Here is another poem I wrote.. ?

Question

Once again, this was written some time ago. Probably two years or so. Any thoughts ?

I can't understand.

Why is it that you can feel so good for one moment?

Then, in another, you can be feeling sorry for yourself.

Sorry for thinking things could work out.

I can only think back about when you held my hand.

Suddenly, I remember the words.

I know I want to say them to you.

They are perfect in my mind, as I repeat them over and over.

If only I had the courage to tell you.

I see you walking down the crowded hallway.

You look so good today, just like any other day, in fact.

I glance over, hoping I had captured your eye.

All hopes are lost.

As you walk away, I silently wisper, "I love you".

Answer 1

It is sweet and shows a good deal of wistfulness.

Answer 2

Awww... That is such a sweet poem! I can absolutely relate to it, it's like you know me inside out. A really really sweet poem, since I can relate to it so much I could feel my eyes swelling. Honestly, well done! I love the last line... A lovely love poem.

Answer 3

the two you's at the end of two of the sentences they mess up the beat and rhythem other than that its good

Answer 4

I love it, it really makes sense to anyperson!

I love when people actually write poems that are not in a rhyme scheme such as A B C A B C...etc.

kudos to you!!!