Hey guys and gals, I'm back. Question, How should one treat his X In-laws. If he has had a great relationship?

Question

I am divorcing as all you may remember. Problem is that my X now lives back at home (43 mind you) with her parrents. My daughter from a former marriage is getting married this December. I as well as my daughter have had a wonderful and loving relationship with my In-laws (and my wife for that matter) for more than 17 years. Do I invite them to the wedding? If so do I also out of courtesy invite my X? I feel that if I don't it will appear that I have sour grapes even though they had nothing to do with the divorce. You may remember that my wife just packed up and left one Saturday and said she didn't love me and didn't want to be married any more. What say you?

Answer 1

If the budget allows and your daughter desires them to be a part of the celebration, sure...invite them.  As far as the X, sounds like that's more up to you than your daughter.  If your daughter is ok with your X coming, ask yourself:  will I feel uncomfortable with her there?  I'm sure your daughter wants you to feel comfortable and really enjoy yourself and that comes before inviting your X.

Don't feel pressured to invite your X because you invite her parents.  The guest list is up to the COUPLEe, not the projected guests.  

But you also say that you and your daughter have a wonderful and loving relationship with your X.  On the other hand, there's an obvious reason that is apparent to everyone why your X may not be invited...thus, she should not be surprised or insulted if she's not invited.  Bottomline, the guests should reflect people who are closest and dearest to the couple.  People that they want to see this once in a lifetime event.  And if the budget allows, people their parents want also.

Things to consider:  will you spend the evening keeping one eye on your X?  will you get jealous if she speaks or dances with another man?  will you feel prompted to have a "let me get this off my chest" chat with her?

Answer 2

I would send the x-in laws and invitation that says Mr. and Mrs. and guest. They will do what they feel is proper. If they feel she shouldn't be there or will be a problem they won't include her, if they feel it is ok they will bring her. If you are still close to them, they will think of your well fair.  That is what I would do...good luck!

Answer 3

It's really up to your daughter, and what she is comfortable with. If your ex is important to her, let HER send the invite, but don't force her, and don't get mad if she does or doesn't. As for the in-laws, it's not their fault, and they probably love your daughter and would love to see her wedding. But, in the end, it's her choice.

Answer 4

How would your fiance feel about you inviting your ex? It might be a bit awkward for her on her wedding day! I think people would understand if you didn't invite either of them but if your fiance is happy with inviting the ex in laws then think it's fine to ask them and not your ex wife.  

Answer 5

Yeah I think you should invite them all unless you think your ex is likely to cause trouble.  

Answer 6

I say, if you can handle it, then invite them.  You would seem the class act if you did, and depending on how civil everyone can be, can help heal things a bit.  At least for a day.

On the other hand, You are NOT obligated to invite them, for your X has already severed those ties.  Which of course makes divorces so complicated.  

My advice, ask your daughter, she what she wants.

Answer 7

I would most certainly invite the ex in-laws, although I'd think twice about the ex wife...she gave up the right to be a part of your family celebrations the day she packed up and walked away.

Answer 8

Hi Poochie, you've got a very tricky situation here. First I would be ruthlessly honest with myself. As I going to be distracted from my daughter's special day if by ex wife comes?  I would then have a good heart- to- heart with my daughter and talk about all the possibilities and concerns. Then I would ask her to talk it over with her fiance and let you know what they decide.