Help with my stepdaughter...Repost

Question

My stepdaughter is being especially "bratty" lately...

My husband has a 9 year old daughter and I have a 6 year old daughter, and together we have a 3 month old son... The 9 year old lives with her mother, but stays with us during the summer/spring/christmas breaks and every other weekend (sometimes more). I love her to death, I truly do, but lately, she has been extremely "bratty" towards me and my daughter. And there are some other issues as well... she wants to live with us full time and her father and I are all for it, but her mother won't allow (which I understand - there's no way my daughter would leave my house), but also, her home life isn't all that wonderful. Her mother isn't a bad parent, but there are things that she does that aren't great. I'm not getting into that now, but there are issues. Anyway- lately, she has been very aggressive towards me and my daughter, pushing her and just being ugly, and not normal kid ugliness either. Very hurtful. She even stole her money a few days ago, and when I cornered her on it, it "miraculously" appeared in plain sight on the dresser... I never accused her of taking it, as I didn't physically see her do it, but still... Part of me wonders if she is acting out because she wants to stay with us and can't, or if it has to do with the fact that I just had a new baby and her father and I are together still, while her mother and he divorced soon after she was born... I really don't know. But it has become so bad, that part of me wants to tell her she is no longer welcome in my home if she is going to continue with her current behavior. There is not enough space to go into detail all the things that she does, but they are spiteful, sneaky things that a 9 year old child shouldn't be doing. And she is doing it on purpose, for the purpose of inflicting pain or insult. I don't know what to do ... She used to be just fine, but lately... Lord have mercy. I'm at my wits end. Her father and I have tried talking to her, he's even had to get physical with her (popped her for lying and stealing) and nothing seems to faze her. When I correct her (and trust me I correct my daughter as well, sometimes even more so because she is mine and I am more comfortable getting on her behind...) she looks at me like I am the dragon lady and the stupidest person she has ever met... I truly do not know how to handle this. Any CONSTRUCTIVE advice would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

A bare bottom hairbrush spanking is in order. In love not anger. No 'popping'.

Answer 2

it seems she is vying for your attention even if it's negative.. is she the only child at her mother's house? maybee you can tell her if she can behave then you will do something special with just her it doesn't have to be elaborate, just time only for her and you. and when she is not in the home, have a private time with your daughter.

Answer 3

i also think it's a combination of things.  even children in the home with their own two parents are often jealous of the attention a baby gets.  her situation in her mother's house that she wants to be away from also makes things worse.  maybe there are more things going on than you guys know about.  i think her dad should have a talk with her and have some questions/things to say in mind such as what's wrong, how are you feeling, i know you are feeling bad because you are doing things you never did before that you know aren't ok to do and why do you want to treat (you and your daughter) bad (especially if you and your daughter have been kind to her).  also have him try to get more info. about what's going on that makes her want to move.  maybe her mom is a real mess and she's causing the kid to have problems.  try to think even though she's being so bad, it's kind of not her fault.  you guys have to be the ones to find out what's wrong and do whatever you can for her.  it doesn't sound like she gets the attention/love from her mother that maybe she feels she could get in your home???  Also sometimes kids honestly think they can make you go away by doing things like this, maybe she feels really jealous and threatened by her dad's new family.  i did only difference is if i would have even thought about acting bad my dad would have taken care of that real fast, he didn't tolerate any disrepectful or bad things.

Answer 4

please dont tell her she cant come back because that is just wrong....what if your baby daddys wife or girlfriend

told your 6 year old she wasnt allowed at their house..??

the nine year old will be scared for life because she will feel neglected especially if shes not getting the attention she needs from her real mother....

trust me i know how it feels to have your dad wife tell you cant come to their house anymore and the only way you can see your dad is if he drives to his mother house and come see me and my sister...its not a great feeling..

Answer 5

I believe its all of that and probably more. She may feel like you guys don't want her to live with you and she is jealous that your daughter gets to. Also the new baby is sure to be hard on her. She is very young to have all this on her shoulders and there is no telling what is happening at her moms. Her mom may be angry she wants to live with you and taking it out on her. I think the best thing is taking her to a counselor so she has someone to talk to and they can help the situation. That is what my dad did and what I'm doing for my stepdaughter. My  2 stepkids are 10 and 13. We have no children together at the present time but I was also a stepkid and know my greatest fear was my daddy having another baby. I was his baby and I was 10. Hope this helps.

Answer 6

Hi, she sounds truly horrid! Just a quick obsevation! You name on here is 2nd time mum!!! Perhaps she feels that you only have 2 kids too! Good luck!

Answer 7

I see that as a real cry for help. How else can she cry out for help? 9 year olds aren't adults. Have you tried talking to her mom and telling her what is going on? Maybe something can be done to try to help her deal with her feelings. She's not happy at all. This is not healthy.  

Answer 8

I think that it's probably a combination of things. I think her wanting to live with you guys probably has something to do with the new baby. In her mind, she's afraid of being supplanted by the other children. I actually suggest that she and her dad institute a weekly daddy/daughter night. Just the two of them. She would get more attention from her father and it would also give him a chance to address the problems.

Banning her from your house would be the worst thing you could do. Remember, this is the house where her father lives. In a sense, that makes it her house, too. Would you consider banning your own child from your house for bad behavior? How would you feel if your daughter's stepmother tried that? Well, there you go.