Help!!Child is failing all core classes in school?

Question

I need some advice. I have a 13yo stepdaughter who is currently failing all of her core classes in school (Math, English, Social Studies, and Science). We have been grounding her every weekend when she is at our house and we even took her cell phone away and nothing seems to be helping. We get no help from her mother and her mother will actually make up lies to try and cover for her. She tells us she is up studying with her every night for tests and my feeling is that if she was doing that much studying she would not have an "F" for her grades. The teachers are getting fed up with her "no care" attitude, as are her Dad and I. Her dad says we should just let her fail the 7th grade and repeat it next year. I on the other hand think it is going to hurt her self esteem and I think we should keep pushing. I try to say encouraging words to her like we know you can do so much better with these grades and I try to give her studying tips. I feel like I am fighting a losing battle here.

Answer 1

You should go out and find an activity or something that she has never done before and then say you know if you dont do this or this then you cant continue having fun...My brother is like this and it stressed out my parents he really doesnt care, but he loves his four wheeler...He has failed. You know it does get to him though. Maybe you should let her fail and she will realize that she was mistake and she will not be with her friends. For kids its hard because if you fail they dont really have anything to do with you. All you can do is keep pushing and trying to find a way. Its going to be harder because of her mom. She needs to help also. With her being able to do what she wants there she knows she will get it one way or another..Good luck with your problem! I hope it gets better

Answer 2

You need to speak with her teachers.  Find out what the problem is.  Maybe she has a learning disability that has gone undiagnosed.  

Ultimately she is the one that will have to make up her mind about school.  Perhaps even attending a different school or home schooling might make a difference.

Answer 3

As a 9th grade English teacher, I see this pattern all the time in my own students, and get e-mails and calls from parents like you, as well.  At this point, you and her dad should sit down with her and, in a respectful manner, let her know realistically what is going to happen if she continues down this path.  Talk to her about her future, how it's not so very far away. Tell her how all her friends will be going on to 8th grade and then high school and she will not.  Stress her strengths, and show her how she can make up for her weaknesses. If this doesn't work, you may need to stage an intervention meeting with her teachers, you and her dad, and a guidance counselor. Good luck!

Answer 4

13 is a hard age, how long have u been her stepparent. sounds like she needs consuling for what is really going on in her life. everything my seem fine to u but there is something she is feeling that is making her give up. dont attack her and please dont take it personal. good luck u sound like a good person if u werent u wouldnt be asking for help..

Answer 5

Well obviously grounging is not working for you she still is not passing, try getting her interested in the work, I know its hard but it works.  There is a reason she does not care, and it has nothing to so with any disability, often a parent will make excuses for a failing child because they do not want their own failure as a parent to be exposed.  Good for you for trying to help and being concerned, blessings

Answer 6

Set up an appointment with a psychologist as well as someone who can test her for advanced classes. 1) She could be feeling depressed and dropped everything that she cares about and school. Take a good look at her and see if she has done a complete 180 over the past few months. 2) She could be really bored with her schoolwork, so she just drops it completely. It is actually common among children who feel the work is boring.

If those don't help the problem, make her see a tutor every weekend. Grounding won't help because it will not force her to do work.

Answer 7

maybe you and the dad should just check on her. and tell her that you love her and you don't want her to not move on to the next grade "WITHOUT" her friends. maybe she is hiding something and she is scared or something. Hope this helps and good luck with whatever you do!! and hope it works!!

Answer 8

my brother is the exact same way. we get no help from our mother. i agree with the let her fail 7th grade its a real eye opener for her by letting her see all her friends taht are graduating ahead of her because they actually worked and she didnt.

Answer 9

Is the child depressed? Depression can cause a shut down of all areas of interest. It becomes too difficult to function. Ask her Dr. to check her out including her vision and hearing. She should be checked for dyslexia also. Has she been doing well in the past? If not, she may be slow and in need of special classes.

Answer 10

Contact the school. set up an appointment to visit with all the teachers (hopefully 1 appointment) find out if your stepdaughter has behavioral problems in class or what does the teacher think might be the problem. Also you'll need to find out if its already to late for her to really be trying. She may not pass even if her grades improve. But help her the best you can.

also does she wear glasses? does she need her eyes checked? is she comprehending or maybe she needs developmental classes? good luck.

Answer 11

my brother use to be just like that. My mom pulled him out of school and homeschooled him! Sounds like a lot of trouble but isnt your kid worth it? Plus now kids can homeschool online and the parents dont have to grade or do anything and you can make sure that she gets the work done! There are also teachers  that are available to email and Instant message which is um "cool" for kids to do.

I homeschool online here

www.themorningstaracademy.org and its super easy and costs about 2000 dollars which is expensive compared to public schools but very cheap compared to private schools which is where my brother was enrolled.

its also a christian environment with a chat room that only students from that site can enter so she can still have a social life but get her work done.

Answer 12

why don't you help her study or get her a tutur. maybe if you bribe her she will get better grades. although i've never had a B on a report card and this year i finally got a cell phone for getting straight A's my whole life.

Answer 13

get him a tutar

Answer 14

Let her fail the grade. Ask the teacher to schedule a meeting with her mother and you guys along with the child. Tell the child that she has to get X grade on all of her asssignments for the rest of the year or she will fail.

Answer 15

Take her for a visit to a women's prison.   Show her where many "no care" children end up and let them testify to that fact.  Ok, maybe that's drastic, but perhaps you could do something along those lines.  You aren't going to convince this child otherwise unless you redefine where she sees herself in 10 years.

Answer 16

the repeating of seventh grade will probably not be up to you.  the school will make that decision.  however, if that is the end result, so be it.  kids must learn there are consequences to their actions.  and while she was goofing off and not giving a flip, she wasn't thinking of the consequences, but she will when she has to repeat.  and as far as repeating, i would be all for it because, she has not accomplished what was required for the year.  i still think she should receive some encouragement but at this point, she needs more discipline and consequences.  as far as her self esteem, if she suffers an esteem problem, she is the only that can get it back.  basically, the ball is in her court.  if she is determined to be a loser, you or no one else can just MAKE her succeed. so, to repeat your own statement, if she doesn't get with the program, you are fighting a losing battle.  she isn't six years old after all.  but if you see any improvement, she should definitely be recognized for it.  i don't mean have a parade in the middle of town though.  i feel for you and i know i sound harsh but i have two grown sons and i have been down that road.  my compliments to you for caring so much.  you are in a difficult situation as is your husband in that you don't have custody.  and of course, it goes without saying, her mom is doing her absolutely NO favor.  such a shame!  all three of you should be working together for the good of the girl.  whatcha gonna do?  it is rough when the custodial parent is not diligent.  we have experienced that with my grandson.  due to some unusual circumstances, my son did eventually get full custody and now the little guy makes straight a's.  for two complete school years, he has not made even a b on his report card.  i wish you all the luck in the world.  you never know how things are going to turn out, but you and your husband might end up raising her one day.  stranger things have happened.  good luck.

Answer 17

that has happened to some of my friends and me at one point but i managed to get everything bk up because i sorted it out.

it may be because she is being bullied you just need to sit her down and ask her if anything is going on at skwl dont ground her it will only make things worse and she could rebel against you and not listen all

pay attention to what she is like and watch her face behavior and mood when she gets bk from skwl

book an appointment to see one of her teachers, her form teacher (if she has one) her hed of year (if she has one) or the head teacher depending on which one knows what he is like most.

i dont mean to worry you about the bullying but it could happento any one even the nicest people.

how long have you been her step parent all kidsfeel like they are being pushed away when a new person enters the family but it is usually nothin to worry about you just get to know her and spend some time with her.

i dont mean this in offence but what about a school counciler this is just someone she can talk to in private and let her feelings out on.

luff yah x hope this helped.

Answer 18

Get her a tutor. Her school district probably has ones that will do it for free. Classic example of what happens to kids when their parents split up. It's sad. And now her mom, out of guilt (most likely) is making excuses for the kid. She needs to stop that NOW.

My mom is engaged to a man with a 16 YO daughter who started out just like your stepdaughter in 7th grade also. Well, the problem only got worse and she is now in a facility for teens with anger and social problems and at a cost of $11,000 per MONTH. Don't let this happen.

Get her a tutor and counseling now. Best of luck.

Answer 19

tell her if she doesn't pass the grade she will get held back while all of her friends go to the next grade.

Answer 20

You have done your part, you had  talk to her, grounded her, and other things that might not be getting through to her. Have you had a talk with her school counselor and maybe try a tutor?

Her mother is not helping with the situation either because she is just teaching her daughter to give up when things get hard and that because of her "disability" she should get away with it and that people will feel sorry for her.

You and your husband should have a talk with her mother and the school counselor to voice your concern.

  As a parent you want the best for your kids and do everything you can for them but some times you have to let them figure things out for themselves.

If there is nothing that can be done, you just have to let her fail  the 7th grade and repeat it next year. She might be embarrassed but you have to remind her that the only person  she can blame is her self.  Make her responsible for her actions.

We make our kids take responsibility  for their actions regardless of age  and that is teaching them to be responsible individuals.

Answer 21

Give her the cell back, she might be rebelling. And I think you're making it worse. Ask her what she doesn't understand in it and show her how to do some of the stuff that she's learning. And if she does fail, then that will teach her.

Answer 22

Bring her to a GOOD psychologist to see what, if any, learning disorders she has. Maybe there is something wrong that hasn't been diagnosed. If not, let her fail. If she is just refusing to do there work because she is lazy or stubborn she needs to learn the are consequences to her actions.