Help with my 2.5 year old son s tantrums at nursery?

Question

Hi my son was 2 in December and goes to nursery full time. He is not too bad at home, the occasional tantrum and head banging but at nursery he has suddenly started throwing his food, head banging, biting and generally being badly behaved. He tends to direct this to one carer who he either loves or hates. Every day i pick him up there has been another issue and im at my wits end. He still has a bottle am and pm, he speaks quite well and is very loving. He gets so angry especially at nursery and when hes tired. Its getting so i dont want to take him or the nursery may refuse him?? Im tearing my hair out what am i doing wrong? His dad isnt around much but i dont think this is the problem. Why is he so misbehaved at nursery he was OK ish before but its a nightmare these days... dread what they are going to say to me 9they are nice enough) but i can see they are fed up with it...Help....

Answer 1

Just to be safe, have your peditrician check out your child.  If he suggests tests or another dr., maybe a child psychologist, do it.  If there is a physical or mental problem causing his behavior, the sooner it is identified and treated, the better the chances of his having a normal life.

If there is no valid reason for his behavior, start NOW teaching him that he is NOT the center of the universe.  We tend to treat our children as if they were the center of the universe for the first 2 years of their lives, then spend the rest of our lives trying to dissuade them of that notion.

Lay down some ground rules for acceptable behavior, explain the penalties for breaking the rules, THEN FOLLOW THROUGH!  You will probably be subject to up to 2 weeks or so of unbearable behavior as he battles you for supremacy, but stick with it.  If you start this, and fold before it is finished, you can plan on a liftime of concern, unhappiness, and probably social alienation.  Good Luck!

I'm in my sixties, and have been a child care provider for many children, so my first-hand experience has taught me these lessons.  I have had parents of my charges follow  my advice and rear great children, but, without fail, those who do not establish their dominance while kids are young, spend a lifetime regretting it.

Please note that I have not mentioned corporal punishment at all.  It is not necessary (generally), but if you DO threaten it if a child disobeys, do as you said when he does.  Failure to do so will set you back on your path to happy child-raising.

Answer 2

I think it's called "terrible twos" for a reason.  Children this age are finding out that they are an independent being and sometimes this is how they express it.  Don't reward this behavior with attention.  Tell him you don't understand (and his caregiver doesn't understand) what he wants when he is screaming and crying.  Tell him to breathe deep (breath with him to show him the first few times) and when he is calm, he can use his words to tell you (or his caregiver) what he needs.  It sounds like he may be frustrated over a communication problem.  You need to talk to the caregiver and explain this approach to her.  You may also have to be patient and wait for this phase to pass.

Answer 3

Okay there could be many things wrong here:

Do you give him enough attention? Are you a full worker or have a lot to deal with already?

Does he have these habits at home? If he doesnt maybe he doesnt like the environment that he is in or maybe he feels left out with friends...

His dad not being there may contribute to the problem as he might be aware that his dad is not there, children of that age can be aware of that.

The way to solve it is to give him a lot of attention when he is out of nursery and make sure you put him in a regular pattern of sleep and eating and drinking.

Also if he does any of this to you at home,be strict and tell him it is very wrong and if he does it again then you will be extremely angry! This isnt to harsh so you feel you are being fair yet firm

Dont get stressed around him he willm sense it and feel worse!

Hope this helps!

Answer 4

You must first put the head banging to a end at home. I believe in time out and corporal punishment. Your child is trying to see how much he can get away with. It does not matter how you do it, but if you do not end it now. You will be looking at a juvenile delinquent in 12 years. It only gets worse from here. Good luck

Answer 5

my son went thru something similar, when he was about 2, hitting and biting....but I told the daycare to be really firm with him, and sit him in timeout as much as they were able to when he misbehaved........(at home he would get spankings), but it's just a phase he's going thru I am sure. They learn this type of actions by other kids. (Even if they dont have another child that acts this bad, more than likely your son saw another kid do it, and finds he can get alot of attention acting this way)......good luck. Be sure to reinforce it at home (Not punish him at home for what he did in daycare. He wont remember), but reinforce telling him not to misbehave, and act up (be alot more specific), and remind him of this right before you drop him off also...........

Answer 6

Strong discipline and start NOW.  Zero tolerance at home for head banging and biting.  Make sure he knows this is not the way to behave.  Tell the nursery to also use strong discipline - if he gets a strong message that is not the way to behave he will change.  You have to make a concerted effort from NOW