Here goes another heater rate my rap....?

Question

and i swear I'm writing this down right now for the first time,no pauses either,its like text freestylin lol,no mic or cam to upload my voicelol...wish i had one but lets go.

its 4:50 in the mornin and im rollin one,

catch me put im never the sober one,

hard to sleep cause my mind's motor runs,

and i cant get certain thoughts out of my dome,

so im just sittin at home,and my computer chair is my throne,

nas is rappin about fox ****,the worlds always been corrupt,

the worlds always been corrupt he aint the first to acknowledge it

the way i flow should put me through college *****,

can i get a lyricist scholarship,

and no the nas line wasnt a diss,

just had to enlighten the dead,

i love escobar,ill always be a nikehead,

only if u love hip hop the past time,you will get that last line,

now its halftime.

and im back at it, the third quarter,

my nouns kill and my verbs slaughter,

never been on a plane,never even flew charter,

cause im broke,right now all i gots two dollars,

and thats enough to get a pack of blunts,then i pack the blunt,

and i be on a manhunt,my bad i referenced that song again,

but the only rapper i will ever reference is him,

my flow is foolish they call me the white jay round here,

but i tell em im not memphis bleek i dont stay round here,

but i do rep the m-town quite clear,

i love jazz,blues and rock,

and i stay with a ***** that be abusing c**k,

not like in hurtful way,

the way cokeheads abuse the yay,

she wanna use it all the time,

so i let her she's a dime,

and right now its 4:59

folks were runnin low on time,

so i can go blow this pine and let my soul unwind,

ill be back to bless you once again,

maybe next time ill use my pen,

or maybe a camcorder

and i gauruntee a manslaughter

Answer 1

WTF is ur question mate?

Answer 2

There are a few good lines, but it is still mediocre.  I think you should use more multiples.  It's harder to impress people with typed lyrics, so your lyrics need to be even more on point then when you say it.  Cause some people make up for sucky lyrics with good delivery and that's how you get mainstream rap.

Answer 3

Stop doing that Lil Wayne S**t where you just kind of ramble on about nothing. Every line should have a purpose.

And, this is MUCH better than your other rap, the second verse started off pretty sick before you rhymed "pack of blunts" with "pack the blunt". Would make a decent freestyle if you put a little more effort in.

Answer 4

You've got a Lil Wayne style goin on. Do your own thing and if you want REAL respect in the game make your lines longer.. you;ve got Lil Wayne 50 cent length goin on.. and find a topic to rap about, like a girl, a struggle you've got but yeah you've got potential you just gotta take time with it