Help with my Eating Disorder

Question

I have been bulimic for the past 8yrs, seeing a clinical psychologist for the past year, became annorexic but bulimia remaind a stable infulence on my life.

Unlike stereo-typicial I'm 42 yrs old, happily married and life is going well as far as fhusband and girls are concerned. My mother has become really quiet unwell and i know that i'm losing her, which is very hard to watch and see/watch............

I'm currently on 60mg of Prozac which i'm so thankful for or else i would be so devasted about my ma......she means the world to mean and i'll do anything i can to make her feel better......

My ED was getting a little better but the root of my 'evils' are a lot to do with lack of self worth.

I'm finding it really difficult to stay supportive for my mum and the go home and be mother/wife to my family. My family are great and are happy to share my grief but i feel if i share with them then i can't get away in a sheltered sort of way from the problem, which when feeling like this makes me feel like I'm betraying my ma...........

Help? any ideas or suggestions greatly recieved x

Answer 1

Anorexia and bulimia are both very complex disorders, as I'm sure you know by now.  They are not about the food.  They involve so many emotions, fears, anxieties, etc., and no two people are exactly alike or have the exact same causes.  Therapy must be individualized.

While you do identify some of your problems, such as stress, low self-esteem, etc., I think there's one you may be overlooking.  Regardless of the "root" cause, eating disorders are often worsened when the person is feeling a loss of control, usually control over bad things happening in their life.  The underlying theory is that you take control (subconsciously) of the only thing you absolutely CAN control -- your body size.  It's like a coping mechanism when other things seem to be spiraling out of your control, like the thought of losing a parent and not being able to do enough for them.

You are right to try to understand it, that's key to overcoming it.  Please don't take on additional feelings of guilt, though.  It's not your fault that you have this disorder -- you didn't ask for it, right?  Talk with your therapist about these things.  Be as supportive as you're able with your mum, but try to accept that you are not "super woman".  Let your family help you.  There's only so much one person can do -- and it sounds like your plate is pretty full.

If I can be of help, feel free to email me.  I've lost both of my parents and know how frightening it can be.  Good luck, and give yourself a break...

Answer 2

I do not know much about eating disorders, But I just wanted to send my thoughts and prayers to you after reading your post. I am sorry you are going through so much. I wish you lots of strength.