Hi seniors .help question please ? have you ever been betrayed by someone you love or care about ?

Question

i have as a younger person and it hurt so bad .

right now someone i care for was betrayed by a loved one . i want to be able to help , but dont really know what to say . i feel at a loss for words , and could use some tidbit of advice . i know to listen and be there for them but still feel its not enough .

any ideas ? thank you for your help , again . lol .

take care .d.

Answer 1

If anyone has I have not known about it and I am 63. I have betrayed myself many times and yes you can do that. I am my own enemy. Your friend is lucky to have you. Just stay close and yes listen.This friend is not ready to hear advice because of pain over clouding his or her thinking. Let them do the talking. Hand holding is nice.  Poppy

Answer 2

Yes I have. I think everyone has. People deal with it however they choose but basically there are only three ways to choose. a person can hold a grudge and wish bad things for that person, they can come to terms enough to internalize the hurt so it subconsciously continues to eat at them and make them bitter, or they can continue to love the person seeing their human frailties and forgive them. The latter of which is the only way to fully heal and rid themselves of the burden of it. All you can do is be there as a positive influence.

Answer 3

Yes, you will see this your whole life,it's part of life. But these people will pay in the end. There is not much you can do but support that person.

Answer 4

Spouse or friend, betrayal cuts through the bond of trust all human beings need and believe they have earned.

Answer 5

Like you said listen that's  all you can do.  Just don't give any examples  of other stories you've heard or known about,  Asked this person not to make any haste decisions,.......... (((  Hugs ))) are always good

Answer 6

Yes but no one knew it but me. It took about 3 months but I got past it and over it.

Answer 7

My ex, but I 've out lived her lol.

Answer 8

As you remember from it happening to you, this young person is learning an important lesson.  Betrayal by the one you love hurts to the bone.  Just listen and show you care.  The scar tissue will form in time and the young person will be the stronger and wiser for surviving.  

You might offer this old adage, "Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me."

Answer 9

A wounded spirit is a lot like a physical wound. There is the initial pain from the wound trauma, then shock sets in and your are numbed from it for a short time. As the shock wears off it continues to be painful. Healing take time... sometimes it requires LOTS of time.... but eventually it heals and there is only a scare left. A wounded spirit is sooo much like that .... it just requires time... but... there will be a scar.

Answer 10

Yes, I believe it's happened to all.  I try to approach these things with the idea that they might realize their mistakes at a later date and do something to redeem themselves.  Betrayal brings both sadness and anger-- a very powerful combination that's hard to overcome.  If a person wants to talk about it, then the best thing you can do is to listen.  Be careful about offering unsolicited advice or talking trash about the offender, however.  You don't want your friendship to be affected if they mend their rift.

Answer 11

My ex husband betrayed me by cheating but more recently, my "best friend" of 45 years betrayed me. I have ended the friendship and although I miss her, I don't miss the drama. She still emails me trying to make amends but since her betrayal had to do with one of my children, I'm done with her.

All you can do is be there for your friend and it sounds as if you are already doing that. Your friend is lucky to have such a caring friend.

Answer 12

yeah .. i saw a side of my son in law on my birthday that threw me..i thought i had a good read on him he has been with my daughter for four years now.  She and i aren't the easiest to be around..but he chose this particular day to prove a point to her and it caused pain i didn't know someone could cause me.  So i have been getting an exercise in forgiveness.  Not because he is sorry or even cares but because her happiness means more to me and in reality to make her marriage work she has to get over it..and she wouldn't if i didn't let her..so...i called a therapist friend of mine and vented to her and the first thing she said was that  i had to accept..what's done is done..man did that have to sink in..i was furious at my helplessness..that a man could STILL get in and hurt me on that level .. that i could do nothing to get that day back..so after another hour of venting..i remembered the serenity prayer had one more good cry and now i practice sitting in the same room with him without sucking the air out but it is very hard.  the only positive thing i can say is that its easier now than last week..i   will forgive and heal maybe but forget ..nope. it has changed the dynamics of our relationship forever. and i pray that  God will get him.

Answer 13

Anger Management!  Show them how to beat on a pillow or scream while driving to relieve stress!  Then have a "mock" funeral for the person they loathe.  This way, the person has a place in your mind that is no longer as painful as when they were in your heart....it finalizes the "situation" without actual violence!  Do it with a celebatory cake & it's PARTY TIME!  Turn that frown into a knee-jerking experience & laugh your butts off as you write the name of the person on a piece of paper, put it in a box & bury it in the yard or burn it (small piece of paper) over a candle!

Answer 14

Yes, my husband. He carried on a daily phone/email affair with a woman he met through YA. (I mean 15-18 phone calls a day!)

Talk about being betrayed!

Answer 15

OH yes in the worst way.My best friend tried to sleep with my husband! It was a hurt that you never get over.I guess i would never known if my husband  hadn't told me.But he said he hated for me to think she was my BF while stabbing me in the back.

Answer 16

My evil doctor betrayed me on a medical matter

so I pray he receives his due karma.

I was in hospital for 11 days because of his arrogance and stupidity, and I was in severe pain.

Answer 17

Yes Dizz,

And it is hard to trust again or advise someone.  I understand what you are going through

Answer 18

People say you get over it ,but what if that person did so much damage it left you unable to walk,

how do you get over that and move on.

Answer 19

Yes I have. I got over it, will never forget. Or forgive.

Answer 20

You know Dizz just being there to listen and saying nothing and being a good listener is sometimes the best thing that has helped me in my time of need...knowing that you care and will be there for them no matter what is probably the best most important thing of support in this time of vulnerability!

Answer 21

We all have! Anyone who says they have not been has led a very sheltered life. Ya' get over it and move forward...but without the trust you once had in that person. And, surprisingly, you live to greet another day.