Help with my daughter?

Question

last weekend, i walked in on my daughter and her boyfriend in bed. now i catch her at least 2x a night sneaking out. sometimes she gets away from the house, and she doesnt take her phone--like she does everywhere else. i am afraid of what could be happening. i wouldnt mind her going somewhere at night, because she is responsable. i have tried to talk to her, but she wont talk to me, so i have gotten mad, and i think she is upset, and one night i caught her with a condom. has anyone had a situation like this? and what did you do? and any kids--any advise is appriciated.

Answer 1

Maybe a bribe is in order, even if it doesn't seem fair to you.   Offer her a gift card for dinner somewhere nice for two if she will take the phone and keep it turned on, or something else that you know will work.   Tell her that what you fear most is that one night she won't come back, or an emergency will come up, and you would have no idea where to even start to look for her.   And, you might tell her how you feel, that you've done something wrong to make her feel that she can't be honest with you, and you want to make it right.  See if you can make a deal with her that she can go out, and you don' t have to know every last detail, but you have to have a way to reach her.   That's really the issue.    Yes, it is disturbing that she is having s*x, but you can't close that Pandora's box at this late date.  She's on BC.  Let's hope it works.  

Since you know the boyfriend, at least it's not someone she met on the internet, or some creep twice her age.  While you can't stop the s*x, you will have to be on the lookout for the creeps, so the more she tells you, the better.  And, for that, she's going to have to get over a little of her shyness about what she's doing, because that is what this is all about.

Answer 2

It doesn't look like you can stop your daughter from having s*x, so it's your job as a parent to make sure that she knows the consequences.  Maybe you should get her on birth control so she doesn't get pregnant.  If you want to talk to her, don't be too forward about and let her come to you.  Many parents are too direct about things and then their kids end up not talking to them.  

Hope this helps and good luck!!!

Answer 3

well, no age is mentioned, so i am guessing 14-16 years old. girls at this age, think they are in love and there is no convincing them otherwise. invite this boy over to your home, have him for dinner and talk with him. if you get to know him, and you like and accept him as a boyfriend for her, she may not even want to see him again! when you are all spending an evening watching a movie at your home, bring up the s*x subject - watch the reaction of both. hey, they think they are grown, treat 'em that way. don't make fun, don't be mean. just be real. sneaking out is something a lot of kids do. if you have a clearer communication going on with your daughter, that may stop. is she only doing this to see a boy? if so, get that boy to your house. we as parents can't control what they do when they are not home, but if our home is open to receive their friends, and accept them as people not just 'kids' things can go better. good luck, she won't be a teen forever.

Answer 4

Evidently it is too late to stop the sexcapades.  At the very least you can try to find out what is going on in her head.  Try writing her a letter and let her know that you are there to listen to whatever she has to say, see if she writes you back.  If so, maybe that can be your special way of communicating for now. Even if she does not write immediately, maybe you can continue to write and let her know how she is making you feel.

Answer 5

Well you have your hands full. I guess the first thing would be is how old is she.

They saying is they are going to do what they are going to do. There is no way to stop your daughter from having s*x if that is what she wants it's impossible unless you handcuff her to the bed post of your bed and sleep with your eyes open all night.

I would say try to sit down and tlak to her tell her your not upset but you want to make sure she knows what she is doing and being safe that is about all you can do

Answer 6

I would be sure to keep communicating whenever possible.  Find out why she feels the need to sneak out.  Why does she feel the urgency to see her boyfriend so often, and enough to break the rules and risk your trust?

She may have been a responsible girl up to this point, but it sounds as if she is headed towards the wrong set of tracks.  And the only way I see to prevent this, is to talk, talk, talk!  

When I was 16 I was a great girl until I started dating this guy.  He manipulated me and pushed me into a lot of situations I wouldn't usually have done.  I'm not blaming him, I'm blaming my youth, insecurity and lack of involvement with my parents.  Had my parents tried talking to me and help me understand my behavior, I might have made far better choices...

Answer 7

How old is she? I know that must suck walking in on her and her boyfriend. I wouldn't overreact to what she is doing. She is on the pill-That is a good thing! If she is a teen, it is pretty normal behavior.

Answer 8

You say she's responsible but yet you catch her breaking your rules? Doesn't sound like it.  Assuming she is a minor then you need to treat her as such.

Maybe try taking away her phone when she is home?

Answer 9

h**l at lease she is protecting herself..you just need to talk to her and tell her your not mad just concerned for her well being..Maybe talk to her about getting on birth control that way no slip ups happen

Answer 10

Father of.... seven kids.... WOW... You've got your "hands" full !! Respect!! Now, about your "little girl"... If she's on birthcontrol, then at least you do NOT have to worry about an unwanted pregnance! Tha's good! But you still have to sit down & talk to her about your... "rules"...and you say, she's "responsible"...well...then, she should also carry her phone WITH her, when she leaves home... Point out to her, that you are concerned about her : SAFETY & that she should always be able to get in touch with you, in case od ..."emergency"...Tell her all of your concerns ! As a parent, you have the responsibility to care for the well-being of the child, etc. I'm sure, if you explain all the consequences that "may" happen, she will realize the necessity of communicatin between you two !!!

I wish you : open channels of communication in the future & lots of understanding for the both of you!!! Greetings from Germany... Annette***

Answer 11

well - I don't find the actions you are describing as responsible - You need to sit and talk with her in a calm manner she may open up to you if you tell her you are sorry for yelling at her but this is something we really need to talk about because it is worrying me- as long as she is getting away with her actions then she will continue to do it.  You did not mention her age and age is a huge factor is she 12 or almost 18? She is sneaking out because 1 she feels you will tell her she can't go or 2 she has something to hide.  You need to have the s*x talk with her if you haven't already and you need to take her phone - computer - car what ever away from her as punishment.  Let her know that she can ask you to go places and set limits when she does- a decent curfew- know who she is going with and where she will be  all you can really do isinstill good values on her and hope she follows your teaching - oh they will mess up from time to time but you sure don't want her making a habit of her curent actions.

Answer 12

i agree with Dgaf Mommy, kicking&....and nickiw 19. good luck to you.

Answer 13

Hey, at least she's using protection.

Answer 14

when u approach her talk to her like u understand not accusingly or u should know better type of stuff ,, just tell her u cant decide for her but u wanna be sure she doesn't get pregnant and u want to schedule a appointment [that u both go to] so she can get checked and get birth control. and tell her [in a nice way] that s*x and hormones mixed 2gether can easily lead u astray prime ex. sneaking out, that's hormones , s*x and immaturity combined, if u wanna do grown up things then behave more maturely all around and be respectful in everything u do ,, respect can [giving it and receiving it] can carry u a loooong way,, u might have the second part of that on the way home from the doctor and start out telling her that going to the Dr.was a mature step and she needs 2 continue being mature and responsible,, i could say a whole lot more on this ,,the most important thing is your approach,,,