad's treatment, but the  point is there.  Either tie him up or keep him on a leash 24/7, or help him get over hte addiction.  Good luck

Answer 20

first most likely the people he hangs around most likely have these issues as well have you tried talking to his friends and their parents?,also make the time to talk to teachers neighbors anyone or anybody who may see him through out the day and let them no what he is up to do you know where he gets them go to the stores as many as you can and threaten to report them if you find out he or anyone has been giving cigarettes or anything for adults the key is to embarrass him because at that age thats all they care about i know this worked for me when i was a kid i never knew where or when my mom or someone she knew would see me so make sure you make it difficult and embarass him tell all his classes as well if you have to remember your his MOTHER NOT HIS FRIEND he will not like you now but will love you later this is from expieriance! also try something that will help with the addiction b/c he's probably hooked by this point but if he has nowhere to get them he will have to quit trust me this is time for tuff love these kids today run all over there parents and other kids see that and try it dont stand for it! what will happen is the other kids will not want to do this with him because they will also be in trouble get it and hopefully he will get knew friends

Answer 21

I think that consistency with teenagers is the key. If you punished him before, how severe was it? If he was caught smoking, how long did you take away his priveleges ? Taking away things they love like, cell phones, ipods, TVs. video games and also grounding them from going out with friends should start making him straighten up if you stick with it and dont just ground him for a day. Good LUck To you.

Answer 22

Well, I started smoking at that age and still do at 26 (although I have cut WAY back).  I was caught a few times but not really punished as both my parents smoked.  He's seeing it as okay because it is the norm in his home.  Maybe your son and your significant other could come up with some sort of contract with a reward after a certain amount of time not smoking.  Or, just do it the old fashioned way, make him smoke an entire pack in one sitting.