Help with my husband!!!!! ?

Question

Okay, so we are separated right now.. only have been for a few days.. two kids under 4 at home, married for 7 years. My husband is home most evenings, but doesn't help with the kids, or housework, or even play with the kids. He is great with his kids--when it is convenient for him or when he isn't too tired and mom here doesn't get to lay around in the evening like he does even if the kids are screaming and fighting each other--he doesn't budge... Okay so my sister gave me an idea of each of us answering a questionnaire about what we want from here forward, because he does have issues with me as well. So i need some brainstorming of questions that each of us should answer about the other, swap papers and go from there. There are alot of underlying problems too... For example the best way to describe our marriage is an old married couple. We don't talk, we don't snuggle, we don't hold hands, watch movies together, nothing. No goodnight kiss or anything. s*x life never been over active so that is no different. He loves me and I love him... but I guess I just need some advice here.

Answer 1

Been married 22 years and your husband has the "Honey, I love you and If I ever change my mind, I'll let you know" syndrome.

I caught it after about 6 years then almost lost my wife to another man last year because of it.

Every man is tired when he gets home from work, but I found out the hard way that my wife needs attention (away from the kids), compliments, phone calls, e-mails, greeting cards, flowers, then lots and lots of holding and admiring.

He needs to remember why he WANTED to marry you in the beginning.

Question: When you guys were dating, did it matter how long his day was or how tired he was? NO!!  He was there at your doorstep, cleaned up and ready to take you somewhere, right?  

Well just because your married doesn't mean this can't still happen.

Get dressed up, you know, make-up, his favorite perfume, then seduce him and tell him what you DESIRE for him to do, not a simple what you WANT him to do.

Use your imagination and a little whipped cream. A few cold grapes work well too.

Good Luck!

Answer 2

My advice is to fix the underlying problems first. Work on your foundation then continue with the fine-tuning. I think filling out a questionnaire is a good way to start but you have to be careful not to point the finger of blame at each other.

Let him know exactly what you expect of him as a father (role model) and a husband (responsibilities).

Be intentionally in a good mood. Not in an annoying way but just cheerful and optimistic. Praise him, not overly but enough that he'll know that you appreciate him and his efforts.

There is nothing wrong with not kissing each other good night or not having s*x as often. However, you could try to incorporate more physical touch in your daily lives.

It is great that you want to get a grasp on your issues and resolve them. But if you spend too much time on it you can achieve just the opposite. As long as both of you are determined that you want to stay together you are in a win/win situation.

Answer 3

"7 year itch"... glad you guys are working at it.. at least you.. there is a board game for adults.. dang, cannot remember the name.. kinda the same lines.. you have to ask/answer questions about each other.. makes it fun and not like "counseling"...

Answer 4

As night draws near I hide in fear

Covering the dark circles that shade my eyes.

I can’t cry when you’re near

because I’m afraid that you’ll hear

so I pretend it doesn’t hurt

when you treat me like dirt,

telling them lies

when they ask about the marks on my legs and thighs.

Sweating through the summer heat as I hide behind a veil of deceit

Trying to cover the marks from your strikes

That holler for our secret to come to light.

Sometimes people stop and stare

asking why my eyes are red

but I can’t answer them for fear that one day

I might make him really mad and end up dead.

These wounds won’t shut up.

F.U.C.K.!

What can I do I’m too scared.

So I just pull my sweater lower to silence their screams

As I continue to pretend that this is all a dream

Morning is coming before long

Soon this pain will be all gone.

Answer 5

tell him u want s*x every nite. that will cure everything.

Answer 6

Well I have a husband myself of eight years and two boys under 3 so I can relate, I think what you need is to find why you fell in love with him in the first place, go on ALONE dates again, start to talk more FIND time for each other, snuggle, smack his butt in the kitchen while he's making a coffee, hold hands at home just while your sitting watching TV of something, find ways to kiss him out of no where, make it a point, and as for the s*x, try new things, go to a hotel for an evening and rent a romantic movie to watch believe the s*x drive will come back, I mean if you want this to work, you are going to have to work at it! Just remember the more time you spend apart isn't bringing you any closer as a couple! Good luck and I hope it all works out!