Help with my boyfriend's mother..?

Question

i live in las vegas, but moved to ny for the summer to be with my boyfriend. i left my job and my family and everything to be with him. he was living on his own for a few years, but his mother asked him to move back in b/c she was going to lose her house. he's paying over half of their mortgage and will give them money whenever they ask. but got really upset one day when she said that he thinks giving them more money is good enough, but it isn't...we need to take care of the house.

now, i DO help out around the house and even did so before she had a huge fit b/c she said all i do is sit around the house doing my nails and i go to the mall and go to movies, etc. (which isn't true, i never do my nails and if i want to go see a movie in my free time .. isn't that my choice?) my boyfriend defended me but she still has a problem with me and i can tell.

i'm always cleaning up after her and her husband, they're constantly leaving piles of dirty dishes in the sink, a mess in the kitchen and bathroom, and i'm always vacuuming and doing laundry and stuff, but it's still never good enough, she even went as far as saying that i'm lazy. which, anyone who knows me would say i'm not lazy by any means.. if i see that something needs to get done, i do it. and i'm not the kind of person that goes around telling everyone what i've done. but it seems like they'll treat me differently until i give them a run down of everything i've done around the house. and nothing i do will ever be good enough and i'm not sure if i should say something to her or to my boyfriend or if i should just leave it alone.

i'm getting more frustrated by the day b/c i don't think it's fair that i'm constantly cleaning up after them and they don't even notice or appreciate it; i'm starting to feel like a maid. i know it'll continue and my parents and family say that i should just go back home..but i'm torn, b/c i love my boyfriend and i want a future with him. i just think it's going to be really difficult if his mother is going to always be like this..

Answer 1

cap her

never mind

Answer 2

Get a job or go back to Vegas. Being where you are is not a good life choice. You left your independence to be an unpaid domestic--what is the future there for you? Does your boyfriend have the type of job where he could relocate to Vegas to be with YOU?

Answer 3

move out w/ your bfriend & into your own place together. Thats the only way it will ever work-

Answer 4

stop being such a mug! tell her to stuff it and walk away, as much as you love your b/f you will never have a normal happy relationship.

remember, blood's thicker than water! if it comes to the crunch, and there's a big row, if he's forced to choose he'll take her side over you. all the time you're cleaning up after them and being their servant they're loving it! and will probably expect you to do more and more. you never moved in expecting to be a live in house keeper, ask yourself one question, why are you one now?

you're better off out of it, simply walk away and say to them "I CAN DO BETTER!" Good luck, there's a better life out there waiting for you somewhere, you've just gotta go and find it.

Answer 5

im a boy sooo il give this a crack,

you obviously love your boyfriend and yes mums are sometimes a pain in the *** but itz shorley worth getting through so you can be with your boyfriend it wont last foreva doing all the cleaning and stuff u and ur bf could move out and make urselfs a life of it. but if itz really getting you down then u need to do what u fink is best!

good luck hope i helped a little :D  

Answer 6

Lay the smack down on that woman!  She does not like you, obvious, if you are honestly considering moving back, lay it out and demand equel respect....what have you got to lose if your leaving if it doesn't work - just don't tell her you might leave - thats what she wants.  

Do you live off your boyfriend?  Thats between you and him and "Mommy" needs to realize he is a man and your his woman.  Why doesn't she like you?  Ussually they think you are not good enough...if thats the case, she is family, you want that, so overcome what her objections are and then confront her, have an emotional girl talk thing...mud wrestle he heh yah  

Answer 7

What Nationality are they?

Sounds funny to me

Answer 8

the major problem is that this is your boyfriend's PARENTS house.  even if he is paying the majority of the mortgage, they still see it as their house, and their little boy.  He needs to get out on his own, then you two can do whatever you want,  until then, you are still going to appear to the mom as an outsider freeloading in HER house, no matter what.

Answer 9

ok,#1.Did ur parents care?#2.Call them and see wat they say.#3.Tell your bfs mom how u feel,maybe shell understand,i mean ur not in there family.

Answer 10

Did they invite you to live in their house for free?  I think she wants you out of their house.  You're intruding...go home and let your boyfriend deal with his own family.

Answer 11

You should sit down with his mother and have a one-on-one conversation about how much this is bothering you. Tell her exactly how you feel and that you love her son very much, and that this is effecting the relationship you guys have.  

Answer 12

confront her. and if you do/already did and she don't do anything about it, just try to ignore her as much as you can.

hope i helped.

Answer 13

Take His mother out to lunch and show ehr that you really care. ANd just bring it up with her and whats the worst that could happen. If it doesn't work you need to tell your boyfriend about it and that it's really affecting you. Good Luck

Answer 14

People like that in experience are annoying but no matter what you have to be robust. Tell them how you feel. The way it's going it's only going to tear you guys more and more apart from the emotional distress and seems like nothing is being done about it. I would just be strong and tell it like it is but with respect also, never lose your respect for people even if they are rude because if you do it'll always come back on you someway somehow. I can see the lack in communication; communication is the key to a successful relationship. Just stay you, do what you think is best. Pick up to the best of your ability and after that you can do whatever you want. Something has to be done and by the sound of it it's not going to get better so you have to initiate the situation. :)

Answer 15

Maybe they don't approve of you living together in their house. Move to your own place.

Answer 16

oh honey, you are in a mess !!  they have a new maid and they love it. they are taking advantage of you.  they know that you want their approval and i'm afraid you will never get it.  the more you do , the more they are gonna want from you.  i'm  gonna have to agree with your family.  you need to get away from that place.  the decision needs to be on your boyfriend.  he can't rescue his mom forever.  he needs to let her grow up.  go back to vegas and let them all see how much help you were when you were there.  he will either follow you or stay with mom.  if he stays ,be glad you found out now before you get married because i think she would probably always come before you.