Hey someone help please?!?!?

Question

I have been in a 4 year relationship with this so called "woman of my dreams" , we have a three year old son together and lived together and shared our dreams and hopes together. Back in april, she acted ambivelent and nasty and eventually led a breakup in the end of april. She told she wanted freedom and explore New York City. I was devastated, upset, confused and everything else. She moved out pretty quickly and was just cruel and heartless. After friends have told me that by the speed of her move, you might wanna consider a third party. two weeks later, i went through her t-mobile plan, and i found out she was talking to a japanese guy since March, this guy she has met since Feb. I was upset, i was shocked and could'nt believe it. There were period of time when i was comparing myself to him and why she choose him and i guess she thinks he's more ïnteresting" That's unfair, i am younger and i wanted a stable life for all of us, i could've travel the world and played guitar and dance if i wanted to, but we had a kid. I went through so much pain and it is so unbearable. She showed up with him a couple of weeks ago to pick up my son. How can someone do this and hurt people like this? I've been in my house taking care of my son almost the entire summer. Cried and thought A LOT about what happened. It's as if our relationship never existed for her. My son and me don't deserve this, this is not the way my family should've went. I don't think i'll ever forget this. Now i am just trying to live everyday knowing this, how things have changed. It'll never be the same again :(. Can someone just help with a few words on moving on and advices on how to live life and hope again?

Another thing, what if she gets married to this kid, i would be so heartbroken, or am i just paranoid, i have a feeling she'll do that but why, im so confused. What a nightmare?!

Answer 1

I understand you are afraid she will get married with this guy.

You've stated she is the women of your dreams, you didn't even bother to make her the official wife?  Wedding, etc..as it is every women's dream..She was the women of your dream..have you been the men of her dreams?

It may not be too late to work out on that.

Answer 2

You really need to get a grip on yourself and move on. Chances are very good that even if she came back to you it would not be the same. I know you think it would at this point in time because of your pain. However, you would never be able to truly trust her again and it would drive a wedge between you two. For your own sake move on, find a nice girl and some friends to occupy your time.

Answer 3

You didn't deserve to be treated in this manner,but think of it as her doing you a REALLY BIG FAVOR,it was better for you to find out what kind of person she truly is and what she is capable of now,rather than 10 yrs.down the road.It well take time to get over this most painful situation,but in time your heart WILL heal.The most important thing now is to raise your son and give him all the love you can.If she left your son with you,and only picks him up for visits ,i would consider getting legal custody of him,if you don't already,he needs and deserves a stable environment in which to thrive.

Also i would nicely ask her not to bring her new "friend" to your home to pick up your son,out of respect .

Take comfort in knowing that she will not stay in this relationship long term,chances are when she get bored or thinks she has found someone better,she will leave him as well,that is if he doesn't leave her first, for the same reasons stated above.Remember what comes around,goes around,she will get hers in the end.  

Answer 4

First off, I am deeply sorry about your situation and I can't imagine what you must have went through at first and still do.  It has already been four months.  You are a strong person, young, and have already conquered many feelings at their most severeness.  I am sure there are no words to describe how you felt and still do, and there are really not enough words anyone could say to just make you forget, or feel better all of the sudden.  All I want to tell you, is that you have your son.  Your son is the most important person in your life now, and will always be.  He is going to grow up to be a great man and he will always look up to you.  I can tell you are going to be a great father whether you are doing it alone or not.

As time goes on, people change...you know that.  They turn out to be who they said they wouldn't, do things you never thought they would do, and can turn on you in an instant.  She is not the right person to be in your family.  She can do what she wants, and she has moved on.  I know, it's sad...but some people are just like that.  I'm sure you had all these months to think everything through.  Just know that you have your son and the both of you are strong, without her.  Just take these next few months easy.  Don't let her and him get in your way of taking care of your son.  In a few months, h**l you might meet someone new that cares about you.  Feelings change...so yours might.  Don't worry, one day you will be happier than ever, even if it doesn't seem like that now.  50 years from now you will look back to this and think "I didn't need her, I had my son with me." ..and that's really all you need.