Help with teenage daughter!!!?

Question

Daughter is 14 & does not know her biological dad but she is free to talk about it,

I was in an 8yr relationship it was not good & now we have no contact, she is glad about that!

Ive since married a lovely guy who she likes, my mother died, they were very close, ive a baby who is 1 1/2 whom she adores & another due this year,

Her Temper is hideous, she says awful things, especially to me seems to have no understanding of cause and effect, if you behave in a certain way you get grounded for a day, when the punnishment is issued she will rant and rave shout etc even the next day about how awful everyone is to her, how unfair it is, how I dont want her, she wails & cries like a toddler, is rude obnoxious & often refuses to stay grounded, like today I grabbed her arm & accidentally scratched it, so she was off! we went to the doctor who echoed the things we say to her & refered her for counseling we are waiting, she goes to school though does not do well & has a part time job,

HELP

Answer 1

It seems to me like your daughter has had allot of changes going on in her life. She has lost someone that is close to her and even though she adores her step dad and baby brothers or sisters their is a good chance of resentment. She is a 14 year old girl who is obviously dealing with allot of changes as do all 14 year old girls and stress from everything else around her. Also the idea of her having a part time job adds more stress to her enviorment and even though it is a good idea to grasp work ethic if she isn't doing well in school a job should be out of the question. also it could be coming from the people at work if she is working with people older than her but still in their teens an attitude will become worse.

The good thing to know is that you are not alone working at with children as young as 8.

Answer 2

Well sounds like many changes going on all at once along with personal changes to herself as well, so much for such a young girl to handle. I agree w/ the Dr. counciling might help. Try spending 1 on 1 time w/ her w/ out the babies, do something great and try to get her to talk and open up to you while your doing this, don't start to pry just ease into normal convo. and let it go from there, may take a few of these outings to get this to work. Consistancy is a biggie, I know when I was 14 and my mom grounded me I refused to stay grounded as well and did exactly what I wanted, and I can only hope my kids don't do this to me........I have no advice how to keep her in her room that child protective service won't be knocking on your door for, lol. I think you should ask the counciler or her ped. Dr.?????

Answer 3

I think she is just going through a phase just leave her alone I  was like that at her age.

Answer 4

What?  She refuses to stay grounded?  Who's the parent here?    YOU are the PARENT and it's up to YOU to get her in line!  YOU don't allow her to rant and rave or not stay grounded!  She is only 14 and has no business with a part time job!  Her job right now is to study and do well in school!  All 14 yr old girls try acting like a brats, but you need to do YOUR job and make her show you and other adults respect!!!  Parenting a teanager is very HARD and you can't just lay back and not do anything!  Make her quit that job and stay home and do work around the house and study!  If she needs money, she can get an allowance that YOU control!She needs to be grounded and be tested for drugs, yes Mom drugs!  Not doing well in school is one sign she is hanging with the wrong crowd and may be into drugs already!  Another reason for her to NOT have a job! You also need to find out if she is sexually active!  Girls at 11 and 12 are becoming sexually active now days!   Do your job and lay the law down and MAKE HER MIND YOU and find out what's going on in her life!  Search her room!  Kids have to earn privacy and your daughter doesn't deserve any!  YOU NEED to know what is going on with her!

Answer 5

the more you try to get close to her, the more she will push you away. teens need their space now and it is important that you let her do the things she wants to do as long as they dont put her in danger. she needs to experience things for herself and she needs to find where she is comng from.

Answer 6

Hi there. She sounds like me. I have to live with a stepfather and I hate it, I can't stand next to him. I call him names and be mean. But I can't help it. I know how your daughter feels. I wish my mom had never married my stepdad. He has ettiquette issues. I am 15 years old. But I guess children can't decide whether their parents whould get married again or not. But I wish so much that my mom didn't marry him. But sometimes I feel sad for him. But I mostly hate him. He totally ruined my life. He acts like a child and won't stop, my mom is always on his side. If I say something about him she gets all angry. She loves him more than my sisters and brothers. But they can't see that. They are younger than me. =(

Answer 7

I think therapy would help. It would sit her down, get her talking about her problems, and she would start to calm. There are also types of therapists that are made for temper and misbehaviored children. Once she starts to get a little older, and her maturaty kicks in, then it will probably get better. You also will need to enforce some better rules. Like, grounded for more than a day. Also, since she isn't doing well in school, I would suggest a tutor. If that doesn't work, you may need to enroll her in a different school or something.

Also, she should probably quit the job and focus on school.

Good luck, and I hope I helped if just a little. :]

Answer 8

shes hit pubertiy, simple as that, im 14 & im just like that

Answer 9

It seems like she's angry, which could be caused by some other issues. Maybe she's stressed out from school work or she's not doing so well in a sport she participates in, or she's just feeling awfully insecure about things.

That, of course, does not justify her actions, at all.

The best thing to do is to ignore her fits, and she'll calm herself down. She is yearning for attention when she cries like that and when she doesn't get it, she'll most likely stop.

You, being her mother, have every right to ground her for unacceptable behavior, and she, being the child, has no right to "refuse" her punishment.

YOU are the mother, and it seems like she has control over you.

I also believe that it would be helpful to build a friendship with her, when she's not throwing a fit, and talk to her about her life and everything that's going on. If she realizes she can trust you, she may open up a little bit more and become a little more reluctant to treat you so badly when it comes down to punishing her for her wrong-doings.

I am a 15 year old girl, and was very similar to your daughter not even a year ago. But recently my mom has opened up a door for communication and I tell her everything. I respect her fully, and there really isn't ever any need to even punish me, because of the complete respect I hold for her.

When I get angry with my mother, I feel that I can talk it out with her, instead of being rude and nasty, and that usually solves our problems instead of holding an unresolvable argument about them.

Answer 10

I am a lot like your daughter. My mom and dad have been divorced since I was 8 months old and my mother just got remarried about three years ago and now I have a little brother who is about 16 months.

The reason I act out towards my parents is because sometimes I feel like my mother has started a whole new life, while I'm kind of just the mistake in the background. I feel like I'm in the way of something she's started. Yeah I get along with my step-dad too, but I do get envious about how much time they spend together because I remember days when it was just me and my mom and she always gave me all of her attention.

Try to take her out. Let her know you have time for her too. Go out for dinner or to a movie with just the two of you. Or get a babysitter and you and your husband go out with her. By her a book or a movie she's been wanting to get for a while. Rent a few new releases for you guys to watch when the baby goes to bed. Put away little sections of time to spend with her, and she might improve. It always makes a big difference for me when I see that my mother and step dad are going out of their way to do things with me.

If that doesn't work, have her see a therapist. She might feel like she can' vent her feelings to you anymore. She might actually want somebody to talk to even if she doesn't act like it.

Answer 11

I have a mother who yells at me, or will grab me and stuff, and it just makes me more mad. If my mom was a lot more mild and nicer and calmer about things, i prolly wouldn't get so mad at her. So that's what i think would work, if you became mild, and maybe sat down w/ ur daughter and asked her why she acts so mean and angry all the time, it might make her feel better and maybe get sumthing out she's holding in. And instead of grounding her, maybe take away privleges, or sum other way of discipline. Just remember if you stay mild tempered and nice, and careing, she will learn from you and maybe change her attitude. And talk with her about her problems!