Question:

Here's just a more traditional snap-off. What do you think? Do you prefer deep, dancy, dark, light or funny?

by  |  earlier

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how day is done

habit struck my hand today

i felt its sting - i pulled away

it said: get up and grab your drawers

shower shave and close the doors

your daily task looms large ahead

(i left my other self in bed)

what is this way? how can it be?

a shape walks on - some form of me

i am the nineteenth fabricator

i build the fifteenth elevator

i sport the cables, cut the rod

the channel's ready - i give the nod

another workman pulls a lever

this metal box could rise forever

encasement taking one and all

the fat and slim the short and tall

to cubicles and conference rooms

these neatly girdired plate-glass tombs

they write and check and test and measure

all we call our worth and treasure

count and tag and tie and tote

til plan's complete - another mote

to water-in our magic castle

the way is rote, the manner facile

the day is done - i've done my time

king lear, macbeath have played their rhyme

the play's complete. the time is when

i'll sleep, get up and start again

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6 ANSWERS


  1. Definitely light and funny! lol  Great flow and descriptions. It could be me but the wording at the end of stanza 6 seemed awkward.


  2. This one would be light and deep?  

    It don't matter, I like it.

  3. I LOVE IT!!!! It seems that I love everyones poems, but I say that is one of the funniest poems I ever read!!! =D Keep on writting such funny poems, because I might comment everything you write!!! =]

  4. "Hi!"

    The story of our lives... How d**n funny.

    I love your poetry.

    Well Done! : )

  5. I love your poem! Here is my version of my day:

    breakfast served to all but me,

    there's just no time to eat, you see?

    diaper changing, get them dressed,

    even when my nerves they test.

    hitting, screaming, kicking brother,

    temper tantrum one after the other.

    peanut butter and jelly for lunch,

    served with ice cold red fruit punch.

    next is naptime...some quiet and peace!

    but time to work the elbow grease...

    dishes done, now vaccuum and dust,

    must get this done...i must, i must!

    the kids are up, back on their feet,

    dinner time, let's sit and eat!

    stop throwing food down on that floor...

    mopping's the most annoying chore!

    bedtime comes at last at 8!

    pj's on, mommy can't wait!

    finally I can relax!

    no more yelling, fits, or smacks.

    until the morning comes again,

    trying to catch my breath before then!

  6. I don't know which category this fits..all I do know is this is brilliant.

    Each verse I read, I thought, he can't keep this up..in a minute it will deteriorate into banality.  No fear of that.  

    This is the best one you've posted in a while.  

    Well done.

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