Hey, I just wrote this poem. What do you think of it?

Question

Hey. Im 13, and just wrote this poem.

I feel like its missing something,

Can I please have some help?

I dont like it much, but i was never really good a poems.

I just like writing them too much to stop.

Anyways, What do you think its missing ? x]

And, Can you figure out what its about?

- no name =( -

Sinking into darkness,

Not a hint of light,

Not a smile or a laugh,

No radiance in sight.

No one to lend a helping hand,

In this world I’ve come to known,

The people have blank faces,

Not a chuckle or a moan.

I stand with no purpose,

Nothing keeping me alive,

I have no friend, no foe, no love,

How do I manage to strive?

Sleepless nights are endless,

As I count the cracks in the wall,

No matter how many times I try,

I find a way to fall.

Tears flood my empty eyes,

When I find a trace of hope,

Something to hold on to,

Teaching me to cope.

When my time comes to depart,

This soulless bitter place,

I’m gone without a goodbye,

Leaving without a trace.

Answer 1

Michael sums it all up! It's fantastic....and you're 13.  You have talent.  Keep writing!

Answer 2

Nice work! thanks for posting. see if you can stretch to write the opposite of these feelings using similar words. this poem describes desolate and despairing feeling with brief hope, how about the opposite which would be a picture of joy and hope adn fulfilled search.

Answer 3

I like it.. very good for a 13 year old :) it's dark but nice

Answer 4

Simple and intresting. I like it

Answer 5

honestly, i loved it, i actually understood this one.

Answer 6

That is an amazing poem, espessially since your only 13! That is very deep and very expressive! I like it just the way it is! Just make a title for it and your good!

Hope this helped! :)

Answer 7

ADD SOME HUMOUR

Answer 8

heyyyyy your 13 and you were never really good at writing poetry? hahaha sounds like something a 50 year old should be saying!

Your poem is great, i can feel your emotions and suffering, it RHYMES!!! Im a sucker for emotional poems that rhyme.

Tears flood my empty eyes,

When I find a trace of hope,

Something to hold on to,

Teaching me to cope.

That is my favourite stanza. Excellent. Best writing by a 13 year old i've seen so far.

What's it about? It's about whatever the reader feels and draws from in their own lives, interpreting in their own way. It evokes feelings of isolation, longing, acceptance, depression and fear for me.

Answer 9

honoestly i thought one of the biggest problems with this poem was its lack of clever wording

yes it is very expressive BUT it uses expressions that are way to simple such as tears flood my empty eyes, no one to lend a helping hand

what you could try is metaphors or personifications which make your language in the poem more unique and more memorable than 1000's of other poems out there, for example you could use stuff like, 'the silence blares its horn at me, pulsating my mind yet blinding my heart' or whatever you get the gist