Here is a new poem? Please let me know what you think? Comments?

Question

Six Months in 1995

It didn’t have the immediacy of the toy poodle

in a microwave. Tufts

of fur crisping brown

eyes exploding raindrops—

nothing so urban

legend.

It was like that

frog you brought

to a slow simmer

one degree at a time

too complacent to hop

away.

It was a horror

movie: slow-motion running

soundtrack in the background, mask appearing

in the mirror, as the blood

drips from the ceiling

fan.

It was a series

of small steps—seemingly unconnected:

pregnant girlfriend,

d********x with a bread knife,

itchy-faced bouncer with teeth

that wouldn’t brush clean,

red dressed addict in frayed

fishnets, covered with drywall

vomit in the walk-in-closet.

Glasses clink, lines crawl

up noses burning

inexorable fuses.

Arms and legs splayed

over rust-covered shag

floating face down in the boil.

Something died here.

Someone died here.

We all should have died

here.

Answer 1

amazingly talented hope to see more, you should open a website and publish things like this, it would get major attention

thanks for sharing

Answer 2

Unbelievably good, unbelievingly meaningful.  Thank you.

Answer 3

This couldn't be any more horrifying.  You did a sensational job of building energy toward the powerful ending.  Those six months in 1995 were an escalating h*ll.  I was completely rapt throughout this poem.  This is really astonishing.  Thank you.

Answer 4

its pretty cool, and sorta scary :). It has a good description of what happens in daily life.

Answer 5

Wow.  You had me hanging at every line.  Superb poetic tale.  I envisioned it all.  What an ending!

Answer 6

Horrifyng, Didn't read more then the first  and second stanza.

Answer 7

There is a horror story in the life of almost everyone I know. This takes first place in the line. The poem itself is filled with graphic imagery, engaging the emotions from beginning to end. You have done something special here.

Answer 8

Wow.  I am both intrigued and a little nervous about you ever holding a bread knife. :)  The imagery in this work is absolutely amazing and you should publish and get this copyrighted.  A good quick place to do that is at poetry.com.  It's free.  About the writing, it seems to be about a human soul trying to express a few small things in his life that have added up to something dramatically changing everything within him.  A piece of him dying in the end and almost posing a question: begging others to recognize this death within him and to understand that -  should they come across the "crime scene" of this person's life - they should die a little, too.   . . . do I have it right?

Answer 9

I don't really like it I don't know what it is about, but it is publish material.

Answer 10

Such a soothing ride you painted here!  lol  A great read with wonderful images.  Trying to figure  if it is a compilation of the horror movies of that year or a visit to Beetlejuice!  Compliments

Answer 11

Wow...those 6 months in '95 must have been some horrifying 6 months. Amazing images...like a movie playing in my head! I love how you ended it, it makes me wonder...what exactly happened there in 1995?

Answer 12

like yr poem..it's too american though.. something like this written with a wider perspective in view would be better. the best of writings ought to have a geological view. it's only towards the end tht yr poem gets a wider world view.

ne how this poem is really good work..enjoyed readin it.

Answer 13

Now this is what I call a poem.  I've been playing about lately and forgetting what I should be doing...but, even if I were to try my best I wouldn't reach these heights.

I don't know what happened in 1995 - I hope nothing personal to you, but whatever it was it must have been horrific.

How long did this take to create?  I'm sure this wasn't a 'dashed off in five minutes' effort. (I must get my nose to the grindstone, again).

This is a must have for some-one's anthology of verse from the internet.

Answer 14

d a rn n! weird man.

Answer 15

I like it. I am not sure if the range of the images presented to express the point is adequate. It is either too many or too few, or some of them have to be entirely replaced, I am not sure, but that is what seems to ring a problem.