Here it is:
Hi listeners this is Mike along with Derek, Joe, Tyler and Eric and we’re here to bring you a little audio comedy through this conversation following in just a second...
Mike: So how are you doing today Joe?
Joe: I’m good.
Mike: That’s good.
Joe: Yup.
Pause…
Mike: So like, what’s so good about it?
Derek: It’s good because he hasn’t killed himself yet! (Quietly chuckles)
Joe: Derek, you need to shut up… My day is good you just don’t realize it because you don’t know what it’s like to have a good day...
Pause…
Mike: But what was so good about your day?
Joe: Don’t worry about it.
Tyler: Man ya’ll are retarded…
Mike: So white people are retarded now? Am I the only one who finds this racist?
Tyler: I’m not racist, I just hate white people. (heh-heh)
Eric: Hey guys guess what, my name rhymes with yours Derek!
Derek: What a douche.
Tyler: You mean WHAT’S… a douche?
Derek: No I mean Eric’s a douche… it’s a figure of white speech.
Pause…
Tyler: An ya’ll call me racist, d**n!!
Eric: Tyler, are you trying to become a voice-over for a cartoon show or something?
Joe: Yeah WHY are you trying to sound like Mickey Mouse?
Derek: (chuckles)
Tyler: What’s wrong with Mickey Mouse?? Haven’t you ever seen his girlfriend?
Derek: Yeah I’d so bang her.
Pause…
Mike: But she has small b***s and ears that stick out.
Joe: And she’s like 3 foot tall.
Tyler: Didn’t she also make her first T.V. debut in like, the 1920’s?
Eric: Yeah if I’m not mistaken, that would make her 80 plus years old.
Derek: Hey dude, at least I get p***y unlike Mike the virgin.
Mike: Yeah I’m sure all the hotties are rubbing themselves over your fungus mushroom looking hair-do (ha-ha) just kidding.
Joe: Hey man what’s wrong with fungus mushroom hair-dos? I used to have one.
Tyler: Nothing at all, I think they’re quite s**y.
Eric: Isn’t a fungus and a mushroom the same thing?
Tyler: No they’re distinctly different. A fungus is a bigger, less smelly type of mushroom.
Mike: I beg to differ. I believe mushrooms are actually bigger than funguses.
Eric: Actually this Encyclopedia Britannica says they’re about the same size.
Joe: And Mike its fungi not funguses you stupid dumb-*** moron.
Mike: Oh yeah.
Tyler: Wow… I don’t think this conversation could possibly get any more whiter.
Derek: Yeah if I’m not mistaken, that’s hate speech and o0o0o0o0o you must be!... “Blinded by the WHITE, revved up like a deuce another runner in the night!â€Â
Joe: Good song.
Mike: For sure.
Eric: I feel it was more superfluous than anything.
Joe: No I feel it was quite necessary. I really feel blinded by my own whiteness.
Eric: Yeah you think YOU’RE white? Look at me I can barely see myself in the winter!
Mike: Yeah you’d probably get hit by a snowmobile trying to shovel a sidewalk or something.
Eric: Hey guys look at this… askjeeves.com says that a can of Febreeze contains .3% mushroom extract. So it would be obvious to conclude that mushrooms really aren’t smellier than fungus.
Joe: Dude get over it already and plus, everyone knows that askjeeves.com is a conspiracy theory.
Eric: No it isn’t.
Joe: Yes it is.
Eric: No it isn’t.
Pause…
Joe: Yes it is. And you’re just mad because you can’t find reliable websites.
Eric: I bet you $20 I can find a reliable website within 5 seconds.
Joe: No, it’s already been determined that you’re not good at researching facts dude.
Derek: I don’t think I’ve ever listened to a more retarded argument in my life.
Tyler: If you ask me, this whole conversation has been extremely pointless and Caucasian.
Mike: Tyler you’re just mad because you wouldn’t look good in a cowboy hat.
Eric: I don’t know, I think he would look good in one.
Pause…
Derek: What a douche.
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