Help with step kids dont know what to do

Question

I am a step parent and I am having troubles with the kids-- I usually make all the rules as well as inforce them -----I seem to always be the bad person or the bad parent--I feel like they dislike me and they tell there mom a bunch of stuff about me that is not very nice- what should I do- is it to late- i have been here for 5 years-- please any advice will help

Answer 1

Just lay down the rules. Say that it is your house and even though you aren't their real mother, you take care of them while they are there. They should respect you and if they can't respect you they will lose privileges. As for them telling their mother, don't worry. Most kids with step-parents do that. Best of luck.

Answer 2

First of all its not your responsibility to make and enforce the rules. Make your husband their father step up to the plate and act like a parent. Second dont worry about what the kids run to their mother and say about you.  If she has any character or common sense she will know it is natural for the kids to talk negative about you. The kids only do this to show they are still loyal to their mother and love her.  If they dont complain about you they may fear their mother might think the kids dont love her anymore.  So relax and be the bad guy let their parents do that...after all there the one who enjoyed the act of creating the kids should they deal with the consequences?

Answer 3

sounds like they need told by their mom and dad that they need to respect you.  

Answer 4

Stop being the rule maker and enforcer, tell your spouse it's time to step up to the plate and be the parent.  Until your spouse does, go on strike.

Answer 5

The step parent is usually cast in the stereo-type role of "The Meany".  The way to break out of the stereo-typical role would be to provide a unified front.  Both parents must make it very clear that each other have the authority to make rules that are enforced by both,   It's time for a family meeting.  Be fair, and let he kids express their problems and concerns.  

Rules are:

no raising your voice

no interrupting (that goes for the parents interrupting the kids too)

no pointing fingers (you said--you are--you make); only >I< statemnents ar allowed, such as I have a problem with  the way this is done, i don't understand why I, etc.

the words 'always' an 'never' ae not allowed--no one ever 'always' or nevers' anything

punishments must be outlined, and he same punishment for hte same crime always.

all rules must be discussed, and agreed upon IN WRITING, and every family menber gets a copy of the rules.  rules are subject to discussion if the rule is no longer valid or the reason for the rule no loner exists

everyone shares in the chores.  creat a chart of chores, and make a velcro or magnetic name or symbol for everyone.  chores should be rotated, and chores should be done in pairs r teams, everyone sharing a chore with someone else (that includes parents, who set hte example)  just because a aprent works outside the home or not is immaterial; kids have school and that's THEIR job.  

This is just a guide for you.  in California DSS (department of social services, aka DSR, dept or human resources has the STEP program, (systematic training for effective parenting), which may also help you.  but do it soon.  5 years and you are still treated as an outsider?? time for the excrement to contact the oscillating air blades.

good luch.

Answer 6

An answer to your important question.

Girls and Boys Town "National Hotline"

Phone: [phone]  (toll free)

Email: [e-mail]

Answer 7

As a step-mom you have to watch what lines you cross.  They aren't your kids so you have to remember that when you are doing things.  Their parents should make the rules and stick to them not you.  I have been a step-mom and I have my own kids so I have been on both sides of the fence.  It is difficult to learn to balance thing out but #1 thing is remember they aren't your kids.  I know I would be pissed if my boys came home telling me their step-mom did certain things too as I feel it is a parents place not a step-parents.  The only time i see a step-parent being the actual parent is when bio mom/dad isn't in the picture or something like that.  

Answer 8

I'm in the same situation. The only thing is that my spouse supports my rules and enforces them and I do the same for him with my kids. If their father isn't supporting your rules then you need to talk with him. Maybe have a one on one meeting with him, and then the two of you have a family meeting with the kids and both of you go over the rules and what you expect. If babymama has issues with your rules those kids can't follow then their daddy needs to deal with her, and show you some support.  

Answer 9

you need to let them know who is boss... you are being more a friend than a parent. you can be your kids friend and parent but let them know, make it clear where to draw the line. teach them respect for their elders, if their real mom wont then who will. they will get out of control and too much for you to handle...

Answer 10

that whole step-parent thing has always been a sticky situation.

talk to their dad and tell them he needs to enforce rules as well, that u 2 are a team and sometimes he needs to be the bad cop.

and have a day with just them. do some fun stuff. spoil 'em for a day do some serious bonding. that could help with the respect and them knowing ur a good person.

Answer 11

oh wow im in the same position! there not much u can do at all! ask your partner first where you stand with his children and ask them where you stand!

the worst thing i hate is "your not my mothere" that hurts! but just communicate with them to see what leg they are standing on!

Goodluck