Hey guys,please rate my poem?

Question

How great the feeling to be free,free,free

i am a god

i am the possessor of myself

no boundaries cage me

i will do as i please

how great the feeling.

These words i repeat to myself as tears drop from my eyes

for i have become a beast,my freedom only desires evil

i have hated my owner

i am a god

what have i become

my soul is in torment

that sweet inner voice is gone,please come back

as i stare at the mirror,the words echo

"what have i become?"

Answer 1

You have three distinct poems in here.  You could pull them together better with some symbolism and perhaps some shifting of the lines and stanzas to make it stronger.

7

T.

Answer 2

Ok obviously everyone should no that you strongly disagree with claiming you are god. Guess the public isn't ready for that. A tip please don't use that theme again if you want good responses. Btw I like the style that you have used, no rhyming scheme occurs here. I sort of like how it flows but while reading I find it difficult to connect the next line. The lines don't connect with words, they connect with just a theme and that is not strong enough. Try going into how that state of being feels. E.g. you wrote my soul is torment.

Good work though, this kind of poetry style is hard to pick, but you are doing good.

Answer 3

Reminds me of Eve after eating the fruit.

But if there is a female Incredible Hulk, that could be it, also.

Or, when Dr. Jekyl found Mr. Hide.

Lost innocense!  Tragic, that.

Answer 4

You feel that you're on your own and you understand what God goes through. You think you're going through some mistakes or not. No matter what you could do, you soul tells you how to feel about it. I like it. If it were on a 1 to 10 scale, you would be on 8 scale. Which is very interesting levels to be on. It is very understanding and lovely connection.

Answer 5

I really, really don't like it. Sorry.

Answer 6

I think its pretty good

it goes from good to evil. light to darkness

it kind of surprised me a bit.

i love the ending.

i like the whole dark mood it gives at the bottom half of it.

can you read mines?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 7

very good!

answer mine please, or i might die, for real...http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;...

Answer 8

Not to sound like im joking or anything,

but are you severely disturbed?

It represents that you've become the oposite of any good god in this world.

That you're pure devil.

if its aboiut something, someone, like a tv show.

it's good.

But if its about you,

its good.

but you should see someone.

Answer 9

there is no freedom when there is guilt.

there is no use in looking back

we are what we have become

we become who we choose to be

only love can kill the demon,

love yourself n the decisions u've made.

.... to hate ur owner is just a sign of growing up.

and yeah, i did like the poem. i guess u can tell it made me think, n i guess that is a good sign!

keep it up ;)

Answer 10

well out of ten, i would rate it 6...maybe you could try putting more feelings into it...like put everything you feel down...but its seems as if you've become a war god....

Answer 11

sure it happens most of the time ... first we seek the freedom that wasn't in our soul for long ... dark clouds run away just then but sooner return only darker n heavier and as this time we were on our own we obviously cant blame any1 else but ourselves .... but as u realize that urs was a soul beautiful ... certainly it is still pretty just a thin sheet of what u think another skin... remove it n be urself after all freedom isn't wat takes u from one cage 2 another... a gud poem ... certainly 10 / 10 buddy....

Answer 12

5 out of 10, I read it outloud to my sister and she fell asleep.

It's good for bed time story//poems!

But, otherwise, I think you have some skill, just keep working and you will find it!

Answer 13

You have become the essence of "Ego"...lost in oneself.

Great descriptive poem of the decline of the spirit of light into the darkness of "selfish self adoration."

Answer 14

physicality, you have become the devil!

Free will of God has destroyed you because you have used  this great gift of God to turn yourself in to an evil person, how sad.

Lucifer is still free, the inner voice of God is gone.

The torments of h**l await you!

Answer 15

omg........ this is weird. i feel like that @_@ and i don't know why. but i'm not emo.. lol i feel different somehow and i have a side that is really deep and is depressed and i don't know what to do. Grr. Great poem i really related. :D good job

Answer 16

2/10, it was odd...

You've become a god, because in the poem it says "I am a god"

Answer 17

I think you have good language skills but you're trying to hard. You need to practice writing what you know before you write about something like this. It's obvious this isn't your experience, try something that hits closer to home with the things you've actually gone through.

Answer 18

this is a poem by longfellow or shelly

i think you will find it appropriately relevant:

INVICTUS

out of the night that covers me

black as the pit from pole to pole

i thank whatever gods may be

for my everlasting soul

it matters naught how strait the gate

how wrought with punishment the scroll

i am the captain of my fate

i am the master of my soul

Answer 19

It was great. It showed some emotion of happiness and wonder. It flowed smoothly and was excellent. Great job!

Answer 20

a little on the dark side and for all u people sying

emo

posers r the one who say they worship that red thing undergound9(i   KNOW WHAT IT IS I  JUST HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!)

but out of a scale out of 1 to 10 about a 6-8 some changes can be made

i love the fact that she acts her selve what she has become

Answer 21

really hip, this poem is cool, with this poem you cannot be just any fool, you must know how to write, with this poem, you did it up right,

your words were good, they hit the spot and ring true,  i think i would like to write poems as good as you,

Answer 22

Ur poem has reminded me w/ Dr. Frankenstein.Many ppl though have this kind of feelings, being regretted after a wrong doing (like hurting somebody).

In Ur "poem" U were concerned w/ putting Ur feelings on the paper , enthusiastic , and hasty. U didn't pay much attention to the "poem" structure. So its a more of (usual) report of what U see and what do U feel. A static 2 dimensional picture. No offense intended.

Answer 23

A nice write, except for some capitalization  being neglected, of course realize your not asking to be graded on that !  So yes you have a talent for writing poetry!  Keep it up, your doing a good job!

Remember to capitalize when it needs to be it looks more professional!!  Cheers!!

Answer 24

i usually dont like poetry but some how i connected with this piece. i guess it voices my fear of becoming something i dont want to be...

why did u write it in the first place?

Answer 25

You are lucky to be blessed with a very deep understanding of human feelings. This makes me think of the disintegration of a person struggling with addiction, in the stage where they feel tormented by their need but don't really have the incentive or want to escape it. This is officially one of the best poems I have ever read on here.

What this needs is some kick-*** formatting, something like you see in literary magazines or published poetry books. I suggest you read through some of them and look at all the eccentric ways of formatting your poem to make it pack that extra punch.

All in all, I adore this poem. Very deep and insightful. A breath of fresh air compared to all the bad poetry I commonly see.

~brunetttie

Answer 26

Great descriptive poem of the decline of the spirit of light into the darkness of "selfish self adoration."

Answer 27

your poem is pretty good I would give it a 6 it needs a little cleaning up. try and make it flow together you need to be able to read it out loud with out needing to stop and reread what you just said to understand it.

Answer 28

yes, that is what we free people know.

but to fit in we have to pretend to conform, most of the time

Answer 29

I read your poem the first time and I wanted to laugh. I thought you were saying you were god or something just because you were free. I am so happy I read it again. The poetry itself flows kinda rough, but the meaning behind your poem is deep. If you can find a way to make your poem flow better it might be easier for others to understand. Kudos for making me think  =)

Answer 30

Stephanie A,

I love the whole thing... it has unbridled passion and could be an awesome commercial for anyone escaping addiction! That is what I get from it's message, a soul in bondage to addiction breaking free. Some people have different opinions to explain what they can't comprehend in metaphor and you should never let it deter you from your expression and subject matter. Line one and line seven begin with a capital letter... why? Stick with the k.d. lang thing... you know, nothing but smaller case letters throughout. I think e.e. cummings does it too...  Grade  AA++

Answer 31

very,very deep.I too write poetry.I rate your poem a 10 on a scale of 1-10.