Help with my s*x life (people over 30 please)?

Question

I am with an awesome guy--I love him very much. But I am not quite satisfied with my s*x life and need a little more spice. We are engaged---and I feel NOW should be when things are super exciting--and yet he doesn'tt seem to have the same appetite I do. I would like some dirty talk--some rough stuff (nothing wild) --some dress up etc...he is just into straight s*x with very little words or change...:(...he gets super sensitive about it and I am getting more and more impatient and depressed about it.

He's old enough and has been married and divorced--so we are not talking about a kid here. Since his ex cheated on him I do not want to give him the idea that I will stray unless he complies....but at the same time I don't want to live out my life with everything supressed.

I have never had this problem before and it's starting to worry me....any thoughts/?

Answer 1

Tell him you want to make Saturday Nights "SPICEY NIGHT" and that you will handle this Saturday, but next Saturday he has to come up with ideas.

Answer 2

I say start wearing short skirts and bending over more often... that should change his mind. Why not you take the lead this time? Im sure he'll understand ....he might even later get use to it and start to show more enjoyment.  

Answer 3

I've had the same problem before--the big problem is how he gets when you talk to him about it--so communication isn't going to help you here... What would he do if you showed up all dressed up, etc..?? you be the agressive one--he will probably like that--he's probably into the straight because he never had anything else with his ex--SHOW HIM WHAT IT'S LIKE! ~

Answer 4

My concern is that you're already unhappy... unhappy enough to seek help here on Yahoo.  

Thankfully, you're not married yet, because this sort of unhappiness does tend to lead to cheating.  And I don't just mean that YOU might cheat... he obviously isn't into the same degree of sexuality that you are, and maybe the day will come that he'll want someone more... tame.  

Communication is the only thing that will really help you here.  You say he's uncomfortable talking about it now... this will not likely get better once you're married, or when you have 30 years invested in the marriage.  You need to force the issue, because if you don't do it sooner, it will be a big mess later.

Answer 5

try, a different way of tempting him in to it, do something really crazy and unexpected  

Answer 6

well if your unhappy now and your not even married, i would be worried to. thats weird for a man not to want to have s*x! I would deff. talk to him about it and if things dont change, i would leave.

Answer 7

Most guys tend to be like that. However you can gradually start doing some of that stuff and he will start to realize that it is alot of fun. If this doesn't work, tell him how you feel. It is important to men that they satisfy their wife sexually and if he knows how you feel he will do anything he can to satisfy you.  

Answer 8

Hmmm . . . unfortunately, he'll probably never change.  You could try to encourage him to go to a counselor who could try and figure out why he's not turned on by things other than straight s*x.  Something may've happened to him, strict parents, whatever.

I'm sure you tried the p**n thing.  Many times someone who sees something that turn them on in p**n would like to try it at home.

My only advice is counseling.  s*x is a huge part of any relationship, especially if one of the two is unhappy it's just going to carry over to other parts of the relationship.  Ugh, you are in a bad spot.

Good luck to you.

p.s., i'm 41 by the way.

Answer 9

You just need to take the initiative and start being more creative while you are in the moment. Dress up and plan a role play. Surprise him with some s**y talk when you make love. He should be willing to satisfy you just as I'm sure you do to him. Marriage is a 50/50 thing so tell him to get to it. There is probably a reason in his head for him not being comfortable about talking about it. That is what you need to find out. Assure him its not enough to break the engagement but he needs to communicate openly to you or your marriage will be doomed. It's not a good sign.

Answer 10

O.K. I am a married man (42), three kids, oldest 15 and I still love having s*x with my wife. I desire her 2-3 times a week and she delivers the goods..:) I think you both need to talk to someone about it before you get married. Do you have a pastor that offers pre-marital counseling? If not, get a few books and read them together. Marriage intimacy books. He just sounds inexperienced really. Teach him. Seriously, you be the teacher and teach him what you need and desire with him. Talk to him the way you want to be talked to. He will catch on, believe me. You sound like a good lady, take your time with him and believe in him.  

Answer 11

Buy a spiked dog collar and leash, insist he walk on all fours and pee when you tell him.  After this trick he should be up for easier stuff. Like role playing games.   Honestly start by making him wear the collar during s*x and practice saying ruff!  Next night--collar again and leash and a quick walk, ruff ruff pant pant. The next night walk him out on your deck or yard. Take naughty pics for your album.  good luck. Make a calendar of days and his lessons for the eve. Make it clear he has a lot to learn. When he can immitate a propeller its graduation night.

Answer 12

rent some p**n, watch it together

Answer 13

you should not stay in a relationship with the expectation that you will be able to change a person. if you have already broached the subject and he is not receptive, then he likes what he is getting and is not going to change. any changes you bring about may not be better than what you have and could be worse. (loss of respect, etc.) you should find some way to satisfy your appetite (this could mean moving on to some else) or settle for what you are getting. you have to decide how important this is. my guess is that if you are already having trouble dealing with it, it will only get worse after you are married. once he can have it any time, after a certain age, a lot of guys wan on the frequency and enthusiasm of their performance. you have a big decision to make. good luck.

Answer 14

you have got to communicate with him if you're planning on spending the rest of your life with him.  this is something big, not like what color your kitchen will be.  have a sit down and tell him just like you've told us.  keep in mind his sensitivity about things and say you love him and you would like ( fill in the blank) , and that you would be willing to hear what you could do to fulfill his fantasy.  its so very important that you two can talk about this and everything else in your relationship , because without communication no relationship will be as good as it could be.  how will you two ever go anywhere with out such a powerful tool as communication and sincere listening!!!!!!

Answer 15

I am sorry to say that your relationship will not work. He is different from you and as time goes he will be more distant from you. He is not your type and I suggest that you go for break up the sooner the better.

Answer 16

Well, I'm not yet 30 but I thought I'd put in my two cents. Go to Victoria's Secret or Fredericks of Hollywood and get something you normally wouldn't wear. It doesn't have to be outrageous, just not the norm. Have it on and be ready when he gets home from work. He'll walk in to the room and there you'll be. Works like a charm every time for me. Good Luck

Answer 17

Likely just a confidence thing. Try doing just a little at a time. Make sure you dont put any expectations on him. Dont word it like you are telling him what to do. That will make it worse.  Most importantly, tell him that these are things you have always wanted to do, if you arent careful he is going to take all of these ideas as suggestions for improvement, thats why he is probably so sensitive, he thinks you are dropping suttle hints about how to be better at s*x.  

Answer 18

Get out the d***o.

MY wife - -she can't wrestle but you should see her box!  

Answer 19

Communication comes in two main forms, verbal and body language, both of which are important here!  The sad part is, if you are not happy in your s*x life, it will affect other areas of the relationship also.  

Maybe he had tried new things in the past and was ridiculed for doing so, so he won't try it again.  Maybe he is just a lil bit shy and needs for you to be the aggressor...maybe he just does not know how to show you that he likes the "new" things you try....  just remember to take it slow...

But also remember, you like what you like, and need what you need... you should not have to totally change your likes to suit his or anyone else's needs...  maybe there is a compromise in there somewhere....  



I also have to say that I am in a relationship where I was feeling "shy" when it came to new things, not that I didn't want to do them... because I did, but just because I was afraid of rejection or being ridiculed.  I have learned to get over some of this shyness, which has taken months, and have learned to compromise between what he wants and what I want, it leads to a wonderful s*x life

Answer 20

Start out slowly...maybe just whisper something in his ear, similar to something you'd like him to say.  If that doesn't work, try getting a little rough with him...if you get no reaction, simply say "Didn't that turn you on?  I love stuff like that."  

Answer 21

Just be honest with him talk to him, you would be amazed how men love to please woman. Sometimes all we have to do is communicate to them how we want to be pleased . Find out what his boundaries are and go from their. It's all in communication!!!!!

Answer 22

I'm picking that there are trust issues here, he is being reserved and maintaining some emotional distance, which is understandable. Don't push it for now, if you work on the other aspects of your relationship with the goal of creating something secure, I believe this will fix itself...

Answer 23

Hi. I'm not over 30, but I'm in a similar boat as you. Our s*x life was the best when we were still living with our parents and had to sneak around. It was exciting! Now, we can do it anytime we want, we don't have to worry about time, and we don't have to worry about anyone walking in on us. He also seems to prefer "traditional" things, and doesn't want to do anything crazy.

It sounds like he's self-conscious about something. Maybe he feels that you're putting too much pressure on him, and it's keeping him from being able to perform.

Maybe start small...have "regular" s*x, but in a different room. Do it with the lights on. Do it in the shower. Come home dressed up! Maybe he'll like it.

Answer 24

Hey, he just doesn't get it.  You need to take the bull by the horns and show him what you mean.  You talk the way you want him to and show him what makes you happy; dress up in something kinky and tell him how much it turns you on.  Someone never taught him the fine art of creativity in the bedroom; why not take on the job of teaching and see how good a student he can be?  Buy him some s**y new underwear and surprise him with some scented massage oil; there are so many new and creative ways to get your message across.  No need to stray or feel cheated.  Go for it, girl!  

Answer 25

Ask him and talk to him about it.  You did all you could trying to convince him into changes and different things.  Maybe he has a problem with intimacy because of his past...you need to tlak to him, not about changing things, but why he acts so different in the bedroon and why he doesn't like to change it so the two of you can be better off.

Hope This Helped.  :)

Answer 26

Marriage is so much about compromise! He needs to respect what you want as the same for you. Everyone is not going to be the same in bed... My advise would be just to talk to him. Ask him if he could try something new once and if he didn't like it then you didn't have to do it again...

ALSO:: Try this:: One day have a s**y outfit on when he gets home and surprise him with a room full of candles and such... what man is going to to turn that down???

Answer 27

Alcohol is a miracle drug.

Answer 28

You are not sexually compatible.   s*x is a form of communications.

You can not talk to him about it, and you are not willing to give up on it.

You have reached an impasse, unless you can get it corrected, your building a new life on a foundation of mud.

Answer 29

Think that you should seriously consider delaying any marital plans..if you think you are disappointed now...there is more to come.  Unless you communicate this...he will continue to be clueless...why don't you email him your yahoo questions and answers so he starts to figure sheet out. Take Care

Answer 30

Be honest and lay it down for him.

Tell him what you need to be happy and see how he responds.

s*x is a huge issue and if you know now that you will always be incompatible and that bothers you, you really should address it up front.

Answer 31

hummmm.... I enjoy the BDSM style of Master/slave (just for FUN & s*x)...ya know with restraints, toys... Confidence & spanking's. ummm you know Wild Hot Erotic Crazy x*x s*x, s*x, s*x! some women have actually passed out from multiable orgasam's.

  gee, I wish I could help, but if your super guy isnt a SuperMan... I don't know what to say!  

all ya all youngstars can say whay you want but the ASKER Knows Exactly what I'm talking about!  

  candles & p**n..."buy a book, Ask your pastor" L O L give Me a break! at 30+ she wants Dominance, Confidence & Urgent Strength and if he does not have it in him... he never will.