Her father wants back into her life?

Question

My daughter is two.

Her father was my boyfriend, but when i got pregnant he freaked a little, and left me. I have only heard from him 7 times in her life, all from letters. They were:

Day she was born, First Christmas, Christening, First Easter, 1st Birthday, Christmas, Easter.

He hasn't seen her, but when he replied to my christening invitation he said "No.I won't be attending. Give her a hug &kiss for me. Here's a christening Card. I would love photos." All his letters have been similar. "e.g. "Happy Birthday." And that's it.

He called me last week.

I had only seen those 7 letters, all for our daughter anyway.

And then, last week, I heard his voice.

He was crying, telling me he was so sorry, and he wanted to see her so badly, and he regrets leaving us, he still loves me, even though its been two years. He was literally bawling.

I told him i needed some time, and i would call him back in a week or so.

His letters have always been short, but fairly plain and kind.

And although, i still have so much anger with him, i know it's our daughters right to see him, and his to see her.

I really don't know what to do.

Thanks x

Answer 1

whether you like it or not you have to let him into her life as much as you can. Well first there are legal ramifications but even more important then that is she may hold it against you when she gets older. and he tells her it was you that kept him away. It may be painful especially if he leaves again but she can know that it was him not you. GOOD LUCK

Answer 2

Tel him that

I don't want him to get the idea that he is going to with her everyday now? I need to learn to trust him again, and it takes time. I dont want him completely changing his whole life when at any second i could say "no, sorry, this isnt working."

If eh wants to see her, maybe for some holidays he can come over, eh shouldn't rush into it and neither should you.

Answer 3

You have every right to be angry with him but, like you said, you owe it to your daughter to give this guy a chance to be the father he should have been from day one.  People make mistakes.  We make decisions that, when we mature and have a chance to reflect, we wish we wouldnt have made.  I would tell him that you arent wanting to get back together as a couple but you do want him and your daughter to have a relationship.  If you choose to get back together with him at a later date, after he proves to you and to your daughter that he can be the man you both need - then great - but he really has a lot to prove at this point.

Also, he should have supervised visits only and you should work on getting him on the birth cert and a possible court ordered visitation.. that way you and your daughter are protected.

I wish you good luck.  I know its scary right now but this could end up a great thing for your daughter.  

EDIT: I agree with you... I told my daughters father that I would rather her have a father that was never around than one who came and went whenever he was in the mood.  Like I said, he has a lot to prove and shouldnt waltz into her life expecting things to be perfect.

Answer 4

Any father who leaves his child and the baby's mom doesn't deserve anything but sending a check once a month for child support. If he did it once, he'll do it again... I don't understand 2 years of not wanting to be in your childs life. Your doing the best thing for him by sending pics, that's all he needs.

Answer 5

i would let him..he is her father and she would appreciate it..however i would very bluntly explain this is his chance the second he comes into her life and then leaves he will never be in her life again until she asks for him or whatever..and as for the him wanting you back that is up to you and how you feel.sometimes it takes a minute for people to grow up..give him a chance one chance and let him know it is one chance..as you said he should be in her life and she should have him there

i hope everything goes the way you hope and most never come back so i guess that is saying something!good luck

Answer 6

dont ever get back with him. but, i would let him see his daughter. make sure you are present for the first few visits. then if he would like to get to know her and be a father. go to court for child support and he will get a visitation schedule. if he ever drops out like he did, i would be extremely cautious to let him back, like the rest of his visits would be supervised

Answer 7

do everything through court. let him see his child but, have a supervised visit. this way you don't have to see him. move on with your life, but don't deni hey the chance to meet him because she will blame you for it.

Answer 8

It sounds like he could turn out to be a good dad.  Which is good for your daughter and good for you.  But, he's on thin ice.  I would give him a chance to prove it, and if he leaves you (and her) for a second time, that's IT!  You can't do that to a child, ya know?

Answer 9

You had a child with this man, but that doesn't mean that you have to allow him into your personal life. It does mean that you should allow him into your child's life. In other words make it clear to him that you are not open to starting any relationship with him other than a parenting relationship. Dont ever stop this man from being a part of your child's life as long as he is a good man and has her best interests in mind. Even if he does come in and out of her life, you cannot take responsibillity for his behavior. Your daughter will eventually be old enough to make her mind up about her father by the actions that he shows her over the years. You will not want her to resent you for not allowing him into her life. In time, you can both come to a visitation schedule that works for both of you, and if you can't that's why we have courts. I wish you all the best of luck!!!! The more people to love your child the better.

Answer 10

Give him a chance and give your daughter a chance to know her father.  He may have realized really what a big mistake he made and may actually turn out to be a great father for her.  At least he sent letters which lets you know he was thinking about her, some don't even bother doing that.  It is worth letting him back into your life and hers so he and your daughter have a chance to see if they can have that father/daughter bond.