Helping a 10yr old adjust to a new baby?

Question

I'll be having a baby in january and a big concern is how my 10 year old son will adjust. He is the epitome of an 'only child'. We lost his father when he was 11months old and it's always just been him and I. And i mean totally just him and i! I've never lived with anyone since his father passing away and i've always devoted all of my time to him, he is somewhat spoiled but he's a really good kid. He's polite, he helps around the house, he's incredibly loving, he's never violent. He seems to be taking the news of the baby quite well too (only if it's a boy though lol). He has always been very sensitive to change though, I'll do everything i can to not give him less attention but babies can be very demanding and the concern of jealousy is there. Lately he's been asking me to buy him baby food and a sippy cup! Anyone have any ideas or been in a similar situation?

Answer 1

there are books written for older "expecting" siblings (sorry, don't know the title off the top of my head).  sit down and read some with him, that might help him open up with any concerns he might have.  Also, involve him as much as possible.  Give him fun "chores" now while you're pregnant, and later when the baby is there so that he does not feel left out.  Let him be involved and understand that if he starts to act out, not to get angry with him.  that would only make it worse and make him feel more rejected.  be patient ( i know that can be hard).  talk to him A LOT.

take him shopping and let him pick out some outfits, toys (that he would like to play with with the baby).  

teach him how to hold a bottle, wipe the baby....and answer all his questions, even if he's bugging you.  it just means he is interested, and cares, and wants to be involved.

he wants to be your baby again, too, it sounds like.   try to find some time to take just him (esp when the baby is there) for a short outing.  Make him feel special and assure him that the new baby is not going to take his place, and also won't take you away from him.

Good Luck.

Answer 2

make sure to include him. have him do simple things like "help" change a diaper or hold the baby (while sitting) while you go do something. make if he likes to help you, make sure to let him help!  

Answer 3

as long as you get him to help out when the baby comes,so he does not feel unwanted. all will be fine

all the best with the new baby

Answer 4

My 13 year old was an "only child" for 2 years. Even at that young, He had to adjust to the fact that i had to take care of another one. I let him feed him, help him change the diaper. He quickly adjusted. Just let him help with the baby.

Answer 5

plz  dont  care  first  of  all  and  second  of  all  im nine and  when  i  got my baby  sister  iwas  very good ifact  really  i  did  the  samre  thing  i  wanna be  a abby  again  im  jealus  to  so  idk  and my mom  says  im  not  a  abbay  and  never  baought me  anything

Answer 6

Just follow his lead. I personally would not include him in helping too much. That is more of a trick for younger kids. At his age he will see it as having to do YOUR work, especially with diaper changing. If he wants to, great, if not, that's ok too.  Start talking to him now about how excited you are for the baby and how much he means to you. How lucky the baby is going to be to have a big brother like you. Ask if he has any concerns stuff like that. Then once the baby is born just give it time. If he does not want to hold the baby right away that's ok, don't push it. He may seem a little put off in the beginning. Once he is able to interact with the baby where he/she starts laughing at him he should warm up.  

Answer 7

Let him help with the baby a little (not too much!). I know a couple this happened to, and they did this, plus let him know how important the role of 'big brother' is. He really liked that part!

Also, whenever possible, set aside time for the two of you to do things together that he likes to do, that would also help him.  

Answer 8

One thing that I would advise is if he does something wrong like yell when the baby is sleeping or is getting little to rough.  I know your first instinct is to scold and punish him, DON'T.  Instead, talk to him about it in a calm gentel manner instead of firm and when the baby is asleep don't just shus your son.  Tell him, lets keep our voices low so _____ can sleep or "turn down the TV a bit, use your headphones but in a nice tone.  I'm tell you this because I was always scolded when my cousins were little and I did something wrong or when I was being a bit too loud during their nap.  I ended up fighting with my cousins and today I have a niece and she's a toddler right now.  I love her and nobody scolds me today when I mess up.  They tell me in a polite way but I still prefer not to be around her that much till she's older because that situation scarred me and I was the same age as your son.

Answer 9

Like a lot of the other answers said, make him feel like part of the baby's life. Show him how to change a diaper, let him have a say in the name, etc. Make sure, however, that you don't just turn him into a babysitter or a young daddy. Make sure that you still spend some one-on-one time with him - take him to a movie, help him with homework, go to his games if he plays a sport. The baby can spend some time with the dad that way, and your son won't feel like he's being pushed out of the family.

Answer 10

I think you will do wonderfully.  The fact that you are already so concerned shows that you will be very sensitive to helping him through this.  There will be jealousy, and that cannot be helped, but as long as you consciously remind yourself to make him feel special...even if its getting someone to sit every other week with the baby & make special time with him, he will do fine.  

Other tips are get him involved.  If you are going to paint the baby's room, include him in doing it, if he wants...have him help with some parts of the decor. Talk to him about names, talk to him about everything.  He will feel better if he feels his opinion is atleast considered & feels like he is a part.  Tell him how much work a baby is & you are glad to have such a responsible child to help you.  Tell him how much he will be able to teach the baby as he/she grows.  Tell him everyday how lucky you are to have him.  

Thank you for being a great parent...your child & one on the way are lucky to have you.

Answer 11

I agree with the other posters.  Try to include him and try to keep spending one on one time with him so he want feel like he's being pushed aside.

Answer 12

Make him an intrecal part of the babys care, like feeding, changing even helping with the bath.  Stress the importance of being the big  brother to the new baby and how much the baby will need him.  Maybe give him a say in the name too! My brother in laws' oldest son named their youngest son (9yr age difference).  Good luck.