Help with my 6yo?

Question

My 6yo daughter is in a phase I guess. She is just disobeying everything we say. I mean big stuff and the littlest things she just doesnt do them. We have spanked her , put her in time out, we even put up all her toys and grounded her. She doesnt pitch tantrums or anything like that but If I tell her to say brush her hair she will go play and not do it. What do I do? She has been doing this kinda of thing for like 2 weeks now . I dont think its attention cause when she is not in trouble she gets alot of attention from us. I just dont know. Any advice from parents who have been there would be great.

Answer 1

Be firm with her - remember you are in charge.  there might be some tantrums involved, but if you stay consistent and dont give her an inch - she'll come around.  Keep talking to her too, it usually works best at bedtime for me and my 6 year old.  ask her about school, friends, homework etc - you might be surprised what she tells you.  my son was acting very defiant and more emotional than normal for over a week - turns out he was having a problem with a friend at school. it upset him so much he started acting out.  once he broke down and told me his whole attitude changed back to normal.     good luck!

Answer 2

You sound like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. Keep it up.  If you ask/tell her to do something, Follow her to whatever she does, to make sure she doesn't distract herself and  start playing. If she continues to be disobedient, get a little tougher. ...

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Answer 3

I have to agree with jamieann. When my kids were younger and they wouldn't do what they were told, like brushing their teeth, I would pick them up and put them in the bathroom and i would sit with them. I would say "We will sit here until you brush your teeth" At first it was funny to them but once they saw i was serious, they did what they were told. How long this takes really depends on how stubborn your daughter is. My youngest is VERY stubborn so she took a little longer than her sister and brother. I also would pretend to answer the phone and tell her friends, "Oh I'm sorry she can't come out and play. She was supposed to pick up her room 30 minutes ago and she still hasn't. She isn't going anywhere. That pissed her off but eventually got the hint.

I think the key is making sure that you are there to supervise, once she refuses to do what she is told. Telling her to clean her room and having her refuse but sitting in her room by herself playing isn't teaching her anything!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 4

My goodness talk about confusing!  How do you expect HER to behave when YOU can't be consistent?  And to top it off you HIT her.  Why should she respect what you say when you hit her?  Why should she respect your rules when you change discipline on her all the time?  Pick a discipline (time outs DO work when you use them CONSISTENTLY and you ENFORCE them) obviously you have no desire to actually work at parenting.

Answer 5

Well, you tell her to do something, she ignores you and does something else. So, using your example, you tell her to brush her hair, she goes out to play.  You go out, tell her that was not what she was told to do, carry her butt back in if needed, and do not let her do anything else until she does what you say. It's hard, time consuming, and overall a pain but be firm and do not let her get away with disobeying you at all for even the tiniest thing. Just stop her from doing anything else until she does what you say. Eventually she will get that you are serious and will start doing what you've said. As a perschool director and former teacher, time-outs are a waste of time. Kids could care less. She's challenging you right now and you need to win!! Stand firm, don't back down and eventually she'll get it.

Answer 6

Lots of praise and positive attention. You could also try a reward chart where she gets a sticker everytime she does what she is told, if she gets enough stickers she gets a prize or toy. Time-out works best at this age, grounding not so much because children will always find something else to play with or do. Also allow her to have control a bit - not to much just enough, tell her you have to brush your hair in the next 15 minutes, or this needs to be done in the next 5 minutes, give her a bit of time, or if she has to do two or more things tell her to choose which one she wants to do first. Try to make the simplest things as fun as possible. Make a game out of it. Do you actually bring the hairbrush to her and hand it to her and tell her to brush her hair? Or do you just simply say go brush your hair? You have to remember she is 6, any 6 year old would rather be playing than brushing their hair. Try taking a look at things through her point of view, as parents it is important we try and do this. Children do not disobey us just to disobey, they have there reasons, even if sometimes they aren't good enough reasons to us.

Answer 7

You had it right.  She is seeking attention.  Has something changed in the home recently when this began?  I would suggest ignoring it when she doesn't do as you asked unless it is detrimental to her health.  Try spending a little more time with her in a positive way and praising for what she does.  There is a great teaching/helping plan that is called "Love & Logic", try looking it up on the net and following it's steps to help with this situation.  It simply states though that the child's love language is not being met so they improvise the only way they know how.  Good luck.