Hi, my husband always humilates me in front of family and strangers making me look like i ?

Question

don't know what i'm doing....he either makes comments like don't listen to her or shake his head...i'm, like why does he do that?..behind closed doors i'm #1 but in front of people ... i'm humiliated. i've asked him to stop , but he still does it...even worst is when he tells my mom my personal things or talks behind my back with her and acts like it's nothing ! cuz it's my "mom"! i can't trust him...he tells me it's cuz when he can't figure me out, he needs help from someone ...i'm like talk to a pastor or something not my mom. how can he make me look like i' don't know what i'm doing? i run our house... we have 3 small kids, plus i go to school full time... i handel all of that ... my mom is single parent who can't even control her other kids. is it me or him ? what should i do ? please help me .thank you soo much.

Answer 1

my cousin's husband is the same way when he's drunk. it is so annoying. what she does is just ignores it and sometimes denies stuff he says.she just doesn't let him bother her.

Answer 2

Do you know what you're doing?

Answer 3

He sounds like a real douchebag.  I'd leave him if I were you, and take your kids too.  The b*****d doesn't deserve them, either.

Answer 4

He is proving himself great but lowering your greateness.

Actually, he is trying to hide his bullshit under your shade.

Beaware of him! He is not a nice person.

If he again tries to disrespect you in front of public without your fault, than better be straight forward to defend yourself and prove him wrong.

Do it tactfully so that he apologizes infront of everyone.

  

Answer 5

Tell him straight up, treat you with the respect you deserve, or you will find somebody who will.  Then stick to that plan.

Answer 6

He will never respect you!

Answer 7

He is being very disrespectful. Doing that in front of people instead of telling you straight what the problem is to your face is one of the worst things he could do other than cheat. He is undermining your importance in your relationship and as a human being. U should let him know that it's wrong and the ONLY way he is allowed to go about it is to tell you what the problem is to your face. No other way. Sounds like he might be insercure and he's letting it out on you. Don't stand for it!

Answer 8

First of all I think some of the other answers are from some real boneheads.

I wouldn't like someone humiliating me in front of others. That needs to stop. However, I can kind of see why he may be talking to your mom about problems because, who knows you better than your mom?? For me, my mom would be the best person probably to get advice from because she knows me really well. Plus, your mom should be on YOUR side always, so if he does talk badly behind your back to her she should put him in his place.

It sounds like you and your husband need to have a sit down about your whole marriage. You say you handle pretty much everything... maybe you need a little more help than what you're getting. Be honest with your husband and talk about your feelings and give examples about how he makes you feel "when you said ____ to Suzie the other day, I felt _______ humiliated/embarrassed/angry etc."  He may just honestly not realize what he's doing or how it's affecting you. Maybe he grew up in a house where that sort of behavior was the norm.

Good luck and I hope you are able to work things out.  

Answer 9

I feel bad for you. Maybe you could ask him why he feels he has to put you down because there has to be more reason than him just wanting advice. Sometimes when people feel insecure around others they try to put the focus on someone else. Maybe he feels inadequate so he is trying to keep everyone focused on some of you flaws even if he has to make something up. Mention again how it makes you feel and tell him that next time he embarrasses you, you will bring up his deepest darkest most embarrassing secret. I bet he will think twice before humiliating you then.

Answer 10

It's him, hes immature and it makes him feel better to put you down. I know you have small children and a full plate but I would think about what you are getting from this relationship.Maybe see if you guys can see a councilor to help sort it out. If he won't go try to go alone. Maybe if he hears what he is doing from a third party ( who is not your mother) he will understand your feelings. Good luck.

ps. this guy needs to learn tio respect your feelings.

Answer 11

It depends on whose advice you wish to follow. He shows no respect to you as his wife in the realm of outside the closed doors. The other answers that bordered on this thought are right on with the problem. It is time you take to a professional to get this worked out, so you are not the victim of his abuse. I am not sure of the living arrangements, but it seems mom is living with you or you with her. It concerns you and your treatment by him. Your mom doesn't live your life and has no say on this matter. Your husband needs some help or maybe you need distance from him and mom. The situation will only get worse for you. The sooner you do something to relieve this abuse the faster the family can get on track. What is handled so far is a mess of families and a move to another direction with living and not all together......

Answer 12

Honestly it is both of you.  You need to take more time with him so he doesn't feel like all you do is nag him about this, and he needs to respect your feelings.

Answer 13

It's him.  He doesn't respect you.  There's not much one can do about that, except move on, or stand up for yourself.  In fact, he doesn't even sound like he'd be a good friend.  I can't stand two-faced people.

Answer 14

This sounds crazy but think about it would you rather him talk to your mom or another women usually when people have problems with their spouse they turn to an outsider to get a women's perspective he is trying to get a women's perspective from a women you and he can trust this can never led to an affair. Now talking to a women who is not connected to you could lead to an affair think about it a lot of times that is how it starts a man or women telling a person their problems trying to gain some incite and the person comforting them and saying o ya shes mean and next thing you know BAM their sleeping together. Some times we are given a blessing in small ways and we just don't see it your husband is a good man who simply needs someone to talk to and wants to understand you and he has chosen the safest way to do that since he cant get that from you.

Answer 15

Can't trust him? Then why are you with him? A relationship can survive many problems but lack of trust isn't one of them...  

Answer 16

That's how he grew up. In his family that's how the men treated the women and it was accepted and everyone just kind of joked about it in light hearted fun, so he's now doing it to you.

Trust me, I have friends like your husband, your husband would not know any other way how to treat a woman.  

Answer 17

It's a pretty broad question, but regardless of the situation, he should be showing you respect and esteem in front of others, as should you do of him.  I don't think there's any question he disregards your thoughts or feelings if this happens a lot.  Assert yourself!  Let him know you won't accept being disrespected!

Answer 18

well...he might be a humorous guy..but still wht he's doing ain right at all....

nd I suggest u better have a serious talk n clear dis as soon asn poss coz later u don repend for dis... if tht also doesn wrk..den 4 sure u must go 4 a divorce...!!!

Answer 19

Its not you,  hes doing it because he is trying to get power over you by trying to get your friends and family on his side , it seems like there is some kind of jealousy going on..

Maybe because he can see you will become successful and leave him.

Answer 20

It's him. Sounds like an insensitive lout.

Sit him down & explain in no uncertain terms what you said here.

If he embarrasses you again in public - confront him LOUDLY right then. Dont EVER let him get away with it. Maybe then he'll wake up to what he's doing.

Answer 21

Well he obviously thinks that he is smarter than you. That's one problem. Another is that he has no respect for you. If he did he certainly would not treat you like that around other people.

If you truly want him to stop its time for you to up the anty here and give him some of his own medicine. I don't mean in a nasty way either.

Don't ask him for anything. If you can't figure something out turn to someone else. I may be wrong but I think your relationship was set up this way by you looking to him for help in a variety of ways. Maybe he is a book of knowledge and you turn to him.

If I am right you need to bring him down off his high horse and show him with your actions that you DON"T need him. You can enjoy to be with him etc... But you don't need him

DON"T bring your problems to others that you both associate with and don't put him down, instead talk only good things about your relationship.

I hope I have helped

Best wishes

Answer 22

get rid of it and get a new man and a life

Answer 23

That's no good.  I would not speak to him until he stops.