Question:

Help with my descriptive essay please, and thank you!!!?

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Okay so I have a descriptive essay due and I just want you guys to read what i have written so far and tell me if you think it's good...Now it's a quick rough draft so I know theirs alot fo grammar problems. So i have to pick a place and describe it (but not just the bulding like everything their and ab out the people and stuff and what else it can be used for kinda) So I picked a movie theatre... So any helps please!!!

A large building filled with smaller rooms inside, built much the same as a bee hive, holds a large part of Tulsa’s entertainment Industry; Each of these many rooms holds row after row of chairs aligned in front of a large screen. Tiny, dim lights aluminates the narrow walk ways and stairs, leading to the seats. As these lights dim even more, and eventually fade out, people scurry about the rows to find the perfect seat, just in time for the screen to flicker to life, the movie of your choice begins to place. Yet there is always that one unlucky individual who fails to find the perfect seat and is forced to leave.

That’s right, looming large in Tulsa’s entertainment industry is the AMC theatre. Although so much more can come from the AMC then simply watching a movie on a large screen. You could find your soul mate (Okay, let’s be real. A short time boyfriend), a friend, or even an enemy. So much can be learned about a person by their mannerisms at a theatre. You can learn if a person is honest, dishonest or perhaps just a little shady. You can even see if your personalities will match! Many times, only a few people will laugh at a certain part, a clear indicator if your humor will match up. And let’s be honest, we all know the floor is sticky, and wet, thanks to many people who mistakably confuse the floor for the trash can, a very easy mistake to make since the theatre is so dark. But there is still a good side to that! The mess will bring the neat freaks together as they scurry out of their seats and pick up as much remaining trash as they can before reaching the door.

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3 ANSWERS


  1. The imagery is very good. However, your grammar definitely needs a lot of work.


  2. Yes your imagery is good but the structure is somwhat lacking.

    you need to have some kind of conclusion a clincher and also a better introduction it seems as if im reading from the middle of the essay.

    you need to better separate  and clarify each point ur making and elaborate on each. as for the begining it seems as if you should start from the outside and go in to give me a bit more tangible description so i could feel as if i where there. hope this helps :)  

  3. you also need a thesis. Is the main point about this that "so much can be learned about a pesron by their (should be his or her) mannerisms at a theatre"? If this is the topic sentence, elaborate. I didn't really understand the point of the essay.

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