Help with my five year old....please?

Question

I have a 5yr old son who is driving me mad. He just started climbing on everything and becoming very defient. He is becoming really unruly and acting out. he gets a lot of attention. I am a stay at home mom. Any suggestions?

Answer 1

1) Is there anything different about his schedule or daily routine, like preschool or kindergarten?  If there have been any big changes, sometimes it just takes them a little while to adjust.  

2) Consistency in both positive and negative reinforcement.  I would start out with the positive... a simple behavior chart where he can earn stickers throughout the day toward something he wants, like extra mom or dad time, a special treat... doesn't have to be big.  Little match box cars worked great for my boys at that age.  I used to break it up into morning, noon - 3, 3 - 6, and 6 - bedtime.    Not getting a sticker may be enough to turn some of it around, and by breaking it up into small time chunks, he can always try again very soon.  I also used time outs a lot... and sometimes, when a new negative behavior started, it felt like they were in time out all the time, but looking back, after two or three days of lots of time outs, its amazing how quickly they put it together.  Just remember, when you work with time outs, the behavior often will get worse before it gets better.  Don't give up too soon

Answer 2

a child that young has a lot of unbridled energy.  He is acting out for attention and is hyper because he doesn't have an outlet for that energy.  Try this: have him do several jumping jacks and run in place, or another type of exercise.  This exercise will burn up all of that energy,wear him out so he will become calmer.  This works around bedtime so that he will fall fast asleep and not keep you up throughout the night.  If he's climbing into everything, disract him with other activities he can do.

Also, let him know what's acceptible behavior and what's not.  And set up a reward and punishment system so that he knows what to expect for his behavior, good and bad.    Reward him for good behavior such as a trip to the zoo if he's good all week.  Telling him "no" is not enough.  Some type of punishment is in order to change the behavior such as a spanking.

If nothing works, then I would take him to get some therapy to find out why he is like this.

Maybe a change in his diet? What is his diet like?  Does he eat a lot of sugary things?  If yes, this would add to his hyperactivity.  Lots of children act out when they are bored....so make sure he has plenty of activities to keep him busy and some physical activities (with or without children his own age) that would help him burn off that energy and distract him from getting into everything.

Answer 3

shout at him if he gets pocket money threaten to take it off him tell him he cant have any sweets or chocolate or anything like that try anything like that it might work good luck

Answer 4

more sleep

Answer 5

There are some really good answers on here and I could just reword them but I'm not going to. I just have one thing to add.

You said he's getting a lot of attention, and that may be why he's acting up. Try to do more things with him, like playing outside. This will help burn up some of his energy, and give him time with you. Make sure he knows what he's doing is not okay.

Answer 6

-more sleep

-different eating habits

-don't say "this is your last warning"

-spank him (not too hard)

-remember who's boss

-don't swear at him

-don't give up on him

-spend time with him (play games or read together)

Every 5 year old does this once in a while, but you have to learn how to keep your cool.  If he really starts to act out then spank him (not too gently and not too hard) Good Luck:)

Answer 7

pmek15 - I couldnt agree more

Answer 8

that is life and the only thing you can do is punish your child properly..... count your blessings though for having him...

a boy in my town who is 5 jsut passed away friday.... completely awful..... everyone here needs to take a second today and think of this boy's family!!! Just 1 second....

I am sure they were wishing he was driving them mad today...

Answer 9

try talking with him - if this is out of character for him, he could be dealing with something at school you arent aware of...

also, make sure he is getting good sleep. boys get very reved up when they dont get enough rest.

Answer 10

I think I'd look at what is new or different in your son's life since his new behaviors started. Usually change is enough to trigger acting out in kids that young. If you cannot pin point what brought these negative changes about, consider discussing it with his pediatrician. Perhaps a referal to a therapist is in order. It could also just be that he is bored. Maybe it is time for school? If he won't go to school until September, consider a playgroup to give him some friends and hopefully some positive role models.

Answer 11

If he has started school or preschool. He maybe copying someone's behavior think that's how you get what you want. Kids that are introduced to new kids like starting school tend to pick up alot of behaviors they never showed. Teach him that those are not acceptable. Stop it now.

Answer 12

he needs consistency in his daily routine every day same time same place same rules.

Answer 13

Stop giving him the attention he wants. If you give it to him, he'll come to believe that he can control you, which will really affect his behaviour--even in the later years.



Here are a few suggestions about certain types of misbehaving and punishments for it:

1. Temper Tantrums: I know a little old trick that always works-ignore them. If he starts to have a temper tantrum, grab a magazine, book, or anything that makes it look like you're occupied. Then pretend to read it while he has a temper tantrum, completely ignoring him. When he stops, turn around and say something like, "Oh, glad you're done! Want to go read a story now?" (Or something similar). Never give in when you don't need to. If he then continues, redo the routine until he gets the message and stops. If it gets really bad in your own house, I would say feel free to leave the room and leave him by himself until he calms down. But don't worry about tantrums too much-they're just a phaze that every child goes through and will end before you know it.

2. When he says rude things: If he says something rude to you, don't automatically let it go and let him continue.  Also, don't shoot something back. (That would be completely unparental). Just tell him, "If you don't calm down and talk nicely to me, I will be forced to put you on timeout." If you don't have a certain timeout spot, take some masking tape and put an X on the floor. He needs one spot, not many, where he has to go when he's misbehaving. Never send him to his room. Let's just face it; a child's room is a toy paradise, not a "time-to-think" jail cell. Timeout is best because they're in one spot where there's nothing to occupy them. Talk to them after, by asking them to tell you what they did wrong and to apologize, and then give them a nice hug.

3. Physically hurting others: This is when it gets serious. Physically hurting others is one of the worst things your child can do, and will do. If they harm you or someone else purposely, now's the time to get serious. Don't sit them on timeout. Make more serious punishments, like limitting them from desserts and certain snacks for a few days, etc. It's not grounding them or being mean-it's setting limits. It's not okay for a child to hurt somebody, because it will defenitely not be okay when they grow up. Also, again, tell them to say sorry and have a one-on-one chat with them about it.

4.Anything else: Well, if it's as serious as hurting somebody, take the advice I gave you up there. Timeout is also always an option. If he's climbing on everything, start setting limits to where he can and cannot go in the house, including the places he climbs. Another idea is to  have a star chart, where whenever he's good you can give him a star sticker on the chart. If he's bad, you can take one off. Then you can say that whenever he gets to about 10 stars, you'll give him a special treat. (Chocolate bar, family outings, a toy he really badly wants, etc). This is a good idea because then he won't want to misbehave, but behave so that he can get a treat sooner.

I hope your son will start behaving more,

Claire ;)

Answer 14

You have to remember who is the boss. Don't argue with him or give in if you say no. He is testing you and he is winning. When he gets in school he will be told like twice and then he will have to serve the consequences. So let him know the rules and good behavior get rewarded bad behavior you get in trouble.But follow through with it. I know it is hard and it seems you are being mean but sometimes act like he is not your child and how would want that child to act and how would you punish them.

Answer 15

Anything from a child's diet to the amount of sleep he or she gets can greatly affect behavior. Your son is a five year old boy so climbing on things and having a lot of energy isn't necessarily be a big deal. I'm sure it's inconvenient for you but you'll have to be patient. If you're really worried about his behavior you might want to have him tested for attention deficit disorder or some other illness. First try giving him more fruits and vegetables and less processed foods. Also, make sure he gets 8 or more hours of sleep a day and keep him on a regular routine so that he gets use to it. Try keeping him engaged with something that can keep him quiet but focused. My two year old nephew is having a similar issue and I just watched him this weekend. I made sure we didn't watch any TV and I kept him busy doing something pretty much constantly. His behavior was totally different from the way it is at his grandma's house. Good luck!