Help with the ego and patience?

Question

My ego is sometimes uncontrollable and when I realize it comes, I get angry at myself. I try to remember my beliefs, but my ego still appears. I do things for others and remember other people that others don't usually remember. The problem is that I lack patience and I get competitive when it comes to intellectual things. How can I increase patience and downsize my competitive/"know-it-all" ego? I always try, but I always forget too.

Answer 1

try doing meditation,dnt over react for smaller reasons.Try breathing exercises do some work outs keep ur self calm and steady.gud luck.

Answer 2

At the same time? or separately?

Answer 3

The answer from here seems like it should be: Be patient with yourself first. Your ego straining competitively at intellectual things, may have a purpose for you internally. You learn from it. I bet you wouldn't be doing it if there were no benefit at all. Sometimes your ego drives you on to foolishness, but instead of getting angry you would see that it is alright, and that getting worked up was not necessary; and you learned something. Enough times, with attention and intention, you'll start recognizing the escalation sooner and sooner, and be more and more able to put on the brakes, and even to glance ahead and decide what's an illusion before starting.

Answer 4

I believe that "Fallen Angel" gets to the essence of your questions ... that is, there are no easy, one-size-fits-all answers and by continuing to ask yourself some self-identifying questions you're more likely to move forward and provide your own solutions to your questions.  

Indeed, a woman of your intellect and introspection seems quite able -and willing- to chart that course and, as such, maybe the best that can be taken from the replies on this post will be suggestions that allow you to frame yourself from a different perspective in order to allow you to attend to possible shifts that ca only be gotten from a different perspective.

Our "ego" is but one of three components (id, and superego being the other two) of the structural model of our personality and, depending on the psychological theorist you lean towards, we begin live with our "id" intact, that is, it comes with the human hard-wiring.

As we develop from infant into a child, we begin to probe and interact with our environment in wonderfully diverse ways ... along the way our "ego" begins its development.  Because this shift from the "id" (pleasure principle) to the "ego" (reality principle) is actually a shift from "self" to "self as part of others" then the environment and rewards and reinforcements about our needs is critically important to attend to.  

Maybe, if possible (your memory -or the memory of others, e.g., parents, siblings), you can reflect on this period of your life to better understand how -and why- your ego responds the way it does today.

Generally (according to Freud and others) between ages 5-6, the Superego is rearing for attention and it begins to develop what is considered the "moral" sector of our personality.  Of course, this "moral" category and the ethical considerations that come along with it, are integrated into our environment which, at 5-6 years of age, is typically our family (or caregivers).  

As such, the influence of family principally establishes our sense of right and wrong.

In trying to provide balance to these three competing forces, our "ego" is called on to satisfy the needs of our "id" while not pissing off our "superego" and still maintaining the "reality" of each situation (ego) ... tough work, to say the least.

Which leads us to the possibility that it's not your "ego" at all that is uncontrollable, but actually your "id" and it's your ego that is struggling for ways to put your "id" back into balance.  

As such (if you believe my proposition), then what is needed is for you (ego) to begin controlling the "pleasure principle" (id) part of yourself.  For starters, that would mean reflecting on why "[you] do things for others and remember other people that others don't usually remember."  It's quite possible that this "altruism" is not what it seems and, deep inside, is actually a means for you to control situations and feel good about yourself (while it seems like your attention is solely focused on helping others).

At the same time, your lack of patience seems (in my view) to be yet another part of your "id" being out of balance.  Recall that our "id" is developed when we are growing from infant into early childhood and the basis for the id is pretty much "self gratification."  

As such, this "lack of patience" on your part as an adult can be viewed as your infantile "id" demanding that you pay attention to the id's needs only (self-gratifying; pleasure principle) while ignoring the commands of your "ego" which is trying to keep you under control, govern with patience, and reduce your rush to judgment (e.g., "know it all).

Of course, none of this supplies you an answer to your conditions -and it shouldn't.  My perspective -as well as everyone else's- should provide alternative points-of-view for you to consider as you continue to reflect and work on some of your personality attributes you're not comfortable with ... don't look at it as work ... have fun!

Answer 5

Sounds like you have some growth going on to recognize the ego thing.  I don't have any real big answer for you.  I think you are keeping yourself in check pretty good and just keep it up.  Being a little competitive is fine, it keeps you on your toes.

Answer 6

Wondering if you feel deep down that you are not really good enough thus have to keep proving yourself? Wanting to be seen as "better" than other people because you feel lacking?

Usually people with a big ego are hiding a lot of insecurity.

Are you impatient with yourself as well? Do you feel good enough at your core?

Is it more important for you to be seen as being right, intelligent and tops? Than it is for you to be liked? Do you want to be right what ever the  cost?

Just a few things you can think about! Sorry, no great solution to your question... just more questions!  

Answer 7

Ego and patients in general are not in the same league.

I did things for other people because I wanted to feel better about myself (and to feed my insecurities). Thus I felt better about myself. Until I realized that these people were abusing my kindness.

Now your competitiveness is not a bad thing in fact that is what will make you move forward. BUT, you do have the choice as to be a productive competitor or a destructive competitor.

Answer 8

consider yourself blessed~

that others may not have the capacity for inner realization.

see through compassionate eyes the limitations of others.

mindful awareness of what is  happening outside your mind

allows acceptance of the world as it is.