Help with riddle/poem!!?

Question

My class is doing these poems that are riddles. I wrote mine and I want to know if mine is good or not. If not then tell me how to revise it. I don't care if it's obvious. It has to have 9 lines.

thanx

I clean out your trash

and dispose of it.

I smell really bad

and move quite slow.

I carry things from big to small.

If I roll by

you'll surly die.

If you drive me

your job sucks!

The answer is: A Garbage Truck

Answer 1

What has 4 legs in the morning

Two legs in the afternoon

and Three legs at night??

A human.

The metaphor is baby...adult...and old person using a cane!!

Answer 2

If  you want a poem you might want to make it rhyme and have a flow. But eh.

~Follower of the Way.

Answer 3

Whats long. Hard. And full of seman

A Submarine

Answer 4

Well, I admit I find the last two lines pretty humorous but I'm not sure if your teacher will feel the same way. It seems a little bland though, perhaps you could add some more details on it. And as for spelling, surly is spelled 'surely.'  

Answer 5

lol ok  

Answer 6

no revision needed

Answer 7

haha great!!!

Answer 8

good stuff instead of clean out your trash you could say carry your trash

Answer 9

do your own hw

Answer 10

um.. aren't poems supposed to rhyme??? but i guesse its ok and how old are you to even be writing that no offence!?

Answer 11

I'd set it up as more of a mystery.  By using specific words you are giving it away and you want to create some sort of suspense...it's a riddle.

This is how I would have written it to make everyone say "aha" once you reveal it.

I smell really bad

and move quite slow.

I eat what you detest

and take it with me.

When I'm working

everybody stares.

I am always white

but never very clean.

Answer 12

The word "sucks" is probably not appropriate for school. How about, your job "stinks" ?

Answer 13

thats very good better then mine

Answer 14

i liked it.

but how about change sucks to stinks? haha just a option.

Answer 15

Try putting some action into it. A sequence of events.

like...

It's tuesday morning

hear me roar

I roll on by

Run out your door

Sprint down your driveway

Try to make it in time

I'm almost near your house

Hear the 7 o' clock chime

I carry your spoils

Your old junk, and your used

Got any recycling?

I love when things are reused

Some ask why i do this

They say, "Your job must suck!"

But I love what I do:

The job of a garbage truck

this is copyrighted. Make your own grade. umm... so yeah. Hope I helped some. Just an idea. I also have the answer to the riddle in the poem. but it was the only thing i could think that rhymed with suck :)

Answer 16

its really good!

Answer 17

It might be a little better if you rymed more things at the start.  

Answer 18

Nice thinking. I can't make one like yours.Keep it up. (:

Answer 19

i clean out my trash

its such a bore

why would anyone want to do that chore

as i walk by i coudnt even smile

becuase it smelled so vile

Answer 20

I like it, very well done:)

Answer 21

i didn't figure it out until the sixth line so... :)

Answer 22

nice

Answer 23

Vote McCain!

http://www.johnmccain.com

Answer 24

funny

i like it

<best answer!!!!!>

Answer 25

Very good.. instead of using sucks.. use STINKS.. because it can smell too!.. hope i helped

Answer 26

Haha, it's cute.

Answer 27

I knew what it was on the fourth line....

Answer 28

end it by sayin "im a garbage woman"

Answer 29

I was thinking a hearse

Answer 30

it IS pretty obvious. I don't think you should use the word sucks--doesn't sound very professional ;-)

Answer 31

im in 8th grade (again*) anyway, maybe change sucks to stinks?